Thin Line
by dayleysexual
Summary: no summary


**A Very Thin Line by lavenderbrown**

**SUMMA****R****Y****:**Lily Evans can't stand James Potter. James is determined to change Lily's mind. A

battle of wits ensues, proving the old adage 'There is a very thin line between love and hate.'

**Chapter One: The Head Girl and Boy**

'Be good, Lil.'

'I will, Dad.' Lily Evans hugged her father tightly, then turned to her mother.

'We're so proud of you, Lily.'

'Thanks, Mum.'

Lily turned from her mother's embrace to regard her older sister Petunia.

'I'll see you, Petunia,' Lily said.

'I suppose,' said Petunia stiffly. Lily gave Petunia a hug. It was perfunctory, not affectionate. Their whole relationship had become perfunctory. Ever since Lily got her letter, all those years ago, inviting her to attend Hogwarts.

'Take care,' said Lily, nodding to her sister. She turned to her parents and her expression softened.

'We love you, Lil,' said her father, beaming. 'Knock 'em dead this year, Miss Head Girl!'

'I will,' she said, grinning even as a thin sheen of tears coated her green eyes. She boarded the train, dragging her trunk with her left hand, clutching the cage of her brown owl with her other. She gave one last wave to her family, ignoring the disapproving look in her sister's eyes, and the train began to move.

Lily pulled her trunk down the aisle of the train car and found a loo. In a few minutes she'd need to be inside the Head Boy and Girl's coach, but first she had to change into her robes.

She closed herself inside the small loo.

'This won't do,' she said aloud, and she pulled out her wand and gave it a wave. The loo expanded to four times its size, giving her plenty of room to store her trunk, the owl's cage and allow her to change clothes.

She peeled off her jeans, her top, her cardigan, and her trainers and put on her school uniform: white blouse, dark grey pleated skirt, knee socks, Mary Janes, grey jumper and the crimson and gold necktie. Then she pulled on her robes, emblazoned with the Gryffindor crest, and fastened the Head Girl badge onto it.

She gave herself a once over in the mirror.

Not bad, she thought. She had a little color in her cheeks from spending time outdoors this summer, but like most redheads she had remained generally pale. The smattering of freckles across her nose had darkened just slightly. Her dark red hair was streaked with varying shades of gold and orange. She quickly ran a brush through it, then put on a thin coat of lip balm.

'Good enough,' she thought, never one to fuss too terribly much over her appearance.

She exited the loo and performed a Shrinking Spell on it, then stumped along down the aisles of the train cars, making her way to the front.

She came to a halt in front of the coach door and looked in, pleased to see that she had arrived

before the Head Boy. She slid open the compartment door and dragged her heavy trunk and the cage inside. She lifted the cage and set it gently on the luggage rack above. A soft coo issued from it.

'Go back to sleep, Nimue,' she whispered. The brown owl hooted softly and tucked her head back under her wing.

Lily took out her wand again and levitated her trunk into the luggage rack, then sat down onto the cushiony seat nearest the window.

Her eyes wandered to the window, taking in the countryside rushing by; already they were well out of London.

Her mind drifted. She wondered who might have been chosen as Head Boy.

Remus Lupin, she thought at once. It made sense. He was an excellent student, he'd been a prefect two years in a row, and unlike the crowd he ran round with, he rarely got into trouble. Lily didn't think much of the company Remus kept, but she liked Remus well enough. He was the quiet, serious type one found it easy to get along with.

Not at all like his friends. The one, Peter Pettigrew, was more a cipher than anything. Clearly a hanger-on. Lily pitied him in a way. He was harmless and sometimes even sweet, but not much of a strong personality.

But the other two were another story entirely.

Lily could never decide who was worse: Sirius Black or James Potter.

Sirius was impossibly handsome and fully aware of it. He came from a very rich pure-blood family that had-so she'd heard-recently disowned him. As Sirius already had a reputation for being a rebel, this only burnished his image. Sirius was charming and confident in the kind of lazy, easy way that only very good-looking boys knew how to be. He was also the worst kind of lothario,

going through girls like cheap tissue. Lily had lost track of how many girls had lost their hearts-and their virginities-to Sirius Black.

Thank god you never went for him, she thought firmly.

No, boys like Sirius held little allure for Lily. She had little time for arrogant pretty boys who believed themselves to be god's gift to the female race.

Potter's just as bad, she thought. But in an entirely different way.

James Potter was the star athlete of the school. He was attractive enough, with messy black hair and a rangy, lean sort of build he'd earned from playing Quidditch for the Gryffindor team. He wore wire-rim glasses and had the kind of lopsided grin that many girls found appealing. He was also a very talented-if consistently underachieving-wizard.

He was also the most insufferable, arrogant berk Lily had ever met. Potter seemed to live by the mantra of 'If it makes me look cool, I'll do it.' Except that his definition of 'cool' meant jinxing people in the corridors because he felt like it, or showing off on his broom every chance he got, or ruffling up his already messy hair so that it looked like he'd been caught in a windstorm. He was a show-off and a bully and Lily couldn't stand him. Even if his lopsided smile was rather cute. Even if, on occasion, he managed to be charming and funny. Even if she had occasionally wondered what his messy hair might feel like, tangled in her fingers. But all that aside, she didn't like him.

On top of his obvious character flaws was James Potter's relentless pursuit of her. Every week for the past two years he'd asked her out, and she'd pointedly refused. When was he going to get it through his thick skull that she didn't like him?

But what really burned Lily was that for all his professed affection for her, he hadn't stopped engaging in some of the same behavior with girls that Sirius had become famous for. Granted, James was nowhere near as prolific, but it bothered Lily immensely that James could go round shagging a girl here and there and then turn round and ask her, Lily, out on a date. As if the other girl he'd been with didn't matter. She didn't understand it at all. She only knew it infuriated her.

Lily closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the glass, then checked her watch. The Head Boy was late. She hoped again it was Remus-at least he was nice enough. But then she wondered. Remus was not the sort to be late.

She was just debating whether or not to leave the coach and go in search of the Head Boy herself when the compartment door slid open. Lily looked up and felt her stomach plummet.

Standing in the doorway was none other than James Potter, and a shiny Head Boy badge was pinned to his robes.

James Potter stopped in the threshold of the compartment door and stared.

A small part of his brain (the part that was still functioning) should have known Lily Evans would be named Head Girl. The rest of his brain could only freeze up, as it always did, when his eyes came to rest on her.

She looked stunning, as always. Lily Evans was the kind of girl who didn't know how beautiful she was, which of course made her that much more attractive.

James cleared his throat and collected himself. If there was one thing he wouldn't do, it was to let

Lily Evans know just how nervous and excited she made him.

'Evans,' he said, grinning, ignoring the tingling in his fingers as his eyes took in her luxuriant dark red hair. Merlin, but he loved that hair.

'Oh no,' she said, rolling her eyes. Her fantastic, brilliant green eyes.

'Surprised to see me?' he asked, dragging his trunk into the compartment. He had a grey tabby cat under his left arm that began to mewl angrily to be let down. James complied, dropping the cat lightly onto the floor.

'This can't be right,' said Lily, standing up indignantly. 'You can't possibly be Head Boy. Is this another one of your childish tricks, Potter?'

'Ouch, Evans,' said James, levitating his trunk to rest next to hers. 'I'm stung. What, you don't think I'm good enough to be Head Boy?' His tabby cat-called Nostradamus-leapt up onto the cushioned seat opposite Lily's and curled into a ball to nap.

'I KNOW you're not good enough to be Head Boy,' said Lily. 'Now get out of here before I-'

'What?' said James, closing the distance between them. 'Give me a detention?'

'I might,' said Lily, putting her hands on her hips.

'I'm scared,' said James, smiling. 'You could just go out with me, instead.'

'Oh!' Lily threw up her hands in disgust. 'I've told you a million times Potter, I'd sooner-'

'Go out with the Giant Squid,' James finished. 'Yeah, yeah. Come on, Evans, admit it. You like me a little bit.' He sat down lazily next to his cat and began to stroke the top of its head.

'I most certainly do not,' said Lily, sitting down angrily. 'I can't believe this. There has to be some mistake. There is no way on this earth I'm going to spend my last year at Hogwarts performing my Head Girl duties with you.'

'Well, unless you plan on resigning your post, you're stuck with me,' said Potter, grinning rather like, well, a cat who'd just swallowed a canary. This only served to make Lily angrier, which served to make him more excited. He loved it when she got angry-her eyes flashed and she looked so

fiery.

'Dammit!' said Lily furiously. 'I'm going to speak with Dumbledore the minute we get to

Hogwarts!' Her face was flushed and her lips were red. James was suddenly very glad he was sitting

down.

'You do that, Evans,' said James, still smiling, but shifting slightly to relieve the sudden and very powerful pinching in his trousers. As much as he liked riling up Lily Evans, he most certainly didn't want her seeing THAT.

She shot him a dirty look and ran her hand through her hair. James clenched his fist and tried not to stare at her, but it was difficult. All that gorgeous hair. How many times had he dreamed about tangling his hands in it? Burying his face in it? He looked away and focused on Nostradamus, who was purring contentedly on the seat next to him.

However confident James behaved in front of Lily, she simply had no idea the effect she had on him. He'd been mad about her since the age of eleven, but it was only in the past few years, as he started to really notice and understand what made girls different from boys, that his innocent crush had turned into full-tilt adoration. With no small amount of lust thrown in.

Of course it made little sense. Lily was beautiful, but so were a lot of the girls at school. And those other girls were more friendly to him than Lily was. In a few cases, a _lot_more friendly. James had hardly kept himself an innocent in the hopes that Lily might someday finally consent to date him. But on the whole his sexual experiences hadn't been especially satisfying. The girls he'd been with were so...so_...desperate_somehow. He realized that it wasn't much of a turn-on having girls who threw themselves at you. Where was the challenge in that? If James loved anything it was a challenge, and Lily Evans had proved to be the ultimate challenge.

But as his eyes strayed back to her (as she stared resolutely out the window and ignored him) he knew it wasn't just that anymore. He never would have admitted to anyone, but he admired her. She had integrity. She was honest. She stood up for herself, and for others. Even complete prats like Snivellus. She was smart and resourceful. She was brave. She was a Gryffindor in the truest sense

of the word. So yes, his feelings went beyond mere lust now. Beyond the desire to finally break

down her resistance and get her to agree to go out with him. But he wasn't about to tell her that.

Of course, the lust part was important. She was just too beautiful to resist. So feminine and lush- looking, and yet when she was angry she was like a wildcat.

Lily turned to him then and fixed him with her piercing, emerald green gaze.

'What are you staring at, Potter?' she demanded, her lush mouth curled into a kind of snarl that was, to James, incredibly sexy.

'Your mouth, actually,' said James, his eyebrows arching. His stomach was clenching with nerves but he covered it with his usual naughtiness. It was the only way he knew how to rankle her, and he loved to rankle her.

'Oh, really?' said Lily loftily, but James was inordinately pleased to see her cheeks flush again.

'I just wanted to know,' said James, 'what it tasted like.'

Her face flamed redder. 'It's nice to want things,' she said coolly, but her voice shook just a little. James grinned; he was getting to her. Good.

'So, who do you think the new batch will be?' he said abruptly, changing the subject. This was his favorite part of the game with her. Say something outrageously flirtatious, then abruptly veer off course.

She blinked. 'What?'

'The prefects, of course,' said James, rolling his eyes in mock annoyance. 'What's the matter, Evans, too busy wondering what it'd feel like to kiss me?'

'You wish,' she said hotly. 'You haven't changed a bit, have you? Still the same arrogant git I've

come to know and loathe.'

'You don't mean that,' he said, grinning.

'Oh yes, I do,' said Lily.

'Loathe is such a strong word, though,' he said. 'You can't really _loathe_me, can you? A nice, sweet girl like you?'

She rolled her eyes again. 'Fine. I don't loathe you. I dislike you with the intensity of a thousand suns. Is that better?'

He grinned again. 'Is that all? Sounds like progress.' She threw up her hands again. 'You're impossible.'

But James noticed that even as her mouth set in a determined, angry line, she rather looked like she was trying very hard not to smile.

**Chapter Two: The Incident on the Train**

Lily barely paid attention to the Sorting Ceremony. She was still flustered at the very notion that

James Potter had somehow managed to secure a Head Boy's badge.

Her eyes traveled over the Gryffindor table-vaguely glancing up as Weasley, William was sorted into her house-and came to rest on James. He was sitting next to Sirius, as always, and the two of them were watching the ceremony intently. This surprised Lily-she thought the two of them would be deep in conversation about something (something silly, of course). They had never bothered to pay attention to the Sorting before. Perhaps James was actually taking his Head Boy duties seriously?

James turned and caught her gaze and grinned. She looked away quickly. She wished he wouldn't smile at her like that. It annoyed her. It annoyed her because she liked it, and she didn't want to like anything about James Potter.

But as she steadfastly averted her gaze from James, she began to think about what had happened on the train. How, as the train slowed and pulled into Hogsmeade Station, it had lurched. How she and James had gone toppling over inside the Head Boy/Girl coach. How he'd fell onto the seats and caught her as she landed hard on his lap.

She closed her eyes. _Don__'__t__think__about__it,_she told herself.

But of course she did. She had never touched James Potter, not once, but in that moment she found herself sitting in his lap with her arms round his neck. She hadn't _meant_to put her arms round his neck; she'd only reacted to the train jerking, to catch herself from falling. But there she was, sitting on his lap, his face very close to hers. His breath on her face. His lips-so close. And feeling something beneath her as she shifted slightly on his lap. Something entirely male. When she'd felt that on the back of her thigh she'd leapt up, grabbed her things and hurried out of the compartment. She hadn't been able to look at James until now.

And even now she couldn't look at him. The memory of sitting on his lap had been almost pleasant. She didn't want to feel pleasant feelings about James. She hated James.

So why couldn't she stop thinking about sitting on his lap, about feeling that rather obvious bulge of his against her thigh? Why couldn't she drive from her mind the wonderful tingling she'd felt in...certain areas, when The Incident on the Train had occurred? She blushed furiously and looked down at her plate.

The Sorting ended and the feast began. Lily absently loaded up her plate with a small portion of potatoes, a piece of chicken, some green beans. She was just about to take a bit of potatoes when she felt an elbow in her ribs.

'What?' she said irritably, glancing at Clarissa Strobridge, her best friend.

'He's doing it again,' said Clarissa.

'Who's doing what?' said Lily, taking a bite of potatoes.

'James is looking at you,' said Clarissa.

'So?' But Lily felt a kind of weird lightness in her stomach, and she felt, rather than saw, James's eyes on her.

'Honestly, Lily,' said Clarissa. 'I dunno why you don't go out with him. He's adorable and he's absolutely mad about you.'

'He's also a prat,' said Lily, taking a sip of pumpkin juice, not looking over at James. Looking at him would remind her of what had happened earlier.

'Lily, it's fate,' said her other friend, Marianne Bennett. 'You Head Girl and him Head Boy? And he's not a prat. He's just a bit exuberant.'

'And adorable,' Clarissa repeated, sighing just a bit.

'Oh, really!' Lily huffed. 'There's more to liking a boy than thinking he's cute.'

'So you do think he's cute?' Marianne said archly.

Lily took a sip of pumpkin juice. 'Well, yes, I suppose he is. But finding him cute is hardly a reason to go out with him. Not when all his other qualities are so very _un_cute.'

'You're hopeless, Lily,' said Marianne firmly. 'A cute boy worships you and you give him the brush-off.'

Lily ignored her, trying very hard not to think about James Potter.

'She did the same thing with Sirius Black, remember?' said Clarissa, and she and Marianne regarded Lily with something akin to disappointment. 'Honestly, turning down Potter is one thing, but Sirius Black? Look at him. He's absolutely dishy!'

'He's also a womanizer,' said Lily through gritted teeth, wishing her two best friends could talk about something _other_than boys. Especially when those boys were James Potter and Sirius Black.

'Why on earth would any girl go out with Sirius? So she could end up as another notch on his bedpost?'

'Why not?' said Clarissa, grinning wickedly. 'When the goods are that, well, good? He could use me any way he wants.'

'Clarissa!'

'Oh, don't be such a prude,' said Clarissa.

'Really,' said Marianne, eyeing Lily and then turning to Clarissa conspiratorially. 'You'd think Lily were asexual or something.'

Lily turned beet-red. 'I am _no__t_-' she began, then noticed that her loud voice had caught the attention of several students. She glanced up the table and saw James Potter gazing at her with interest. She flushed even deeper red and turned away, back to Clarissa and Marianne.

'I am not,' she repeated, in a harsh whisper, 'asexual. I am also _not_discussing this subject at the dinner table, thank you very much.'

Clarissa and Marianne giggled. Lily continued to eat, but she'd lost her appetite; her stomach roiled with anger.

She had grown to love her two best friends but sometimes they really upset her. She supposed their opinion of her wasn't all that unfounded. Among all the girls at Hogwarts Lily knew full well she

had developed a reputation as being something of a prude. She wasn't a prude. Not really.

_Just__because__I'm__a__vi__r__gin__doesn__'__t__mean__I'm__a__prude,_she thought defensively. _I__have__standa__r__ds.__I_

_don't just settle for any boy who comes along. And I did have a boyfriend last year. We did-things._

She glanced over at the Hufflepuff table and spotted her former boyfriend. Billy MacMillan was a ruddy faced Scots boy with dark hair and pale, freckled skin. He had a rugged, boyish kind of look about him that Lily had always found appealing.

She felt the heat prickling on her neck when she thought of the things she'd done with Billy. It wasn't much really. Lots of passionate snogging and some groping over clothes. One time she had let him touch her down there, over her robes. And another time she'd let him get under her school blouse and unhook her bra and caress her breasts. It had felt wonderful and intoxicating but the power of it had scared her, and she'd made him stop. As she always did. Something about feeling that good frightened her. Beyond that was her rather fierce sense of personal dignity. It was beneath her, she thought, to allow sexual things to cloud her good judgment. She had little sympathy for all those girls who fell into bed with Sirius, blindly thinking he'd give them a moment's thought once he was finished with them. She, Lily, was stronger than that.

And of course there were other boys who'd liked her apart from James and Sirius. Nicer boys.

She'd gone on a few dates here and there, but all of them seemed to want more from her, physically, than she was prepared to give. Invariably they got impatient and dumped her. As Billy had done.

It stung, being rejected like that, but she took comfort in the knowledge that her self-respect (along with her virginity) remained intact. Could any of those girls who'd so readily given themselves to Sirius or James say the same thing? Most definitely not.

She glanced up and saw James, who was watching her again. She wondered if that bulge was still present inside his trousers...

_S__top__that!_she thought wildly. _What__'__s__the__matter__with__you?_

James grinned at her. As if he knew what she was thinking about. Lily felt her heart pounding. The meal ended; Lily ate no pudding but instead rose from her seat and made ready to begin her

first night of official Head Girl duties. The prefects would take the new and returning students to their houses. Lily and James would report to Professor McGonagall for a complete list of what was expected of them.

Lily caught sight of James, who was smiling at her and still looking at her in that way that suggested he knew what she was thinking. She felt heat on her neck again and looked away, heading determinedly toward the door leading to the main corridor.

_Sill__y__,_she thought. _He__can__'__t__know__what__I__was__just__thinking.__That__I__was__just__thinking__about...sexy__things.__That__I__was__just__wondering__about__his__what__'__s__going__on__in__his__t__r__ousers._

But he caught up with her in the corridor and put a hand on her arm.

'Evans, wait up,' he said, grinning his lopsided grin.

She collected herself and looked up at him. His hand was still on her arm. It was hot; her skin began to tingle. Her stomach felt strange. As it had on the train.

'What?' she said, quickly taking her arm away. She was red in the face.

'You're stunning when you blush, you know that?' he said.

'Oh, honestly,' she said, rolling her eyes, but feeling a strange sort of fluttery sensation in her chest.

'I'm not blushing.'

'Okay, you're not,' said James lightly. 'You're still stunning.' He grinned again.

She felt her hackles raised. She hated it when he did this; the way he flirted with her and acted as though she ought to fall at his feet in a swoon simply because he complimented her. She knew she shouldn't get in a temper-that would just play into his hands-but she couldn't help it. He always seemed to push her buttons.

'Dammit, Potter,' she said angrily. 'Stop flirting with me and let's go see McGonagall.'

'You're even more beautiful when you're angry,' he said, taking a step closer to her.

'Knock it off,' she said furiously.

'Knock what off?' said James. 'I'm not flirting with you, Evans. I'm just stating a simple fact. You're beautiful when you're angry. Now, if I told you that I liked you sitting on my lap, _that_would be flirting.'

Lily's eyes became saucers and her jaw dropped. Dear god, he was...he was incorrigible! Impossible! Completely inappropriate! She'd fix him.

'You didn't need to tell me that,' she said haughtily. 'That thing I felt on my leg when I was sitting on your lap told me quite enough, thank you.'

And with that, she stalked away.

It was James's turn to goggle after her.

That little _minx!_His ears were burning. He couldn't believe she'd just said that. Lily Evans, Little

Miss Proper, the School Prude!

He started after her, his mind reeling, his thoughts drifting back to the train. He and Lily had managed to behave in perfect civility toward the prefects as they held their meeting in the train coach. But afterward they descended into another round of flirting (James) and insult hurling (Lily). Lily left the coach to seek out her two friends, Clarissa and Marianne. James went off to find the Marauders.

James didn't see Lily until very near the end of the journey, when he and Lily had to do patrols. They walked side by side up and down the length of the train. Lily was very close to him; her robes kept brushing against his. He noticed that she smelled delicious, very much like lilies, in fact. They had returned to the Head Boy/Girl coach to fetch their things. They had levitated their trunks off the rack and were just starting to leave the coach when the train gave a lurch. Lily stumbled and fell against him; the impact drove him into the train seat and he caught her as she landed on his lap. She had put her arms round his neck to stop herself from falling, and his arms had wrapped round her waist.

James had expected her to leap off him, smooth her robes, thank him coolly, and march out of the coach. Instead she'd sat there for what were the longest ten seconds of his life. Her eyes bored into his and her lips-her lips had been so close. James could have sworn he felt her tremble as he held onto her. Then he felt himself straining against the confines of his trousers. Dear god, he was aroused. The mere fact of having her in his lap like that, fully clothed, wearing a school uniform

and robes that hid her body away...and his crotch was on fire. Then she shifted in his lap and he felt the pressure of the back of her thigh against his erection. Her eyes widened and she jumped off him and seemed to race out of the coach as though she were frightened out of her wits.

She was frightened, James thought. But not of him. Well, not completely. No, she was frightened of the whole idea of sex. It drove him mad. He knew she was passionate-he'd seen her in the full throes of some dazzling displays of temper (many directed at him). No girl given to that kind of anger could be the frigid type so many other people in the school thought her to be.

He watched the progress of her red hair as they walked toward McGonagall's office, and thought back to dinner. He'd watched her through most of the meal; she'd been talking to her two girlfriends

for a little but then she fell silent. He watched her face, the change in her expression, saw the color creep up in her face and neck. He knew that whatever she was thinking about (and he hoped it was him) was nothing innocent.

The fact that she was a virgin only made her more desirable in James's eyes. Talk about a challenge. He knew she'd had a boyfriend last year and she'd dated a few other blokes on and off, but she hadn't given it up yet. James knew it was wrong, but a part of him couldn't help but feast on the

idea of being the bloke to take her virginity.

_Calm__down,__Potte__r__,__or__you'll__split__your__t__r__ousers__open,_he thought suddenly, realizing they were very close to McGonagall's office. He quickly thought of something completely unsexy (Professor

Sprout in a nightie did the trick), and entered the office.

An hour later, scrolls in hand, James and Lily left McGonagall's office. He was tired and bored. The thrill of being named Head Boy had already worn off for him. Now that he was in his final year at school, he was ready for some serious fun. He made a mental note to find Sirius and Remus and Peter first thing when they got back to the common room.

'Pumpkin Pasty,' said Lily to the portrait of the Fat Lady; the portrait swung inward and she crawled through it, affording James a view (albeit one covered by school robes) of her shapely derriere. He clenched his fists and followed her through, thinking of Snivellus in swim trunks, and the tingling between his legs abated.

The common room was crowded and buzzing. James spotted Sirius at once; he was sitting lazily in a chair by the fire, surrounded by girls as always. Remus had chosen a quiet corner and sat at a small table, reading a book.

_Good old Moony, always staying one step ahead of everyone else. No wonder he got twelve O. ._

Peter, meanwhile, was sitting on the floor next to the fire, in the midst of half a dozen babbling, fawning girls who ignored him in favor of Sirius.

James rolled his eyes. _My__best__mate,__Sirius__Black,__the__P__r__etty__Bo__y__._

Lily walked away from him and joined Marianne and Clarissa at a table across the room. James tried not to look at Lily too much; looking at her caused him to think about doing things to her, and that caused things to happen inside his trousers and he was bloody well tired of having an erection. He began to wonder whether he'd been better off when they were eleven and he had liked Lily in that sort of innocent, romantic way, because he hadn't grown up enough to know that girls- especially _this_girl-were luscious, soft creatures with smooth skin and delicious curves. At least back then he could admire her without walking funny or having to put his hands in front of his crotch.

It was crazy, really, because it wasn't like James hadn't had a few girls in his day. The mystery of sex wasn't much of a mystery to him anymore. Those mysterious parts of a girl's body that were usually hidden weren't all that mysterious anymore.

_One__would__think,_James thought_,__that__I'd__have__mo__r__e__cont__r__ol__over__myself__now__that__I've__been__the__r__e,__done__that._

But of course those other girls weren't Lily. And he hadn't seen Lily's mysterious girl parts.

_S__top__i__t_, he told himself. _Hagrid__in__a__bikini._

Again the tingling inside his trousers stopped.

'What a surprise, Sirius,' said James laconically as he strolled over to his friend and his friend's fan club. 'Surrounded by beautiful girls as always.' James threw a wink at the girls, all of whom giggled. They looked young, these girls; probably fourth or fifth years.

'I was just regaling these lovely ladies with a tale of one of our many famous exploits,' said Sirius, smiling a dazzling smile.

'Which exploit would that be?' James asked, grinning. 'The unicorn on the roof?'

'No,' said Sirius. 'That time we put Shrinking Solution in the Slytherin Quidditch team's knickers.'

'Not that they needed it much, right?' said Peter, laughing a bit hysterically.

James and Sirius exchange a look. Peter was a good bloke, but a bit too...awestruck by them.

'Good one, Pete,' said James, clapping Peter on the back a bit harder than he should. Peter absorbed the blow and laughed nervously.

'Remus, quit reading and come and join us!' Sirius called.

'In a minute,' said Remus, his eyes fixed on his book. James watched him for a moment. The full moon was two weeks away. Remus looked healthier for the moment, but in ten days' time he'd be walking round with that sick, pale look again. Already Remus's light brown hair was showing flecks of grey.

'Come on, Remus,' said James heartily, crossing the room to Remus. 'N.E. are a year off. You won't miss anything if you start tomorrow.'

Remus looked up from his book and smiled lightly. 'I think you already have your hands full,' he said dryly, nodding to the passel of girls surrounding Sirius.

'Nah, that's just Sirius's fan club,' said James.

'Right,' said Remus. 'You only have eyes for Evans.'

'Shut it,' said James, but he grinned.

'Has she finally given in to your-what number are we on now-oh yes-your fifteen hundred and twenty-seventh request to go out with you?' Remus asked, his eyes returning to his book.

'No,' said James, glancing over at Lily, who was deep in conversation with a couple of sixth year girls. 'But I think this is my year.'

Remus looked up at him sardonically. 'I'll be crossing my fingers for you, mate.'

'No, I'm serious,' said James. 'I got her to admit that she didn't loathe me. On the train. She said she only disliked me with the intensity of a thousand suns.'

'Well, that's good news,' said Remus. 'You've worked your way down from outright, blazing, total hatred to dislike with the intensity of a thousand suns. Give it ten more years and you might get her down to cold indifference.'

'Ha ha,' said James, and he swatted Remus on the back of the head.

'Potter.'

James looked up. Lily was standing there, looking cool and aloof. God did he want to snog her. Remus coughed and buried his nose in his book.

'What, Evans?' he said lazily. He stepped away from Remus and moved in closer to her. He rather liked invading her personal space a bit.

'We have rounds in two hours,' she said. 'Remember?'

'Right, rounds,' said James. 'That's where you and I get to walk round the school. Alone. Together. And look for trouble.'

'Trouble _maker__s_,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'But seeing as I'm stuck doing rounds with you, I

already have a trouble maker.'

'Are you referring to me?' he asked innocently.

'Your brilliance is positively astounding, Potter,' she said nastily. 'Yes, I am referring to you.'

'But you don't have me, Evans,' he said wickedly, grinning and arching his eyebrows. 'Although you _can_have me whenever you want.'

Her eyes flashed. 'You're a pig.'

'Guilty,' he said.

She gritted her teeth and took a deep breath, clearly trying to keep a lid on her temper. Damn, but he loved getting her riled up!

'I'm warning you, Potter,' she said, in a low voice. 'Unlike you, I take my Head Girl duties seriously. If you try anything at all while we're on duty, I swear to you on my grandfather's grave that I will hex you into next week.'

'You are so sexy when you threaten me,' he growled, grinning wolfishly.

'Oh!' she said angrily, turning on her heel and stalking away. He watched her walk away, her hair swinging down her back as she moved.

'Oh, she _loves_you, mate,' said Remus dryly. He'd closed his book and was now standing next to

James.

'Definitely,' said James, smiling. 'She's crazy about me.' He looked at Remus and they both laughed.

**Chapter Three: Success**

Lily stormed out of the common room in a fury.

'Damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!' she muttered. _Damn__him!__Damn__James__Potter!__Ar__r__ogant,__conceited,__self-absorbed,__lascivious__c__r__etin!_Lily thought as she stomped down the

corridor, round the corner and to her private quarters. The Head Girl rooms.

'Sugar Quill,' she muttered, and the door softly clicked open.

Lily walked inside the room. Her own room. She sighed with pleasure, her anger at James momentarily forgotten. The room wasn't huge, but it would do. Oh, it would do splendidly.

She crossed to the bed, turned, and fell backward onto it with a soft giggle.

_My__own__r__oom!_she thought. _Being__Head__Girl__has__its__advantages.__No__mo__r__e__having__to__listen__to__Clarissa__and__Marianne__and__A__l__ice__and__Emily__yammer__on__and__on__about__boys__until__all__hours__of__the__morning.__No__mo__r__e__tripping__over__the__clothes__they__were__always__ca__r__elessly__leaving__all__over__the__floo__r__.__And__best__of__all..._

'My own bathroom!' she said out loud, leaping off the bed and heading straight for the little bathroom off to the left of the bed.

Like the bedroom, it wasn't huge, but the fact that it was her own was enough. She had her own bathtub! No more having to schedule baths in the prefects' bathroom. No more worrying about sharing sink space. She could end her every evening with a luxurious bath if she wanted, and nobody would bother her.

Her trunk was stowed neatly at the foot of the bed. She had almost two hours until rounds; she might as well unpack now.

Rounds. With James Potter. The anger she felt came back in a rush, only this time it was directed at herself as much as James.

_S__tupid__girl,_she told herself as she unpacked several school jumpers and put them in her chest of drawers. _Y__ou__know__you__shouldn__'__t__let__him__push__your__buttons._

Why did he push her buttons anyway? She tried to think about it logically.

Logically, she shouldn't care what he thought of her. But logic didn't seem to want to fit with James

Potter.

She swore under her breath. She knew what he was all about. She knew why he was pursuing her.

_T__o__get__into__your__knickers,__t__hat__'__s__wh__y_, a voice told her. _Nothing__mo__r__e._

And why not? Potter always loved a challenge. He'd been at her for two years, trying to convince her to go out with him. It was perverse. Any other bloke would have given up long ago. Sirius certainly had. Two rejections and he had walked away. (Of course, he didn't have to walk far to find a dozen eager and willing girls to give him what Lily hadn't.)

But Potter was relentless. And she knew why. What better salve to his precious male ego than to bed Lily Evans, whom everyone knew was a stuck up, frigid virgin? What a notch on his belt _she_would be.

Her eyes burned a little and she blinked. It bothered her. She had to admit it. It bothered her that

James was going after her so hard simply to get her into bed. It bothered her a lot.

She thought back to her four-month relationship with Billy. She had thought he understood why she couldn't sleep with him. Why she was scared. But in the end, he'd dropped her. Just like the other blokes she'd dated.

Which, of course, meant something had to be wrong with her. She looked up from her unpacking and stared into the mirror above her vanity table.

She wouldn't lie to herself; she knew she was what many would call pretty.

_But__dammit,__the__r__e__'__s__mo__r__e__to__me__than__that!_she thought bitterly. _And__the__r__e__'__s__mo__r__e__ t__o__me__than__my__stupid__private__parts!_

But the boys she'd been with clearly had only wanted her because she was pretty; they'd only wanted her for her private parts. She felt a lump in her throat.

_Why can't any boy just like me for me?_

And now Potter was after her, again. Her sadness turned to anger again. He was no different than

the other boys. No, she corrected, he was worse. So full of himself. So certain he was going to wear her down somehow.

_As if._

'Dream on, Potter,' she mumbled as she continued to unpack her things.

_It__would__a__lot__easie__r__,_Lily thought, _if__he__could__just__be__hateful__and__call__me__rude__names,__like__Snape__does._

But no, Potter insisted on flirting with her. He just _had_to occasionally be something less than insufferable. He had to make things difficult by being charming from time to time. He had to render it difficult to hate him by daring to be sexy.

_He__'__s__not__sexy!_she thought quickly.

_Oh__no?_said another voice in her head. _Then__why__did__you__get__all__t__i__ngly__in__your__knickers__w__hen__you__sat__on__his__lap?__Why__do__you__k__eep__thinking__about__that__bulge__in__his__pants__p__r__essing__up__against__your_

_leg? Why do you keep wishing he'd held you there and let you feel that bulge against your leg as he kissed you?_

Lily dropped the pair of jeans she was folding and sat down, willing herself to stop thinking about

The Incident on the Train. But of course she did anyway, and immediately cursed herself.

She didn't _want_to feel attracted to James Potter. It was...grotesque. She knew if she ever gave in to him that he'd simply use her and discard her like those other girls he'd been with. Or worse. He'd probably brag about it to the whole bloody school. Then she'd go from being the school prude to being 'just another tart' in a matter of hours. Wasn't that always the way? A boy could shag his way through the whole school and he'd be called wonderful but a girl could give it up once and be called a scrubber.

With a disgusted sigh, Lily finished packing. Every passing minute that brought her closer to doing rounds with James Potter was a minute full of increasing dread. She could only imagine what he might try now that he had the perfect excuse to be alone with her.

She checked her watch. Five minutes to eleven. She went to the mirror and checked her reflection, then brushed her hair. Put on some lip balm. Popped a mint into her mouth...

_What are you doing? It's only Potter!_

Lily spit the mint out into her hand. Here she was, primping as if she were about to go out on a date! She threw the mint in her wastepaper basket and quickly mussed up her hair with her hands. No

need to look remotely pretty for James Potter, thank you very much.

She started out the door then checked the mirror again. Messy hair she could live with, but not a messy uniform. She tightened her necktie, smoothed her skirt and jumper, and fastened her robes into place, putting her wand in an inside pocket. She kept a grip on it as she exited her room, ready to jinx Potter into oblivion if he tried anything.

She started back down the corridor in the direction of Gryffindor tower until she reached the Head

Boy room, and gave a sharp knock on the door.

His voice, lazy and...sexy (_damn__him__!_) came resonating through the door.

'Evans? Is that you, beautiful?'

'Oh, for god's sake,' she muttered, then said in a louder voice, 'Yes, Potter it's me. Let's get this nightmare over with, please.'

The door clicked open and James appeared. His hair was messier than usual (he'd probably spent the past ten minutes carefully ruffling it into place) and he had a smile on his lips.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'Let's go.'

'Nice to see you, too, Evans,' he said, feigning a hurt expression.

'Potter, can we please just do this so I can go back to my room and drown myself in my bathtub?'

she said, starting off back up the corridor toward the main stairs.

James caught up with her. 'Drown yourself in your tub?' he said. 'Will you be naked?' Lily stopped for a moment and closed her eyes.

_Merlin, give me strength._

'Let's _go_,' she said stiffly. She would _not_let him rile her up tonight. They started up the stairs. James was stealing looks at her.

Well, not really stealing looks at all, as he was making it rather obvious that he was looking her over.

'Can you please not do that?' said Lily, in a tired, annoyed kind of voice as she reached the sixth floor landing.

'Can't help it,' said James, grinning. 'You're too pretty.'

'God, you're insufferable,' she said through gritted teeth.

'This would be a whole lot easier if you were homely,' James went on, ignoring her. 'If you were homely I wouldn't be so distracted all the time.'

'This would actually be a lot easier if you would just s_hut__u__p_.'

'That's not very nice, Evans,' said James as they turned left down the corridor. 'I'm just making friendly conversation here.'

'I wasn't aware that friendly conversation including repeatedly leering at someone,' she said haughtily.

'I'm not leering!' James protested, coming to a halt. 'I'm simply...gazing at you appreciatively.'

'Oh, whatever!' she said, exasperated, her anger at the surface now. Dammit, he'd done it again. Pushed her buttons.

_Wouldn't you like him to push your buttons, Little Miss Head Girl. Stop that!_

They continued down the corridor. James finally seemed to decide to be quiet, at least for now, but she could feel his eyes on her. The back of her neck burned. He was looking at her like he was...hungry. Like he wanted to eat her up.

He was being lewd. It was disgusting.

It was unbearably sexy. She felt tingly all over, especially...

'All right there, Evans?' James asked, his voice soft but nonetheless echoing down the corridor.

'Fine,' she said. 'I'm just fine.'

James said little more for the next several minutes. It was hard to talk, really. She had looked so bloody fantastic when he'd seen her coming out of her room. Her hair was a mess; tangled and wavy.

_Damn, Potter, but you could mess her hair up like that if you ever got her under you and snogged her senseless._

_Hair__that__amazing__shouldn__'__t__be__legal,_he thought. And was it fair that she looked so lovely in a stupid school uniform and robes? He found himself clenching his fists as they wandered the corridors, thinking of every non-sexual image that came to mind. After conjuring up an image in his head of Dumbledore in a dress, the ache in his groin subsided. But along with the relief of his trousers no longer pinching him came the pressing boredom of walking the corridors. He broke the silence.

'Well, this is exciting,' he said dryly. 'And to think I could be back in my room asleep in my bed.'

'Speak for yourself,' she said curtly. 'I was rather looking forward a nice bath.'

'There's a lovely image,' he said, smiling dreamily. 'Better than drowning yourself, definitely.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake!' said Lily. 'Can't I make a single comment about anything without you...twisting it?' She was blushing furiously.

'Can't help it, Evans,' he said. 'I'm twisted. And if you don't want me to think about what you look like in the bath, stop bringing it up. That's the second time you've mentioned it. I'm beginning to wonder about you.'

That did it. James pursed his lips to keep from grinning as she halted and turned to him with blazing eyes. He felt his trousers get tight again.

'And just what is that supposed to mean?' she asked coldly. 'Just _what_are you wondering about, pray tell?'

'I'm just wondering why you keep talking about you in the bath,' said James coolly. 'It's almost like you _want_me to imagine what you look like in the tub.'

'So it's _my_fault you're acting like a complete pig, is it?'

'Give me a break, Evans,' said James easily. 'You're a beautiful girl and I'm a bloke with a pulse.' And an erection, he thought grimly, but he kept his expression neutral and was glad for his robes.

'Ah, of course,' she said, folding her arms across her chest. Her expression became defiant and her eyes, fixed on him, began to wander-very blatantly-up and down.

'It seems you have a lot more than a pulse,' she said, her eyes darting to his lower regions.

James felt his stomach drop and instinctively his hands flew to his crotch. Dammit, he thought his robes were covering that up! A smug smile came across Lily's face.

'I'm sure that's not very comfortable,' she said. She reached into her wand and pulled it from the pocket of her robes. 'I'd be happy to do a Shrinking Spell on it if you'd like.'

James gritted his teeth, furious with himself. Furious with her. He couldn't believe how different she was now. In one day she'd managed to shock him out of his wits twice. By embarrassing the hell out of him. Sure, she'd insulted him plenty in the past, but never had she made reference to his...his...

He felt heat flood his face and his ears, and he suddenly wished he were back in his room. But no, two could play at this game.

'Actually, I was rather hoping you'd sit on my lap again,' he said in a low voice, closing the distance between them.

At this she seemed to shrink, just a bit. A nervous look crossed her face and the smugness of just a moment ago vanished.

_Ha!__That__showed__he__r_.

'Keep hoping,' she said, her voice shaking just a bit. She walked away from him, and James took immense satisfaction in the fact that her stride was a bit less assured now.

For the rest of their rounds James kept quiet. He didn't want to push his luck; he had learned over the course of his acquaintance with Lily just how far he could take things before she really got steamed. Or worse, offended. But he allowed himself the pleasure of smiling coolly at her whenever she glanced at him, which was rather more often than he expected.

Rounds went smoothly until close to midnight, when James and Lily rounded the corner toward the dungeons and Peeves the Poltergeist decided to wreak a little havoc.

As Lily and James passed a huge suit of armor mounted against the left wall, a massive battle axe accompanying said armor creaked and came roaring downward.

James reacted in an instant.

'Evans!'

She yelped as he shoved her hard out of the way, yanked out his wand and bellowed '_W__inga__r__dium_

_Leviosa!'_The massive axe stopped in mid-air and floated lightly to the ground. Peeves began to cackle.

'Dammit, Peeves!' James yelled. He fired his wand at the fleeing poltergeist, but missed. Then he

turned to look at Lily.

She was pressed against the opposite wall, white as a sheet and trembling.

'Hey,' he said, crossing to her. 'You all right, Evans?' He put a hand on her shoulder.

She looked at him with huge green eyes; she didn't seem to be able to talk. James felt a flash of worry for her.

'Evans-' he said.

'I'm fine,' she said shakily. 'Fine. Th-thanks. I...I think we're finished with rounds now.'

'Yeah,' said James. He had his arm round her shoulder and was looking down at her with worry.

'You're sure you're okay?'

'Yes,' she said firmly, and she seemed to recover herself, stepping away from him. 'Thank you, James.'

James felt heat creeping up the back of his neck, his ears.

_She__called__me__James!__She__called__me__JAMES!__She__never__calls__me__James!__That_has _to__mean __something._

Had his feet not been frozen in place, he might have done backflips right on the spot. As it was, he felt his face go into what he knew had to be a very goofy, silly grin.

'You're welcome...Lily,' he said. His hand was still on her shoulder. If he moved his hand just a little, he could touch her hair.

She bit her lip and said, 'Er, we should...turn in.'

James blinked. 'Oh. Right.' He dropped his hand reluctantly.

She stepped away from him and started walking resolutely toward the stairs. He followed, in a bit of a daze.

He'd just saved her life, really. He'd gotten to play the hero for her. But instead of feeling his usual smugness and satisfaction, he felt bewildered. She had called him James. The sound of his name on her lips had pulled the rug right out from under him. He couldn't believe something as simple as her saying his name could make his head spin.

Then he thought about how she'd looked just after he'd stopped the axe from falling. So scared and vulnerable. So pale. He could have used that to his advantage. Put the moves on her then. At the very least he could have taken her in his arms and stroked her hair. Why hadn't he?

They came to the corridor leading to the Head Boy and Girl quarters.

'Can I walk you?' James asked, his throat and tongue still feeling thick.

'Oh,' said Lily, flushing prettily. 'Okay.'

What was happening here? James felt all out of sorts. Why couldn't he seem to talk to her all of sudden? Say something funny or scandalous or rile her up a bit?

They came to her door.

'Well,' she said softly, looking up at him with those dazzling green eyes. 'Thank you, Potter. For saving me from getting my head cut off.'

_So it's back to Potter. Damn._

'Oh, that,' he said, feeling a bit of his normal self come back. 'It was nothing. Do it all the time.'

'Well, g'night,' she said. 'See you in lessons.'

'G'night,' he said as she whispered the password of her room and started to step inside.

'Evans,' he said quickly. She turned and looked at him. She looked just a bit aloof now. Normal

James was back; he had to be. And he just had to ask her.

'Go out with me?' he said. He waited for her rejection with a hand on his hip. She appraised him for a long moment.

'All right, then,' she said at last.

James almost fainted on the spot. 'You...you will? You'll go out with me?'

'I will,' she said, her tone cool again. She was entirely herself now.

'That's...that's great!' he said, kicking himself for sounding so thrilled. _Keep__it__cool,__Potte__r__._

He couldn't believe she'd actually said yes. He cleared his throat and strove for a more casual tone.

_Normal, James._

'So,' he said, 'how about first Hogsmeade weekend, then?' _Cool,__keep__it__cool._

She folded her arms over her chest. 'Fine,' she said. 'But if you try anything, I'll hex you.'

'I swear I'll be a perfect gentleman,' James said solemnly, putting his hand over his heart to emphasize the point.

She rolled her eyes. 'We'll see about that.'

Her eyes met his for a long moment. She was very close. A small part of him thought he should just grab her and kiss her and get it over with. The way she was looking at him now...he knew she would have liked it. But he didn't.

_Tread carefully, Potter._

'Does this mean,' he said slowly, 'you still dislike me with the intensity of a thousand suns?' She paused, considered, and spoke. 'I think we can knock a few suns off that figure. You know,

for...coming to my rescue.'

'Yeah?' he said. 'So we're down to what, eight hundred suns?'

'Don't push it,' she said. 'More like nine-hundred fifty.'

'Ah,' he said. 'I s'pose I still have some work to do.'

'Yes, I suppose you do,' she said coolly. 'Good night.'

She backed into her room. Her face was aloof but she was trembling just a little. She shut the door in his face.

He stood outside her door for a long moment, his brain reeling. She had said yes. She had finally agreed to go out with him.

He turned and started toward his own room; he barely felt his feet touch the ground. He burst into his own room, shut the door behind him, threw himself on his bed, and yelled out loud.

'YES!'

**Chapter Four: First Date**

Lily climbed into bed, her head spinning.

_What__on__earth__have__I__done?_she thought. _I__ag__r__eed__to__go__out__with__James__Potte__r__.__Why?__Why?__Why?_

_Y__ou__know__wh__y__,_a voice told her. _Y__ou__like__him.__Ad__m__it__it._

'No, I don't,' she said out loud. She didn't. She'd only said yes because he'd rescued her from

Peeves's latest prank. In a moment of weakness, she'd said yes.

_That__'__s__what__it__was,_she thought. _Just__a__moment__of__weakness.__He__was__standing__the__r__e__looking__all__cute__and__charming.__He'd__just__r__escued__you,__and__you__we__r__e__thinking__about__how__it__felt__to__have__his__arm__r__ound__your__shoulde__r__.__And__you__totally__choked__and__gave__in._

_No,_she thought. _I was__thinking__about__what__he'd__said__earlie__r__.__About__how__he__wanted__me__to__sit__on__his__lap.__Damn__him._

She did want to sit on his lap. She wanted to do a lot more than that. That secret part of her was tingling again. She closed her eyes. She hadn't really stopped tingling down there the whole time they'd been on rounds.

She should be offended. He had been looking at her like a wolf looks at raw meat. But she had liked it. She wished he'd done more than look at her.

The tingling got worse. She hated herself for feeling like this, hated James for making her feel like this. Why should she suddenly be attracted to him now, when she'd felt nothing of the sort for him before?

_Because__I__did__feel__something__befo__r__e,__I__just__dated__other__blokes__to__fo__r__get__about__i__t_, she thought. Other blokes that she kissed, that she let touch her sometimes. But nobody, not even Billy, had made her tingle like this.

And James had barely touched her.

The throbbing between her legs became unbearable. She groaned out loud and did the only thing

she knew to relieve it, letting her hand travel beneath her nightdress. All the while, images of James

Potter doing naughty things to her swirled in her head.

'You finally said yes?' Clarissa squeaked next day at breakfast. 'Oh, Lily, that's...that's so wonderful!'

'Keep it down,' Lily hissed. 'Anyway, I only said yes so he'd stop bugging me about it,' she added.

_Y__ou'__r__e__a__r__otten__lia__r__,__Evan__s_.

'Yeah, right,' said Marianne, eyeing Lily carefully. 'You like him, Lily. Admit it.'

'I don't dislike him,' said Lily evasively.

'Well, that's progress,' said Clarissa, in a low voice. 'Anyway, it's about time. Just make sure you remember to perform the Contraceptive Charm before he shags you.'

'Clarissa!' Lily. 'I'm not going to shag James Potter, for heaven's sake!'

'Yeah, Clarissa,' said Marianne, smiling knowingly. 'Not on the first date.'

'Marianne!'

Marianne and Clarissa giggled, and Lily was left to blush, mumble incoherently, and force her breakfast down her throat. She glanced up to see James watching her, again. He grinned.

_Dammit!__And__he__p__r__obably__knows__just__what__I__was__talking__about,_she thought.

The first few weeks of term proved to be a bit of a nightmare for Lily. The advantages that came with being Head Girl were quickly overshadowed by the disadvantages. Nightly patrols meant that Lily was forced to stay up much later than what she'd like. As Head Girl, she was in charge of helping create study programs for the fifth and seventh years, in preparation for their exams. She and James had to supervise the prefects, ensure that they didn't abuse their positions (as the

Slytherin prefects were wont to do), and act as a sounding board to all of them whenever a prefect was having a problem.

Lily's class schedule had never been more demanding than this year. All her classes were N.E.W.T. level. She wanted a job working in the Ministry of Magic, preferably in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. McGonagall had suggested an Auror career for her-she was taking all the right classes for it-but Lily wasn't sure she had quite the physical qualifications for such a demanding job. She rather preferred, in any case, a career that was more focused on mental exertions.

With her heavy class load, her Head Girl duties and nightly patrols, the weeks passed quickly. Too quickly. Very soon the first Hogsmeade visit would come up, and she'd have to go. With James Potter. On a date.

She'd done her best to keep her distance from him. A tall order, considering she shared nightly patrols with him and discovered that he was in most of her classes. She was relieved to notice that he seemed to have backed off a bit from his more audacious flirting, and was keeping conversation on a more decidedly friendly level. She herself had done everything she could to send the message to him that she wasn't going to stand for his more outrageous behavior, and he seemed, so far, to be going along.

But even with Lily's carefully cultivated distancing, she found herself thinking about James Potter more often than she wanted to. She was noticing things about him now that she hadn't before, perhaps because before she'd just hated him too much.

His hair, for example. He wasn't messing about with it as much, but then, he didn't have to. It was very messy. And very black. And it looked very soft.

Then, there was his body. He wasn't the skinny kid he was two years ago. Still lean, to be sure, but filled out just enough. In all the right places. Lily hadn't actually _seen_any part of his body unclothed, but on their nights off from patrol, she'd seen him in the common room, wearing jeans and t-shirts that clung to him in all the right places. She'd been able to easily discern how broad his shoulders were; how flat his stomach was.

There was also his personality. He was still as mischievous as ever, but she had noticed almost right away that his penchant for hexing students in the corridors when they annoyed him seemed to have vanished. He was almost...polite to everyone. In lessons, he was no longer passing notes with Sirius or playing pranks on other students. He seemed to actually pay attention to what he was doing, and more than once, Lily saw him taking notes-he even did it in History of Magic, which was the most boring lesson of all.

There was no doubt he was different this year; Lily found herself liking this New and Improved

James rather more than she felt comfortable with.

It didn't help that every damn night she went to bed with naughty thoughts of him swirling round in her brain; her dreams were becoming downright scandalous. She began to dread their date. Not because of what he might try, but because he might not try anything at all. And she realized that she wanted him to try...something.

The day of the Hogsmeade visit came bright and sunny. It was early October; the first front hadn't come yet and the last traces of summer seemed to be clinging to the air. Lily woke early, having slept badly the night before. She gazed in the mirror and scowled.

_Not__good,_she thought. Her hair was tangled, her eyes were tired and bloodshot and she had blue circles underneath them. She went into the bathroom and took a hot shower, scrubbing herself with her washcloth until her skin was pink and washing her hair vigorously. It helped some; she stepped out of the shower, dried off, and wrapped her hair in her towel.

_What__to__wear?_she wondered. School robes, of course, but as it was a weekend day, no school uniform was required. She settled on a pair of jeans and a peasant blouse, over which she wore a

thick jumper. She performed a Drying Charm on her hair and brushed it smooth, then tied it back in a ponytail. She looked in the mirror again. The circles had faded and her eyes were no longer bloodshot, but she still looked tired and pale. She fumbled around among her rarely used cosmetics and applied a little blush and lip-gloss. Better.

She met James near the entrance doors. He grinned as she approached.

'Evans,' he said, some of his old cockiness showing. 'You look smashing, as always.'

'Thank you,' she said, trying to keep her voice cool. 'Shall we go?'

He offered her his arm. She couldn't help but smile. It was such a...Victorian sort of gesture, and it looked a bit ridiculous on him, but she took his proffered arm.

They presented their permission forms to Argus Filch, the grumpy caretaker; he waved them off, but gave James a pointed glare and Lily distinctly thought she heard him mumble, 'Ruddy berk, that Potter.'

'So,' said Lily, feeling awkward as they made their way to the village. 'Filch doesn't think too highly of you.'

'Oh, he hates me,' said James brightly. 'Always has. Ever since I bewitched the portraits in his office to call him names.'

'You didn't!'

'I most certainly did,' he said, grinning. 'You won't report me, will you?'

Lily shook her head, but she smiled in spite of herself. 'I still can't believe you're Head Boy.'

'Neither can I,' said James. 'I'll be honest, Evans. When I got the letter I thought Dumbledore had cracked. I always figured Remus had it locked up.'

'Where is Remus, anyway?' Lily asked. 'I haven't seen him in lessons the past few days.'

James stiffened slightly, and looked away. 'Oh,' he said. 'He's, er, been sick. Went to see Madam

Pomfrey for a bit.'

He was lying. She could tell. It didn't bother her so much as intrigue her. She knew something was up with Remus Lupin, but she'd never quite been able to put her finger on it. He was sick a lot, and he always seemed to disappear from school for a few days at a time. She wondered how he kept up with his schoolwork, but he had, and gotten top marks, besides.

James must know something of Remus's illness, but he didn't seem keen to discuss it. She didn't push the issue. However maddening James could be sometimes, she had always secretly admired his loyalty to his closest friends.

'So, where...where did you want to go?' he asked.

'I could do with a butterbeer,' she said. 'Three Broomsticks?'

'All right,' he said, sounding just a bit disappointed. But he took her hand in his and led her to the pub all the same.

Lily's hand tingled at the contact with his fingers. They were a bit callused, probably from

Quidditch. They'd probably feel good touching her...

_Knock__it__off!_she thought, as she and James crossed the threshold into the crowded, busy pub. They found a table in a corner and a young barmaid approached them almost at once.

'What'll be, dears?'

'Two butterbeers, please,' said James, handing her some Sickles. She smiled flirtatiously at him; she was a curvy, pretty sort of woman who was fully aware of her charms. Lily felt her fist clench under

the table at the way the barmaid tossed her ponytail over her shoulder and walked off swinging her hips, but James wasn't looking at the barmaid. He was looking at Lily.

She felt heat creep up her neck as she looked at him. His expression was different than it had been on so many of their patrols together. Not wolfish at all, but warm. Gentle. A bit playful. She decided she liked this look of his just as much.

'So, Evans,' he said casually. 'Why'd you finally agree to come out with me, anyway? Found out you couldn't resist my staggering charms after all?'

She rolled her eyes and went along with it. 'No, I came out with you because I was tired of you begging me all the time.'

'Touché,' he said, grinning. The barmaid returned and set two bottles of butterbeer down on the table, flashed a smile at James, and sauntered off.

'She seems to like you,' Lily commented dryly, taking a sip of her butterbeer.

'Jealous, are you?' James asked archly.

'Of course not,' said Lily, reddening again. Dammit, she wished she would stop turning red already!

'Good,' said James, setting down his bottle on the table. He slid his hand across the wooden surface and took her hand lightly. 'You shouldn't be jealous. I only have eyes for you.'

He had begun to stroke the skin on the top of her hand with his thumb. Dear god. The tingles returned. Lily wanted to pull her hand away. She didn't. Instead, she took another sip of butterbeer.

'Why did you decide to go out with me?' he asked, still caressing her hand. 'Seriously.'

_Don__'__t__ask__me,_she thought_.__Because__I__haven__'__t__been__able__to__get__you__out__of__my__head.__Because__I__hope__you'll__take__me__somewhe__r__e__and...do__things__to__me.__Because__you'__r__e__cute__as__hell__and__I__hate__you__and__I'm__falling__for__you._

'I...I thought it would be...fun,' she said lamely. She swallowed and quickly changed tack, finding her more aloof self. 'I mean, you always seem to have such a good time, so I thought, why not? Even if you behave like a prat sometimes.'

He laughed. 'I behave like a prat because I'm crazy about you,' he said bluntly. 'Isn't that always how it is? A bloke acts stupid around the girl he likes?'

'I wouldn't know,' said Lily. He was still stroking her hand. He was making her wish he'd stroke her somewhere else. It was hot in the pub. She wanted to leave. She didn't move from her seat.

'You're very direct,' she added, taking another nervous sip of butterbeer, but forcing herself to look at him, to keep her tone light.

'I've never believed in beating round the bush,' James said lightly, sitting back in his chair, letting go of her hand. She bit her lip in disappointment. 'The direct approach is so much more expedient, don't you think?'

'I suppose,' said Lily. 'Except that sometimes the direct approach causes a lot of...awkwardness.'

'Are you feeling awkward, then?' James asked, leaning in again. His eyes. Hazel. Green and gold and brown all at once.

'No,' she lied. 'Wh-what do you fancy doing now? After...after we finish our drinks, I mean.'

'Ever been to the Shrieking Shack?' he asked.

'Er, no,' said Lily. 'Why would anyone go there? It's...it's supposed to be haunted.'

'Nah,' said James, scoffing. 'That's just silly village rumors. It's a pretty cool place, actually. And anyway, even if it were haunted, it's daytime. So we're safe.'

'I don't know,' said Lily hesitantly. Of course, if going to the Shrieking Shack meant she'd be alone with him and could snog him—

_S__top,_she told herself. No, going to the Shrieking Shack didn't seem like a very good idea, now she thought about it. She might do something stupid. She might let James do things she'd regret later.

'Come on, Evans,' said James, in a cajoling kind of voice. Then a wicked grin spread across his face. 'Unless you're scared.'

_Oh, he's good. Knows just how to get under your skin._

'I'm not scared, Potter,' she said, raising her chin.

'Good,' he said. 'Let's go, shall we?'

'All right.' Her stomach was flip-flopping. Her heart was pounding. He took her hand and they headed out of the pub, butterbeers in hand.

Once outside, Lily felt James tug her hand to the right, and she went along. What was she doing, going off alone with him? Didn't she know what could happen?

_You want it to happen. No, I don't!_

_Yes, you most certainly do._

'Coming, Evans?' James asked, feeling her hesitate. 'Or did you change your mind?'

'I'm coming,' she said firmly.

'Excellent,' he said. 'The perfect place to be alone.'

'Potter,' she said in a warning voice.

'I told you I'd be a perfect gentleman and I meant it,' James said, grinning. She looked at him with narrowed eyes. 'You'd better not try anything.'

_Oh, by all means, please try something._

'I won't,' he said. 'Promise.'

_Damn._

James led Lily up the long path toward the Shrieking Shack, his heart pounding. Finally, alone with her. On a date. Anything could happen.

Except that it couldn't. He had promised he wouldn't try anything. What a stupid promise.

The moment he saw her, he'd wanted to kiss her. He wanted to do a lot more than kiss her.

What was really driving him crazy-and making his damn trousers painful again-was that he knew she wanted him to try...something. That look on her face when he'd taken her hand in the pub. Wow. Yeah, she wanted something.

But she was scared, too. James could feel it. And he'd promised he wouldn't try anything. They came to the small, broken down shack.

'This is it,' James said, as she picked her way over some rotting plywood and moved toward the door.

'Lovely,' she said dryly. 'Is it this attractive on the inside?'

'No,' he said. 'Want to see?'

'I suppose,' she said, sounding singularly unimpressed. He began to regret his idea to come here. For one thing, this was the place Remus always came to hide out when the full moon came round. James hadn't been lying to Lily when he'd told her Remus had gone to the hospital wing. He had. But by this time tomorrow, Remus would be holed up in the shack with his three best mates, waiting for the inevitable.

James opened the front door and she went in. The wood creaked beneath their feet. He shut the door behind her, and she jumped.

'No ghosts,' he said, grinning. 'No need to be scared.'

'I'm not,' she said unconvincingly. She looked round the dark, dingy room. 'This is...well. This is horrible. Not exactly a romantic place, is it?'

James reddened. Definitely a bad idea to bring her here. He approached her but made no move to touch her.

'It could be,' he said. 'Romantic, I mean.'

'How?' said Lily, her hands on her hips. 'With all this dust and no furniture and no-'

But James cut her off. He'd pulled his wand from his robes and waved it, uttering several incantations. The room began to magically clean itself. A squishy, comfortable looking sofa appeared across from the decrepit fireplace, which was instantly clean and then filled with logs.

James pointed his wand at the fire, and the fire crackled to life.

Lily blushed. The filthy room was now spotless. Still shabby and run down, but spotless.

'Better,' she said. She had her hands in front of her and she was twisting them nervously. He came over to her and took her hands in his. She looked up at him.

'D'you...want to sit down?' he said.

'Okay.' She looked like a frightened rabbit, he thought. As though deciding whether to flee or just freeze in place. He gave her hand the smallest tug and led her to the sofa.

She sat down and primly arranged herself in what James thought was a very old fashioned sort of pose: back straight, ankles crossed, hands folded in her lap. It was adorable.

He sat down next to her, careful to keep a bit of distance between them.

'So,' she said, looking round the room. 'Do you come here often?' James swallowed. The rest of the question, he knew, was 'with girls.'

'No,' he said truthfully. 'Actually I usually come here with, you know, Sirius, Remus, and Peter.'

'Oh,' she said. The fire was giving her skin a golden glow. 'D'you boys come here to snog each other, then?'

'Evans, you scandalous girl,' he teased, still keeping his distance. 'I must say you've changed a bit. Not quite as...proper as you used to be.'

'You mean not quite as uptight,' she said.

'Oh, you're still uptight,' he said, grinning. 'Never met a girl so obsessed with studying and making good marks as you.'

'And I've never met anyone as smart as you who's so very lazy,' she countered.

'An underhanded compliment. Thanks,' he said. 'But you have to admit, I have been taking my studies more seriously this year. I've even been to the library a few times.'

'Well, it's about time,' she said, smiling. 'Seeing as it's your last year in school.'

He chuckled, and they fell silent for a moment. Almost unconsciously, almost imperceptibly, he moved closer to her. Just an inch. She didn't move away.

'So what _do_you four terrors do in here?' Lily asked. 'And when do you come here, anyway? I

usually see the four of you during Hogsmeade weekends.'

'We don't normally come here on Hogsmeade weekends,' said James. 'Where's the fun in that? No, we like a little rule-breaking with our adventures.'

'Naturally.'

'We usually come here late at night.'

'Oh,' said Lily. 'And just how do you manage to get outside the front gates of the school?'

'We don't use the gates,' said James. 'There's a secret entrance.'

'Oh, come on,' said Lily, rolling her eyes.

'No, seriously,' said James. He turned his body round and pointed to a far corner of the room. 'See that? That bit of floor that looks different?'

'Yes.'

'That's a trapdoor,' he said. 'There's a secret passage that leads directly back inside the grounds.'

'Really?' said Lily, intrigued. She'd heard rumors of secret passages in and out of Hogwarts, but hadn't really believed them. The idea of secret passages had always seemed like a concept from a bad mystery novel. 'How did you find it?'

'That's a secret,' said James. 'And as for what we do when we get here, that's a secret, too.'

'My, you're just full of secrets, aren't you?' said Lily, arching her eyebrows.

'Well, I like a bit of mystery surrounding me,' said James. 'Makes me more interesting, don't you think?'

'Or conceited,' she said, smirking.

'Ouch,' said James. 'That's not nice, Evans. It's true, but it's not nice.' She bit her lip; she was trying not to laugh.

'Oh, no,' he said, taking the game one step further. 'Don't tell me you're going to smile, now.' She clapped a hand over her mouth.

'Don't do it, Evans,' he said, enjoying this immensely. 'Don't smile because of something I said. Word might get out and then where would you be?'

She laughed. She had a very nice laugh. She had a beautiful smile.

'My god, Evans,' he said, moving another inch closer to her. 'I didn't know you could smile. I

didn't even know you had teeth.'

'Yeah, well,' she said, her laughter subsiding, her face flushing, 'there's rather a lot you don't know about me.'

'I know plenty,' said James.

'Like what?'

'Like you're beautiful,' he said. Another inch closer. 'Like you're smart. Talented. Brave. Like...you smell delicious.' Another inch.

She was sitting so still she looked almost frozen in place. When she spoke, her voice shook.

'That's...sweet,' she said. He moved in closer. He could feel the heat radiating from her. Her breath was on his face. Her lips were wet. She was trembling.

_Careful, Potter._

_Careful, indeed. If I don't kiss her soon I'll burst._

_If you attack her she'll hex you and never speak to her again. Right._

'I know something else,' he said softly. He was very close now. He lifted his hand and caressed the skin of her cheek with his fingers. Such soft skin. She probably felt soft everywhere.

'What?' she said, her voice barely a whisper. She closed her eyes as his fingers danced across her cheek.

'I know,' he said, his mouth inches from hers, 'that you're dying for me to kiss you, only you're too afraid to admit it.'

'No, I'm not-'

But he didn't let her finish. He pressed his lips against hers.

A thousand stars exploded behind his eyes. She inhaled sharply through her nose, but didn't pull away. Her lips were soft. So soft. Sweet Merlin, this was better than he could have ever imagined. His erection swelled as he moved his lips over hers, kissing her gently.

_Slo__w__,_he thought. _Slo__w__._He didn't use his tongue now; he just caressed her lips with his, placed his other hand on her cheek.

He broke the kiss and backed away, his brain reeling. She blinked and stared at him.

He smiled softly, and let his hand move from her cheek to run through her hair. It felt like strands of silk on his fingers.

'That wasn't so bad, was it?' he teased.

'No,' she said slowly. Then she seemed to collect herself a bit. 'What do you call that?'

_Brat._

'A kiss, you silly girl,' he said, grinning.

'I don't think so,' she said. He started to protest, but then she lifted her hands from her lap, placed them on the back of his neck, pulled him to her, and kissed him.

_Really_kissed him. James was completely unprepared for this. Her mouth pressed again his, hot and pliant, and he felt a surge press him in his trousers as she opened her mouth and swept her tongue along his lower lip.

He moaned and began to kiss her back, meeting her tongue with his, tangling his hands in her hair. Her glorious hair. She tasted of butterbeer and strawberries. It was slow and deep and so erotic James thought he might swoon. He knew she was passionate, underneath that frosty exterior. But where had she learned to kiss like _thi__s_? He couldn't think. He had to think. She wasn't supposed to be leading things, he was.

He pulled away.

'What?' Lily asked, sounding almost fearful.

'Nothing,' he said quickly, trying to calm his breathing down. 'You just...surprised me, is all. I just...' His voice trailed off. Her hair was already tangled from his fingers. Her lips were red from kissing him. Her eyes were glazed. Her face was flushed.

'Lily,' he heard himself say, and he kissed her again, forgetting about everything except the press of her hot mouth and her soft tongue against his. They kissed like this for several minutes; slow, hot, deep kisses that left him breathless and aching inside his trousers.

Her hands tangled in his hair and he felt his mouth move from hers over her face, along her jaw, to her neck. Her sweet, sweet neck. He ran his tongue lightly over the tender skin; she gasped and gave a soft little moan. He bit her lightly and she gasped again. Dear god, he was so aroused he thought he might die right there.

_Slo__w__,__slo__w__,__slo__w__,_he thought. _She__likes__it__now__but__if__you__rush,__you'll__sca__r__e__he__r__._

His hands began to travel, around the back of her neck, along her shoulder blades, down her back, over her robes. Damn school robes. Could he...did he dare?

He kissed her lips again, slowly, and moved his hands to the clasps of her robes. He felt her stiffen against him and wondered for a split second if he should try it, but when she didn't push his hands away, he opened the clasp of her robes and gently pulled them off her.

_It__'__s__oka__y__,_the voice in his head said. _It__'__s__just__her__r__obes.__She__'__s__still__fully__clothed.__She__won__'__t__f__r__eak__out._

He kissed her again, wishing he could shrug off his trousers and just give his raging erection a little breathing room, but knowing he couldn't. Then, she was working at the clasp of his robes.

_Oh,__bo__y__,_he thought, as she pulled them slowly off his shoulders. _Passionate,__indeed,__this__one._

Passionate and so delicious he wanted to eat her up right there.

Instead he kissed her, willing himself to stay in control. She seemed to have other ideas.

She began to kiss his neck, nibble on his ear, and her hands wandered, over his shoulders, down his back, back up his front and over his chest. She moved closer to him and put her arms round him again, and this time she pulled at his shirt, pulled it from the inside of his trousers, and let her hands move beneath the shirt and jumper he wore.

He closed his eyes and bit his lip as her fingers made icy-hot trails up and down his spine.

_Slow__down,_he thought, but she was pulling him down on top of her, leaning back onto the sofa, and he felt himself lower his weight onto her. She shifted beneath him and he felt himself sink between her legs.

_Dear__god._His pelvis pressed against hers and instinctively he ground his erection against her. She moaned and pulled him close, kissing him passionately.

His brain was on fire. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He thought he'd be lucky to get one or two kisses out of the date. Instead she was going at him like a wildcat. Like she wanted him to...He knew he should stop.

He couldn't stop.

His hands wandered again, over her shoulders, finding her breast, kneading it gently through the heavy jumper and blouse she wore. She sighed against his mouth and her hands went beneath his shirt again. His hands tugged at the jumper she wore and pulled it over her head. He paused long enough to drop the jumper on the floor, then sank onto her again, kissing her harder, faster. His hands moved over her, sliding beneath the blouse, capturing her breasts.

'James,' she whispered, her breath hot in his ear. His hands stroked her breasts through the thin lace of her bra, his thumbs brushing the tips. She arched her back against him and moaned. He kissed

her again, and his left hand moved from her breast over her hip, down her thigh, then back up. He gasped when he felt her grip his wrist and move his hand between her legs.

_No,_he thought. He shouldn't do that. But even as he thought this, his hand caressed her over her jeans. Her back arched again, her hips moved. He stroked her harder. She cried out.

Okay, to say she was passionate is an understatement, James thought, stroking her over her jeans. Her hips moved against his hand and he wished he could find some spell to make her jeans and knickers disappear so that he could touch her properly, so his fingers could find that sweet, sweet place that by now must be so very wet...

'Wait.'

'What?' he said quickly, panting and pulling his hand away and rolling off her.

'I...I'm sorry,' she said, 'I just...it's...'

'Too fast,' said James, breathing heavily. 'Right.' He sat up, shifting uncomfortably in his trousers. He was alternately disappointed and relieved that she'd called a halt to things. He wanted her so badly. But he couldn't have her. Not yet.

She sat up, smoothing her tangled hair. She was very flushed, and she was clearly trying to calm her breathing down.

'Well,' she said awkwardly. 'Er...I...good heavens. Perhaps we should get back to the school now.'

'Right,' he said. His trousers were killing him. Oh, to be stuck with an organ that had a mind of its own! The damn thing was so swollen he felt like he'd been hit with an Engorgement Charm.

'Are you okay, James?'

'Fine,' he lied. 'Just fine.' He stood up and turned away from her quickly, hiding the evidence of his still painful arousal, and pulled on his robes. He forced his mind away from where his hands had

just been on her body and thought instead of Snivellus, naked and covered in chocolate.

'Ew,' he said aloud, as his erection deflated.

'What?'

'Nothing,' he said quickly, pulling his robes over his head. 'Er, shall we go?' He offered her his arm again.

She giggled and bit her lip.

_Don__'__t__do__that,__you__minx,_he thought. _Do__you__have__to__be__so__bloody__ir__r__esistible?_

She took his arm and they left the shack; James Vanished the sofa (Remus would just tear it apart, anyway) but otherwise left the room as it was, clean and dust-free.

They walked back toward the center of Hogsmeade, arm in arm. They didn't talk. James couldn't talk; his brain was still scrambled by what had just happened. He had snogged Lily Evans. A lot. He'd touched her. A lot. Okay, mostly over her clothes. But still. A very silly but unavoidable grin crossed his face.

'What?' she asked.

'Nothing,' he lied, still grinning.

She rolled her eyes. 'You know, Potter, you're a miserable liar.'

**Chapter Five: Girl Talk and Frustrations**

Lily stared into the mirror above her dresser, her face a mask of despair. Tears were shimmering behind her eyes.

'I'm a slag,' she said out loud, and tears began to spill down her cheeks. She stood there for several minutes, crying silently, her mind in a tailspin.

What had she done?

_You went out with James Potter._

_You did a lot more than that, you little tart! And you liked it. You let him touch your breasts. You put his hand between your legs. You liked it._

_Yes! Okay! I did! And I did like it! Scrubber. Tart. Slut._

Lily felt a sob wrench from her throat and she flung herself on her bed, her mind still replaying the day's events.

Things had been fine until the moment he'd kissed her in the Shrieking Shack. It was his fault, really. Hadn't he promised not to try anything? Well, he kissed her. Wasn't _that_trying something?

But she was the one who had taken things further. She had kissed him with her open mouth and her tongue; she had pulled him down on top of her.

_I wouldn't have done any of that if he hadn't kissed me!_

Lily felt wretched. She _had_liked what had happened with James in the Shrieking Shack. She had liked every minute of it. But beyond that, she liked _him._

The knowledge that she had grown to like James ate at her as much as what she had allowed-what she had _caused_-to happen in that small room on that sofa. Because she knew he wouldn't care about her the way she did.

She felt sick to think of what he must be doing now. Bragging to his friends, no doubt, about how he'd felt her up, about how she'd pulled him between her legs, got him to touch her there.

Lily turned over onto her back, wiping at her eyes. She still didn't know how she'd managed to get through the end of the date. She felt a fresh wave of tears coming on when suddenly a firm knock on her door broke into her thoughts.

She wiped her eyes again and said, 'Who is it?'

'It's us!' Clarissa and Marianne.

_No doubt just dying to hear how things had gone._

Lily groaned inwardly. She didn't want to face them now, not with their questions, but she knew they wouldn't leave her alone until she'd spilled everything to them.

Reluctantly she got up from the bed and opened the door. Clarissa and Marianne burst into the room, both fit to be tied.

'So?' Clarissa asked breathlessly, throwing herself into Lily's desk chair. 'What happened?'

'Where'd he take you?' Marianne asked, sitting on the bed. 'Did you kiss?'

'Is he a good kisser?'

'Did you touch his bum?'

The questions came rapid-fire and ceased just as abruptly when Marianne and Clarissa seemed to realize that Lily not only wasn't answering, but was looking very resolutely at the floor.

'Lil?' said Clarissa. 'What's wrong?'

It was too much. Lily felt another sob tear from her throat, and she burst into tears.

'Lily!' said Marianne.

'What happened?' said Clarissa, standing up from the chair and crossing to her. She put her arm round Lily. 'Sit down.'

Marianne made room on the bed; Lily allowed Clarissa to sit her down in the center of the bed, and

Clarissa took a seat to Lily's right.

'What's going on?' said Marianne, her voice now sharp. 'Did James do something?'

'Was he rude to you?' said Clarissa, taking up the theme of righteous indignation.

'He didn't try to-' Marianne began.

'If he did I swear I'll shrink his private parts down to microscopic proportions,' Clarissa growled.

'Tell us, Lily,' said Marianne, her voice soothing again. 'What happened?' Lily sniffed and fought to speak.

'It was...lovely,' she choked, then lost it again, sinking against Clarissa's shoulder. Marianne and Clarissa exchanged looks.

'If it was lovely, Lily,' said Clarissa slowly, 'then whatever is the matter?' Another wracking sob, and then Lily burst out, 'I'm a _who__r__e_!'

'What?' said Clarissa and Marianne together.

'I'm a...a whore,' Lily repeated, lifting herself from Clarissa's shoulder.

'You-you didn't-you and James-' Marianne began.

'No!' said Lily indignantly.

'Then how can you be a whore?' said Clarissa, her tone changing to that of a scolding parent.

'Because-because-' Lily said haltingly, 'I let him-I let him-do things.'

'What sort of things?' Marianne asked, no longer even pretending to be concerned, but sounding ridiculously eager. Lily was too caught up in her own messy emotions to notice.

'Under my-shirt,' she sobbed. 'And-and-over my jeans.'

'Is that all?' said Clarissa, rolling her eyes.

'What do you mean is that all?' said Lily, horrified, her anger helping her to find her voice at last. 'It was our first date! I let him do that stuff on our first date! No, I didn't just let him do those things, I encouraged it!'

'Go, Lily,' said Marianne, in obvious admiration.

'Shut up!' said Lily, more tears forming on her eyelashes.

'Did you like it?' asked Clarissa.

'What?' Lily was shocked. Why weren't her two best friends comforting her? Instead they were grilling her, asking her embarrassing questions.

'Did you like it?' Clarissa repeated slowly, as though talking to a very stupid person. Lily bit her lip and looked down, then looked up at both her friends.

'Yes,' she mumbled. More tears.

'Then what's the problem?' said Marianne. 'He wasn't rude to you afterward, was he?'

'No,' said Lily miserably. 'He was...lovely. Charming. He-he held my hand and said he had a wonderful t-time and that he w-wanted to see me again. He-he asked me out again. He dropped me off here and-and kissed me goodbye. It was...lovely.'

'What did you say?' Clarissa asked.

'I said yes,' said Lily, still bawling.

Clarissa and Marianne exchanged another look.

'I still don't see what the problem is,' said Marianne, her voice sounding a bit softer.

'I l-like him,' Lily said sadly. 'A lot.'

'So?' said Clarissa.

'I don't want to like him!' said Lily desperately. 'You know what he's like! He's almost as bad as

Sirius Black!'

'Nobody's as bad as Sirius Black,' said Marianne dryly.

'Come on, Lily,' said Clarissa. 'There's nothing wrong with liking James Potter.'

'But what if he's just using me?' said Lily sadly. 'You know, to prove something to his friends or- or whatever?'

'You think a bloke who's chased after you for two years only did it to get into your knickers?' said

Marianne incredulously. 'No offense, Lil, but if James only wanted you for that he would have given up ages ago.'

'Oh, thanks,' said Lily sarcastically.

'What Marianne means,' said Clarissa, 'is that it's pretty obvious James likes you. Okay, so he's been around a few times-'

'Emphasis on few,' said Marianne firmly. 'Believe me, whatever his reputation James hasn't dipped his wick in _that_many girls.'

'That's just the image I was hoping for, thanks,' said Lily bitterly.

'_Anywa__y_,' said Clarissa, throwing Marianna a nasty look, 'James likes you, okay? A lot. He asked you out again, didn't he?'

'Well, yes,' said Lily. 'But what if he-'

'If he talks to Sirius and Remus about this there's nothing you can do,' said Marianne. 'And besides, you're telling us about it.'

'That's different,' said Lily stubbornly.

'No, it's not,' said Clarissa. 'Now, if James goes around bragging to the school about what happened, then we'll know he's an insensitive prat who deserves to have his privates shrunk down to microscopic proportions. But just telling his two closest mates doesn't mean anything.'

'Wonderful,' said Lily. 'So I'm stuck in limbo waiting to see if James spills it to the school, and if he does, I still get humiliated.'

'If he did that, the humiliations he would suffer at our hands would make yours look like a bloody picnic, Lil,' said Marianne fiercely, taking Lily's hand and squeezing it. 'I mean it.'

Lily looked at her two friends and smiled a watery smile.

'Thanks,' she said, sniffing. 'I just-I've never let a boy do that to me. I mean, so-so soon.'

'Lily, you have got to get out of this Victorian mindset of yours,' said Clarissa. 'Why should boys be the only ones who get to feel randy?'

'And be the only ones to do something about it?' added Marianne. 'There's nothing wrong with what you did with James. If you'd gone ahead and shagged, there wouldn't be anything wrong with it. A girl deserves to get off just as much as any bloke.'

'Marianne!' But Lily's voice lacked conviction, and she laughed nervously.

'What?' said Marianne. 'I'm right and you know it. A boy can shag on the first date and he's a stallion, but if a girl does, she's a tart? I don't cotton to that mindset at all, and neither should you. It's nobody's damn business who shags whom. All that counts is that the girl takes a few precautions, that's all.'

'So you think I should just let James give me a good rogering and get it over with?' Lily asked.

'No,' said Clarissa. 'We just mean that if you want to have sex with him, you shouldn't feel guilty or weird about doing it. I mean, you shouldn't have sex before you're ready—'

'But when you _a__r__e_ready, don't feel guilty about wanting to do it,' Marianne finished.

'I-I just-' Lily's voice broke off. However much she wanted to believe her two friends' more casual philosophy about sex-and indeed, it was a perfectly logical philosophy-she herself had always believed that whoever she first made love with would be someone she was _in_love with. That she was saving herself for that person. She forced herself to continue, grateful at least that she'd stopped crying.

'I just want to be sure,' she said. 'Of James. That's all.'

'Fair enough,' said Marianne. 'But, Lil, just please promise us you'll stop feeling weird about doing things, okay? It feels good, so what? You're not a whore, for heaven's sake!'

'No way,' said Clarissa. 'Not even close.'

Lily smiled gratefully at her two friends and hugged them both.

'Thanks,' she said, tears pricking her eyes again.

'So, how was it?' said Marianne, grinning. 'Was he good?'

'Marianne!' Lily swatted her with a pillow.

James blinked and stared at the small clock on his nightstand. Two o'clock in the morning.

He couldn't sleep. He'd been tossing and turning for two hours in a vain attempt to enter the Land of Nod. It was no good. His mind was too cluttered.

Tomorrow night he'd make the usual monthly journey to the Shrieking Shack, to hide out with Moony, Padfoot and Wormtail. James always felt a bit nervous the night before the full moon, but that could not account for his utter inability to go to sleep.

No, at the forefront of James's mind was Lily. Their date. He'd left the Shrieking Shack in a kind of post-snogging daze, dizzy with the knowledge of being with her. But things changed once they said goodbye outside the Head Girl quarters.

Upon returning to the castle he'd dropped Lily off at her room. She'd been very quiet on the walk back, and had smiled at him shyly on and off as they'd strolled. But he sensed something very different in her when he'd kissed her-very chastely-good bye. He'd asked her out again, and she agreed readily, which ought to have delighted him, but something in the way she behaved those last ten minutes of their date gave him pause.

_She__feels__guilt__y__,_he thought. _About__what__happened._

There could be no other explanation. James knew enough about Lily to know that a first date with her ended with, at best, the kind of innocent kiss he himself had given her just outside the door to her room. But their date had ended with him lying on top of her, between her legs, stroking her over

her jeans and fondling her beneath her blouse. If she hadn't stopped him, he would have gone further. The thought made him feel sick.

He felt the stirring in his pyjama pants and groaned. Not only with annoyance-he'd had to fight down an erection all evening-but with guilt, too. He shouldn't have let things progress so far. Even if she had instigated it, he was the one with experience. He was the one who knew how easy it could be to become overwhelmed by just how good sexual things felt.

She was an innocent. He knew she'd liked what they done while they were doing it. But just as certain, he knew she had almost certainly gone back to her room and brooded about what it meant to have taken things as far as they went on their very first date. She had been brought up with the old-fashioned belief that 'good girls' don't do certain things on a first date, and don't do some things ever, unless they are married or at the very least deeply in love with the bloke in question, and vice versa.

It was maddening, to know that this girl he'd been chasing for so long could feel so passionately, could want so deeply, but was afraid to give in to it. It was maddening, moreover, because the part of him that a year ago would have gone to any length to cajole, to seduce, to convince her to give in to him, was now being drowned out by that most horrible of things: his conscience.

He groaned and rolled onto his side.

He would have to be careful with her. No more letting her take the lead. He would simply have to exercise caution and control. Her very innocence was what made her vulnerable; she didn't know how to deal with sexual feelings. She only knew that they made her feel good and guilty at the same time. If James didn't take the lead in this, she'd only wind up doing something she'd regret, and James knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if she regretted being with him. If she felt guilty for giving herself to him.

Did he love her? He wanted her. He liked her. He'd worshipped her from afar for ages. But love her? He wasn't even sure he knew what that meant. But something was making him feel guilty for having taken things so far with her. Something was making him determined not to push her, to hurt her. That something was a thing he'd never felt before.

He turned on his side and at last, felt sleep steal over him. His last conscious thought before he drifted off to sleep was of long, dark red hair, billowing over his hands.

A week later James, Sirius and Remus sat in the empty common room half- heartedly working on their Charms homework. Professor Flitwick's cheerful personality and manner was little comfort to the seventh years, on whom he had piled not only scads of homework assignments, but several mandatory study sessions as well. The other teachers were no better; after James finished his homework, he still had Transfiguration, Potions and Ancient Runes to contend with. He was grateful that the other students were in the library or in their dormitories.

'N.E. are months away,' Sirius grumbled. 'This homework load is completely unfair.'

'It does seem like they're culling from the proverbial herd,' said Remus thoughtfully, his eyes fixed on a particularly difficult homework question. 'Weeding out the weak ones and seeing who can handle the advanced classes.'

'Where's Wormtail, anyway?' said Sirius, glancing round the empty common room .

'Library, probably,' said James, crossing out an answer on his Charms parchment in annoyance.

'He's been a bit weird this year, I think.'

'Wormtail's always been a bit weird,' said Sirius.

'No, I just mean he's not hanging around us quite so much anymore,' said James.

'So?' said Sirius nonchalantly. 'If you ask me, it's a relief. Peter's a nice enough bloke but-well, you know.'

James and Remus both nodded. They knew. Peter had always been a bit outside them, like a follower. They had accepted him because he was friendly and smart and kept their secrets, but James knew deep down that he could just as well do without having Peter Pettigrew as a best mate. In any case, he certainly hadn't related the events of his date with Lily to Peter; only Sirius and Remus were privy to that information.

Sirius, of course, had clapped James on the back.

'Well done, mate,' he'd said jovially. 'You'll have her in the sack within a week.'

'Piss off,' James had retorted angrily. 'Has it occurred to you that I might not want to rush things with her? That I might see her as a bit more than just a piece of arse?'

'Easy, mate,' said Sirius. 'You're the one that's been boring us for two years on all the ways you want to do Lily Evans.'

'Yeah, well, I was an idiot and a fucking prat, okay!' James shouted. 'Unlike some people I

managed to grow up a bit about girls. Lily's a person, she's got feelings, hasn't she?' Sirius said nothing, only looked rather shocked at James's outburst.

It was Remus who had spoken next. 'Congratulations, Prongs. You _have_grown up.'

'Bugger off,' James had snapped, and stalked away in a fury, wishing he'd not said a word to either one of them, and grateful that they'd let a week go by without so much as a mention of Lily.

As for Lily herself, she had become downright shy round him. It was understandable, but James felt a pang from it nonetheless. She'd made every excuse not to be alone with him (apart from their nightly patrols, in which she said as little as possible); he realized that she was deliberately keeping her distance until their next date.

And what about their next date? James wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to take her on a picnic somewhere on the grounds, away from everyone, but he wasn't sure she'd agree to it, not with the way she'd been acting all week. He hated feeling uncertain about things; never before with a girl did he not know where he stood. Part of him resented the effect Lily was having on him.

He shook his head and forced himself to concentrate on homework. He finished his Charms assignment and moved on to Ancient Runes; it was nearly eleven when James realized he had rounds that night with Lily. He closed his Ancient Runes book and started to get up when the portrait hole opened.

Marianne Bennett, Clarissa Strobridge and Lily all clambered through and came to an abrupt halt when they saw James, Sirius and Remus studying.

'Hello, ladies,' Sirius said, flashing them a smile. Lily rolled her eyes, but Clarissa and Marianne both giggled. James glanced at Remus to see him suppressing a smile from behind his Arithmancy book.

'Hi, Lily,' said James, feeling suddenly nervous. She looked beautiful, and she glanced at him shyly.

'Rounds,' she said simply. Clarissa and Marianne were still giggling; Lily swatted Marianne, who bit her lip and stopped giggling; (and) she and Clarissa nodded to the boys and trooped up the spiral staircase to the girls dormitory.

'Right,' said James, and he gathered up his books. 'Mind if I drop these off in my room?'

Lily shook her head; she was even more shy in the presence of Sirius and Remus, who were both stealing looks at her from behind their homework.

James met Lily at the portrait hole; he climbed through, then walked toward the Head Boy quarters.

'So,' said James awkwardly. 'How have you been?'

'Oh,' said Lily. 'Er, fine, thank you.'

An awkward, heavy silence descended. James felt ridiculous. Perhaps he should just fall back on teasing her like he usually did, but his tongue felt thick, as though too swollen for him to talk. They were silent until they reached his room; he muttered the password under his breath, entered, and carelessly tossed his books onto his desk chair. He turned and was surprised to see that Lily had entered.

'So,' she said, glancing round at the room. 'This is your room.'

'Yeah,' said James. His eyes wandered from her to the bed and he immediately felt a rush of blood to his groin. _Dammit!__Best__not__to__look__at__the__bed,_he thought.

Except that the room was so small and the bed so very large that it dominated the space. Looking at

Lily didn't help; she looked very lovely in the dim lantern light.

'It's nice,' she said.

'Shall we go?' he said, his voice a bit strangled as he shifted beneath his robes.

_S__tupid,__stupid,_stupid _e__r__ections!__What__the__fuck__is__w__r__ong__with__me?__I'm__not__thirteen,__dammit!_

He started to walk, trying not to wince as his trousers pinched at him.

'James,' said Lily, as he started past her. She put a hand on his arm. James closed his eyes. She hadn't touched him at all since their date. He wished she hadn't touched him now. His bed was right there, mocking him.

'Wh-what?' he asked.

'About-about our date,' she said slowly, still touching his arm.

'You want to cancel?' he blurted out.

'No!' she said quickly. 'I meant, about-our first date.'

'Oh, right,' said James, feeling inordinately relieved even as he wished he could run from the room, get away from her burning touch on his flesh.

'I...er...' said Lily, and she blushed crimson. 'Well. I had a nice time, you see. But I fear...I think I was a bit...forward and-and I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I mean, I never do that on the first date and- and I just want you to know that...I l-like you but I don't want you to think I'm-I'm some sort of-'

'I understand,' James said quickly. 'And I don't think you're some sort of anything.'

'Really?' she asked.

'Well,' he said. 'I do think...you're wonderful. And...I had a great time with you. The best.' She blushed again.

James laughed nervously; she had drawn a bit closer to him.

They were alone in his room with the door closed. Wait a minute? When had he closed the door? Had _she_closed the door? She smelled of her namesake: of lilies. His bed was two feet away, looking huge and plush and so inviting. He had to get out of there.

'I just,' she said slowly, 'don't normally do those things.'

'What things?' he asked. _Y__ou__did_not _just__ask__her__that,__you__stupid,__horny__git.__Why__a__r__en__'__t__you__patting__her__on__the__head,__telling__her__it__'__s__fine,__and__let__'__s__go__because__you'__r__e__late__for__r__ounds?__Why__the_hell _a__r__e__you__just__standing__the__r__e__and__letting__her__get__close__to__you?__A__s__king__her__to__tell__you__about__those__naughty__things__you__did__to__her?_

_The bed is calling you. Can you hear it? It's saying, James, come over here. Come over here with this luscious girl with her red hair and creamy skin and throw her down on it-_

'You know,' Lily said shyly. 'Er, letting you-well. Touch me.'

_Ow, ow, OW! My pants are killing me. I'm going to pass out._

'Did you like it?' he asked, very close to her now.

_WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, POTTER? What the hell are you saying? Get out! Go do your rounds! School duties!_

_Oh, James! I'm right over here! Shut up, you goddamn bed!_

'Y-yes,' she whispered. 'Did you?'

_Oh. My. God. What did she just say? Did she just ask me-_

'Yeah,' he said huskily.

_Oh, you'd better believe I loved it, pretty girl._

'That's good,' she said, her breathing getting shallow. 'I mean, I'm glad. Well. I mean, I think...we should just go slow and all.'

'Absolutely,' said James. 'Slow. I can do that. No problem.'

_I'm lying through my teeth. I'm dying._

'Er, shall we do rounds?' she asked.

_Y__es,__yes,_yes_,__let__'__s__do__r__ounds_right now_._

'Sounds great,' said James, his voice squeaky and high. She smiled softly, opened the door to his room and walked out. James took the split second her back was to him to manually shift himself to a more comfortable position, then followed her out, letting out an audible sigh of relief. They were out of the danger zone and into the corridors.

'Are you all right, James?' said Lily, her soft voice echoing down the corridor.

'Oh, fine,' said James in a tight voice. He swallowed, took a deep breath and calmed himself as he joined her in their patrol.

But even as they passed the time in a companionable silence, James began to fret.

A week earlier, he'd made the decision not to let things get out of hand too fast. It was his responsibility, he'd decided, because even though she had been the one to put on the brakes in the Shrieking Shack, he wasn't sure she would down the road. Her lack of experience meant that she could lose control of herself more easily than he would lose control of himself.

Or so he thought. But tonight, after spending a torturous few minutes alone with her in his bedroom, he had to wonder about himself. He'd barely escaped attacking her. Another minute and he would have. He told himself that he never would have done anything to hurt her, and it was true, but all the same, the near total loss of control he'd experienced just standing close to her frightened him. How on earth was he going to handle being alone with her on their next date?

Maybe he should ask Sirius to ask a girl out and join him and Lily. A double date would be much less likely to lead to a dangerous situation. But James immediately scratched that idea. Knowing him, Sirius would almost certainly leave with his date to go and shag her somewhere, leaving James and Lily alone anyway, and with the knowledge that Sirius was, well, shagging his date.

Remus was no good, either. He'd been spending nearly every spare minute he had studying, doing his prefect duties, and otherwise preparing for the N.E. which were months away.

Peter, of course, was out of the question.

Which meant James would have to go on the date with Lily alone.

Which meant he'd have to deal with his nearly overwhelming sexual urges every time she came within two feet of him.

He decided the picnic on the grounds was the only idea that would work, only instead of deliberately leading her away from everyone, he'd choose a slightly more public place. That would keep him in line. Under the beech tree by the lake. Perfect. He only hoped the weather held out.

They completed their rounds at just past midnight; James offered to walk Lily back to her room, and she readily agreed. They came to her door. She smiled at him, turned away to mumble the

password, then opened the door. He smiled weakly and kissed her quickly on the cheek.

'Well, g'night,' he said, turning to leave.

'Wait,' she said.

_Uh oh._

'Don't you want to come in?' she asked.

_Shit,__shit,_shit_._

'Er-'

'You showed me yours,' she said, smiling up at him with those innocent green eyes. 'I'll show you mine.'

_She__did_not _just__say__that._

James burst out laughing. A nervous, hysterical kind of laugh. She looked at him in confusion for a moment, then blushed to the roots of her hair.

'Oh, dear,' she said, biting her lip. 'I can't believe I just said that.'

'Good one, Evans,' he said, trying for his more normal, jocular, teasing tone and instead sounding as though he were being half-strangled. 'I think I'm rubbing off on you.'

_ARRRGGGH! Bad choice of words, Potter!_

She giggled.

'Damn,' he said, blushing now. 'Er, well, I guess we're even, then, with the double entendres.'

'Right,' she said, giggling. 'So, do you want to come in?'

'Er...' he said uncertainly. _Ca__r__eful,__Potte__r__.__If__you__say__no__you'd__better__do__it__in__a__way__so__as__not__to__o__f__fend__he__r__._

'James?'

'Well,' he said slowly. 'I don't think that's such a good idea.'

'Oh,' she said, looking embarrassed.

'It's not you!' he said quickly, taking her hand. 'I just...well, er...you see, me and you in a room alone with a big bed in it doesn't really, erm, sound like a good idea, if you know what I mean.'

'Oh,' she said again, comprehending. The barest hint of a smile crossed her lips. 'So you're saying you...can't control yourself around me?'

_Oh,__you__unbelievable_brat.

'Not really, no,' said James truthfully, taking a step toward her but careful not to cross the threshold into her room.

'Well, I suppose we should just say good night, then,' she said, and she leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips. 'G'night.'

She started to back into her room but James caught her round the shoulders and pulled her to him.

'You little tease,' he murmured, before kissing her slowly, opening his mouth and probing her with his tongue. She whimpered against him and kissed him back, and they snogged for a good few minutes before he broke away; she clung to him limply and he was extremely satisfied to notice that she was so breathless that, had he let her go, she might have gone into a swoon. Of course, by now his erection was so huge that he was considering performing an Enlarging Spell on all his trousers, just to take some of the pressure off.

He looked down at her. She swayed just a little on her feet and James felt a rush of triumph. If she could tease him, he'd tease her right back.

'Sleep well, Evans,' he said in a low voice, and he leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss on her neck, letting his tongue make a slow trail to her earlobe, where he nibbled her there for just a moment. She shivered against him. He let her go and she leaned heavily against her door, a sexy, languid smile on her lips.

'You're evil,' she said, without malice, as she backed into her room and shut the door.

The momentary sense of triumph he felt evaporated as he felt his trousers squeeze him painfully. He walked hurriedly to his room, tugging himself again into a more comfortable position. He muttered the password to his door and shoved his way inside, yanking off his robes and stripping off his trousers. The relief was instantaneous.

He flopped onto the bed, his mind in an uproar. How was he supposed to maintain control of himself when she tempted him like that? It was driving him mad. He'd never been this consumed with lust since, well, ever.

_It__'__s__not__just__lust,__that__'__s__wh__y__,_he thought. He liked her, a lot. He liked being around her. And he wanted to get to know her better, as a person, but it was damn difficult when she looked so delectable all the time.

He pulled off his jumper and lay back down on the bed. It was hot in his room. His erection wouldn't calm down. He shouldn't have kissed her like that. Somehow the idea that he might have left her a bit frustrated didn't really make up for the fact that he'd only served to get himself completely heated up.

His erection throbbed again and he groaned out loud. There was only one thing to do about it. His

hand snaked beneath his boxers and began to stroke. He thought of Lily Evans the whole time.

**Chapter Six: The Horny Problem**

Lily pulled on her nightshirt and climbed into bed. She was in a bit of a daze. She'd managed to wash her face, brush her teeth and run a comb through her hair, but these nightly tasks were all done by rote. Her brain was humming and her skin was tingling from the kisses James had just given her.

She was relieved, in fact, that he'd refused to come into her room. It was a ridiculous thing for her to have offered, really. After insisting she 'wasn't that kind of girl' and then turning round and inviting him into her bedroom in the middle of the night? She felt a slight sting of rejection that he'd refused, but on the whole, she knew it was for the best. She couldn't help but appreciate that James was honoring her request to take things slow, even if she herself seemed almost incapable of doing so.

She sank deeply into her pillows and closed her eyes, allowing her mind to drift and sleep to pull her into its embrace. Every corner of her mind was filled with James Potter.

The following weekend was Lily's second date with James. She was nervous. She didn't know what he had planned-only that some part of it would take place outside-but a part of her hoped it didn't involved returning to the Shrieking Shack, or any other warm place with a cozy sofa that would invite anything beyond snogging.

She dressed carefully; it had turned rather cold now and she layered herself first in her thermal underwear, which she pulled on over her knickers and bra. Then a long-sleeved T-shirt bearing the legend The Beatles on it. Then her thickest, coziest wool jumper, that looked more like a fisherman's sweater than anything else. On top of this she pulled her school robes and her cloak. She checked her hair, which she'd pulled back in a simple headband, then smeared a bit of lip balm on her lips. She was ready.

The knock on the door caused her to jump. She took a deep breath and opened the door, to find James standing there, wearing his own robes and cloak and a heavy maroon jumper beneath. His glasses were just slightly crooked on his nose. His hair was a mess. His hazel eyes flashed and he had on his face a rather jaunty grin. He was carrying a massive picnic basket in his hands.

'Hiya, Evans,' he said. 'Ready to brave the elements?'

'A picnic?' she said, a bit doubtfully, as she exited her room. 'Isn't it a bit cold to be sitting outside for long periods of time?'

'I'll keep you warm,' he said, smiling a bit archly.

'You really are full of yourself, you know,' she said, smiling back at him as she took his proffered arm.

'So you've said a million times,' said James.

'Where are we going for this picnic, anyway?' she asked, as they headed outdoors. Many students were already out there, some playing impromptu games of Quidditch, others studying, huddled under their cloaks.

'Just over there,' he said, pointing to the spot. 'I think you're familiar with it.' She looked at him and rolled her eyes. 'How could I forget that place?'

'It's okay, isn't it?' he asked, suddenly sounding a bit nervous. 'I mean, we can go-'

'It's fine,' she said quickly, thinking that perhaps it was just as well that they were going to picnic in plain view of other students.

He grinned at her and they headed over to the beech tree. The sun was bright and offered a hint of afternoon warmth against the chill in the air. James pulled a blanket from the huge picnic basket and spread it out neatly beneath the tree.

'You come prepared,' Lily observed.

'Of course,' he said. 'The ground is far too cold for your lovely backside.'

'James!' Lily blushed and bit her lip, but she smiled.

'Sorry,' he said, grinning. 'But my eyes do tend to wander sometimes.'

'As long as they're the only things that wander, Potter,' said Lily.

'Yes, ma'am,' said James jovially, and he spread out the food before them. Roast chicken, green beans, roast potatoes, salad and apple tart, along with several bottles of hot butterbeer.

'Where did you get all this?' Lily asked, amazed.

'I have a few connections in the kitchens,' said James, winking. 'A couple of the house-elves help me put this together.'

'You've been into the kitchens?'

'Naturally,' said James easily. 'I've been pretty much everywhere in the castle.'

'Right,' said Lily. 'Part of your infamous rule-breaking. How is it you don't get caught?'

'That, Evans, is another one of my mysterious secrets,' he said, taking a seat next to her. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the mouth. She shivered.

'Cold?' he asked.

'No,' she said. He smiled and turned his attention to the food, and Lily followed suit.

The chilly weather had made her hungry, so she loaded up her plate. James watched her for a moment, then nodded approvingly.

'I love a woman with a good appetite,' he said, grinning.

'I'm not half as bad as you,' she said, noting that he'd filled up two plates for himself.

'True,' he said. 'I am a right pig in most respects. But you knew that.'

'Yes, I knew that,' she said, smiling softly and opening a bottle of butterbeer; she sipped it and felt instantly warmer.

They ate in quiet companionship for a while; then James sprawled out on the blanket, leaning on his side, as he picked lazily at his apple tart and sipped his bottle of butterbeer. He looked up at her and smiled.

'I really was a git, wasn't I?' he said. 'Last year.'

'And the year before that,' said Lily, primly wiping a bit of apple tart crumb from her lips.

'And the year before that,' he agreed. 'I'll never forget that day.'

'What day?'

'The day I tortured Snivellus and you came over and defended him,' he said. 'You were so...angry. You told me...I made you sick.'

'I didn't mean that,' said Lily quickly.

'Yeah, you did,' said James, trying to act nonchalant but not totally succeeding. 'It's okay. I

deserved it. I'm just glad I don't inspire you to feel nauseated anymore.'

Lily looked at him and felt a pang when she saw the look in his eyes. He laughed, but he looked...ashamed.

'Why do you hate him so much?' she asked. 'Snape, I mean.'

'I dunno,' said James, shrugging. 'I mean, in the beginning, you know, I didn't care about him so much. He was a bit weird and all but I didn't pay him much attention. But then he started getting all into Dark Arts and stuff. That just...well, I don't have much use for wizards who get into that. I mean, Slytherins are famous for dabbling, at the very least, but Snivelly...he just seems a bit beyond that, don't you think?'

'I suppose,' said Lily. 'I hadn't really thought about it. He certainly has the right attitude about

Muggle-borns, though. I mean, to be a Slytherin and all.'

'The whole lot of them are a bunch of gits,' said James. 'I'll never understand that attitude. Honestly.'

'It's just prejudice, James,' she said, shrugging. 'Muggles do it all the time. My sister thinks I'm a certifiable freak.'

'Your parents don't-'

'No, my parents are very understanding,' she said, smiling. 'They've always been like that, you know? They don't really care what Petunia and I do with our lives, so long as we live honestly and are happy.'

'Are you happy?' he asked, looking up at her with a serious look in his eyes.

She blinked and looked down at him. It was a simple question. Simple and very loaded. She paused and considered.

'I think so, yes,' she said. 'I mean, I'm definitely happier here than I would have been had I lived as a Muggle. I wasn't all that popular in primary school, really. The other kids thought I was weird. It was a relief to get my Hogwarts letter. I mean, you can imagine, me growing up in a Muggle household and surrounded by Muggles, and here I am, doing all these weird things and not knowing how or why. This one time in school, a bunch of kids were making fun of my hair and...and I accidentally blew one of them up. Well, not really blown up so much as...she sort of inflated, like a balloon. I remember she just got all round and started to float away.'

James laughed. 'Serves her right,' he said, sitting up and coming to sit next to her. Their backs were against the beech tree now. 'What sort of moron makes fun of your hair?'

She felt her heart begin to pound as he lifted her hair in his fingers and let it slip smoothly over them.

'It's the most beautiful hair I've ever seen,' he said softly.

She blushed again; she felt light-headed, almost dizzy. Her heart was hammering, the blood pounding in her ears. His breath smelled of apples.

'You're very charming sometimes,' she said softly. 'I mean, you are this year, anyway.'

'Gee, thanks,' he said sardonically. 'You really know how to compliment a bloke, Evans.'

'Sorry,' she said, biting her lip. 'I just meant-'

'You're right, of course,' said James. 'I was a complete arse. I dunno know why. I guess...because I could be. I'm not really proud of what I did back then, you know, Lily. I mean it. I guess my only excuse is that I thought I was impressing you. Instead I just made you hate me.'

'I don't hate you anymore,' said Lily, smiling.

'Right,' said James, grinning. 'You just dislike me with the intensity of, what was it, nine hundred fifty suns?'

Lily laughed. 'I think you're probably down to about four hundred suns.'

'Really?' he said, moving closer to her. 'That low? What on earth did I do to deserve that honor?' Lily blushed again. 'Um, well...' she said shyly. 'I...I think, er, our first date...when...well...you

know...' She looked down and bit her lip.

'Ah,' said James. 'I see.' He draped an arm round her and moved closer.

'James,' Lily whispered nervously. 'People can see...'

Lily looked round at the grounds, but in fact nobody seemed to be there. She pursed her lips in anxiety as James turned back to her. They were alone. He could put his hands on her all he wanted. And she wanted him to.

_No, you don't. Yes, I do._

'I think we're alone for now,' said James softly. 'Maybe I could...knock off some more suns...' He leaned toward her and kissed her.

She sighed as he opened his mouth and pressed his tongue against hers. Sweet Merlin, he was good at this, at kissing. The way his mouth moved, the way his tongue felt, the way he tasted...The tingling that had started in her hands and feet was now firmly ensconced in that place between her legs.

He kissed her harder, tangling his hands in her hair, then began to slowly devour her neck. She shifted, giving him better access to the skin there, tangling her hands in his messy black hair. Such soft hair.

She felt herself falling slowly backward onto the blanket; she held onto him, taking him with her, wanting to feel him pressed down on her. He kissed her mouth again and settled down onto her, kissing her all over her face. She moved beneath him and again he was settled between her legs.

He groaned and stopped kissing her.

'What?' she asked.

'Lily,' he said, his expression pained. 'I...don't know...if I should...'

Lily shivered. He was trying to control himself; she was trying to control herself. She knew she wouldn't have sex with him now, but she still wanted him on top of her, still wanted to feel his hands on her.

'Keep me warm,' she whispered, sitting up enough to kiss his lips again. He groaned in his throat and kissed her back, lowering her onto the blanket.

_Oh, boy._

He was in it now. So much for his grand plan. The fine autumn day that had initially brought so many students outside had begun to work against him as the temperature outside dropped. Now they were alone, snogging relentlessly on the picnic blanket. So much for playing it safe. Once again

he'd let her pull him down on top of her. One of these days he was going to figure out how to resist that sexy little gesture of hers. But not today.

James didn't feel the cold. He was, in fact, practically suffocating under his robes. Burning up. He was aching inside his trousers. And somewhere in the back of his mind was a tiny voice that warned him against going along with this.

But that voice didn't make much headway while his lips were locked with Lily's, while his hands began to roam over her, trying to find her curves beneath the layers of clothes she had worn.

_Good god, just how many layers does she have on?_

He pushed aside her cloak, her robes, and found the jumper beneath.

'Did you wear everything in your closet today, Evans?' he asked, his breath hot against her mouth.

'Enough to make you work a little hard, I think,' she breathed, smiling.

'You naughty girl,' he whispered, kissing her again. His hands moved over her again, then beneath the jumper, to the t-shirt, which he pulled from the waistband of her jeans, then...what was this?

'You're killing me, Evans,' he said, laughing against her mouth as he tugged at the thermal undershirt she wore. 'Absolutely killing me.'

She giggled as he kissed her hungrily again and his hands found her flesh.

'There you are,' he whispered into her ear. She sighed again and he moved his hands up, finding her breasts and caressing them over her bra, his thumbs brushing across her nipples. She whimpered.

'Should I stop?' he murmured, kissing her slowly. He didn't wait for her to say anything but moved his hands beneath the lace of her bra. She whimpered again.

'Don't...stop,' she breathed in his ear. He rolled off her and pulled her halfway with him, then reached around her back and unsnapped her bra. His hands found her breasts again and teased them mercilessly as he kissed her face, her mouth, her neck.

'James,' she moaned.

James took a breath, trying not to groan in pain from his raging erection. Not even the Enlargement Charm he'd put on his jeans today was helping him much. Then he felt her hands on him, and that didn't help him much, either.

But it felt so very, very good. He groaned as she rubbed at him tentatively with her hands.

'Lily...' He put his lips against her neck, and his hands momentarily forgot her breasts. She rubbed at him harder, and he groaned again.

'Wait...' he panted. 'God...'

She stopped caressing him. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing's wrong,' said James, breathing heavily. 'Believe me, nothing's wrong. Can't you tell?'

'Oh,' said Lily, blushing. 'Well, you look a bit like...like you're in pain.'

'That's because I am in pain,' said James, rolling off her.

'Oh dear,' said Lily pulling her robes round her and rolling onto her side. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's not your fault,' he said, still panting a bit. 'Okay, well, it's a little your fault. I mean, Merlin, Lily. I...this is really difficult.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean,' said James, sitting up, ignoring the pinching of his jeans, 'that I don't want to rush you.'

'You're not,' said Lily. 'Honest.'

'I know, but...' James ran a hand through his hair. 'You drive me mad, Lily, all right? I want you. There. I said it. I want to take off all your clothes and kiss you everywhere and shag you until we both pass out.'

_Oh, great. Good one, Potter._

The moment the words were out of him he wished he had his wand in hand to perform a Memory

Charm on her. As it was, she probably now fully believed he was a pervert.

'Wow,' she said, her eyes wide. 'Er...well. That's...um, I don't really know how to react to that.' She was blushing furiously.

'I'm sorry,' he said quickly. 'I shouldn't have said that. I just...when I kiss you it's...it's the most amazing thing in the world and I think I can handle it. But then, when I touch you, I just...I feel like I'm losing control or something.'

'Me, too,' said Lily, still blushing.

'Have you thought about it?' James asked, taking her hands in his. 'You know. Being with me.' Lily nodded. 'I think about it a lot,' she said. 'I...I want to...but...'

'You're scared,' he said softly, caressing her cheek. She nodded again. 'I don't want to be.'

'I know,' he said. 'But I'm a bit scared, too. I...I've never felt like this, Lily. Honest. I want you but...I want you to be ready. Only I feel like if I touch you, I'll lose myself and go too far.' He sat back, leaning against the tree, and let go of her hands.

'Bloody hell,' he said. 'Maybe I am just a randy bastard.'

'You're not!' said Lily at once. He gave her a look, his eyebrows arching.

'Well, you're not a bastard, anyway,' she said, smiling.

'Brat,' he said, ruffling her hair.

'Perv,' she retorted playfully.

'Look who's talking,' said James. 'That's twice now you've pulled me down on top of you, Evans.'

'You weren't complaining, as I recall,' she said loftily.

'Pretty hard to complain about anything when your tongue is in my mouth, missy,' James said, grinning wickedly.

'Keep going like that and I might never stick my tongue in your mouth again, Potter,' said Lily, sounding a bit bolder. God, she was such a tease! He hated her little games and loved them at the same time. Mostly loved them.

'You wouldn't do that,' said James slowly, moving close to her again. 'How would I manage?'

'You'd survive, I'm sure,' said Lily dryly.

He smiled at her and caressed her hair. 'You are so beautiful,' he said. She blushed and smiled. 'How many other girls have you said that to?'

'At least a dozen,' he said, 'but you're the only one I was being totally sincere with.'

She giggled, then quieted and looked at him long in the eye. The sun was sinking in the horizon, casting a pink/gold glow on her skin, bringing out the copper highlights in her hair.

'How do we...deal with this?' she asked hesitantly.

'Are you referring to our horny problem?' Lily rolled her eyes. 'Of course.'

'Well,' said James thoughtfully, considering. He studied her for a moment. He was at a loss. The only solution that would actually work was for him to stop going on dates with her altogether and just have friendly interactions in the corridors, during classes and at mealtimes. But that was unacceptable. He wanted to be around her. Not just for the fooling around part of things, although

that was certainly a part of it. No, he liked being with her. Just being with her. Talking to her.

'I don't know,' he said finally. 'I want to be around you, Lil. I do. Not just for the physical stuff.'

'I want to be around you, too,' she said. 'Well, ever since I started only disliking you with the intensity of two hundred suns.'

'Two hundred?' he said, grinning. 'Damn, I'm good.'

'Don't go there,' Lily warned, blushing.

'Right,' he said quickly.

'So,' said Lily slowly. 'Perhaps if we just limited ourselves.'

'What, you mean like one kiss a day?' he asked, grinning.

'Something like that,' she said. 'I mean, until we get to know each other better...as people.'

'I think I can handle that,' he said, crossing his fingers and hoping like hell that he could. She shivered again. 'Cold,' she said.

'Yeah, now it is,' he said, winking at her. She rolled her eyes again and laughed, and they gathered up the detritus of their picnic and loaded it into the basket. The sun had set on the horizon and the sky was darkening. James turned away discreetly as Lily reached beneath her many shirts and the jumper she wore to refasten her bra. He tried not to think about what her breasts must look like. He thought about it anyway.

She smiled at him and took his hand; her fingers were freezing and he kissed them gently.

'That doesn't count as a kiss, does it?' he asked, as they started back toward the castle.

'No,' she said, laughing.

'Good.'

They entered the castle and immediately James felt the blood circulate to his feet, which had become rather cold.

'Walk you to your room?' he offered.

'Sure,' she said. He took her hand again in his, carrying the picnic basket in the other hand, and they strolled to her bedroom.

He smiled at her several times, feeling...content. There was no other word to describe it. His erection had calmed down. He had finally come up with a mutually agreeable way to deal with his raging lust for the girl he realized he was coming to care about rather a lot.

They reached her door and she smiled up at him.

'Thanks for the lovely afternoon,' she said.

'Do I get my one kiss now?' he asked, pulling her close. 'I don't think I can wait until bedtime.'

'No rounds tonight, either,' said Lily. 'But won't I see you at dinner?'

'Not with all the homework I have,' he said. 'Unfortunately we seem to have these ridiculous exams this year.'

'Yes, I've heard about those,' said Lily. 'Well, since you're going to be suffering so much later on and since we don't have rounds tonight and since I'm clearly not going to be-'

'Shut up, Evans,' he whispered, and he kissed her. Slowly, slowly, slowly. Pressing his tongue against hers. Savoring it.

She pulled away; he relented. She smiled at him softly.

'Good luck studying,' she said softly.

'I'll need it, after that,' he said, grinning. She was smiling as she closed the door.

'You actually touched it?!' Marianne shrieked.

She, Lily and Clarissa were all in Lily's room a few evenings later, painting their nails.

'No!' said Lily, blushing. 'I mean, I did. Over his jeans.'

'And?' said Clarissa. 'Is he, you know, big?'

'Clarissa!'

'Oh, come on, Lily!' said Marianne. Lily hesitated.

'I don't know,' said Lily. 'I mean, it felt, well, big. But, er, I don't really, I mean, I've never really- you know.'

'Never?' said Clarissa and Marianne together.

'No,' said Lily, feeling very stupid and slightly defensive.

'How did he react?' Clarissa asked.

'I think he liked it,' said Lily, smiling.

'Of course he did,' said Marianne, rolling her eyes. 'Boys always love it when girls pull their handles.'

Lily giggled.

'Did you, you know,' said Clarissa, grinning wickedly as she set down the bottle of nail polish on

Lily's desk, 'get him off?'

'No!' Lily cried, horrified, not even wanting to think about that. Well, not really.

'You left him hanging?' said Marianne, with a hint of disapproval.

'I'd say she left him standing, more like,' said Clarissa, and the two girls burst out laughing.

'You two are dreadful!' said Lily, but she began to laugh as well.

'You've never done that, have you, Lil?' said Marianne, as their laughter subsided. 'Gotten a boy off.'

Lily swallowed and looked down. 'No,' she admitted.

'It's not like it's all that difficult,' said Clarissa casually. 'Just as long as you don't squeeze anything too hard or yank or whatever. Although some blokes like a little squeezing and yanking.'

'I'm not planning on...I mean...' Lily began.

'You'll have to eventually,' said Marianne. 'I mean, unless you don't want James to get brain damage or something.'

'Brain damage?' said Lily, sounding appalled.

'Didn't you know?' said Marianne. 'Yeah. If a bloke can't get rid of a cockstand he eventually gets brain damage.'

'That is the biggest load of shite I've ever heard,' said Clarissa. 'Don't listen to her, Lily. All blokes like to piss and moan about being "in pain" because they're hard up. They'll say anything to get a stroke from a girl. One bloke told me his eyeballs would fall out of his head if I didn't pull on him. It's all a load of rubbish. And even if it weren't, blokes have hands of their own. They can take care of the problem themselves.'

'James has probably been doing quite a lot of caretaking recently,' Marianne said dryly.

'Shut up, Marianne!' said Lily, blushing furiously.

'What?' said Marianne innocently. 'You think Potter hasn't been tossing off? Let me tell you something, Lil. _All_boys toss off. The ones that say they don't are lying about it.'

'Is that true?' said Lily. 'Really?'

'Really,' said Clarissa.

'So,' said Lily slowly, 'if James can "take care of himself" as you say, then...then would I still have to...'

'Eventually,' said Clarissa. 'I mean, if he's going to someday be sticking it in you, you might want to get a good look at it first.'

Lily gave a little shriek and burst out laughing again. 'You're terrible!'

'She's right,' said Marianne sagely. 'But if you ask me, they're really funny looking.'

'You've seen one?' said Lily, intrigued.

'Yep,' said Marianne, a bit proudly.

'And just whose willy have you seen lately?' Clarissa demanded. 'I don't recall hearing about this.' Marianne looked at them both and grinned wickedly. 'Sirius Black's. And I did a lot more than just

look at it.'

Lily and Clarissa screamed.

'No way!' Lily shrieked.

'Sirius Black!' cried Clarissa. 'You little slag. When did you hook up with Sirius Black?'

'A couple of nights ago,' said Marianne, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

'And?' said Clarissa.

'Hung like a bloody horse,' said Marianne. 'Practically dislocated my jaw.'

'Ew!' cried Lily. 'You-you-used your mouth?' She was horrified. And more than a bit intrigued. Of course, Lily had heard about all this. She knew that girls often used their mouths on

boys'…private areas. That supposedly it drove boys mad. But she never imagined herself doing it. It just seemed bizarre. And a bit gross.

'Of course,' said Marianne. 'But not before I got mine. I'll say this much. Black has incredible technique.'

'I'll bet he has,' said Clarissa.

'Technique?' said Lily. 'What do you-'

'That boy has the best tongue on the planet,' said Marianne.

'He used his tongue?' Lily asked, feeling even more appalled. And excited. Of course, she'd heard about this, too. About boys who licked girls. About how it supposedly drove girls mad. But she never imagined letting a boy doing it to her.

_T__alk__about__embarras__s__in__g_.

'Lily, you are such an innocent,' said Clarissa, patting Lily on the shoulder.

'What?' said Lily defensively. 'I've done some stuff.'

'Some stuff,' said Marianne. 'Have you ever had an orgasm?'

'Yes,' said Lily, but then she bit her lip.

'She hasn't,' said Clarissa, looking at Marianne, who nodded sadly.

'I have!' Lily cried.

'I think the question is has a boy ever given you an orgasm?' said Marianne knowingly. Lily blushed and looked down. 'Well, no.'

'Have you ever let a boy try?' asked Marianne.

'No,' said Lily, and now she felt rather wretched. 'I mean, you know, James...over my jeans. And I wanted him to, well, you know. But-but I got scared. I always get scared. It's like it feels too good or something.'

'How can anything feel too good?' said Marianne in disbelief.

'Shut it, Marianne,' said Clarissa. 'Lily, you're scared of losing control, aren't you?'

'I guess,' Lily mumbled.

'What's the worst that could happen?' Clarissa asked. 'Honestly. It's not like you lose brain cells or something just because you come.'

'I know,' said Lily.

'You're not still uptight about trusting James, are you?' said Marianne. 'He hasn't spread anything round about you, you know. I don't even think half the school is aware you two have gone out.'

'I-I think I trust James,' said Lily. 'I mean, he's been a gentleman, really. He says he doesn't want to rush me, and...and he said...well, that he'd never felt about anyone the way he felt about me.'

'Well, there you go,' said Marianne. 'He's being sincere, then, and not just hanging round you for a poke.'

'Marianne,' said Clarissa warningly. 'Look, Lil, I think you're getting yourself all worked up for nothing here. Part of the fun of sex stuff _is_losing control. Honest.'

'I'll second that,' said Marianne fervently. 'After Sirius got through with me I could hardly stand. It was the most brilliant shag...or shags, I should say...I've ever had.'

'You don't worry that Sirius might...have used you?' said Lily.

'Nah,' said Marianne. 'I'm not like you, Lil. You're the last of the good girls. Me, I just like a good rogering and I don't have the patience for all the other stuff. I used him as much as he used me. And of course I take plenty of precautions. But regardless, the point is that sex is supposed to feel good. If it didn't, then nobody would do it.'

'I just don't want to make an idiot of myself,' said Lily. 'I mean, I don't really know what to do. I

know how things work, of course, but-'

'Nobody's born knowing what to do, Lil,' said Clarissa.

'It takes a lot of practice,' said Marianne, nodding.

'That's just part of the fun,' said Clarissa.

Lily nodded, feeling, again, conflicted. It struck her that she'd never felt quite so left out until now. Clarissa and Marianne were both so much more experienced than she, both having lost their virginities late into their fifth years. All last year Lily had enjoyed hearing of their sexual exploits; it wasn't too difficult because even though she herself had had a boyfriend and a few dates here and there, she had never felt any sort of overwhelming urge to have sex herself. Sure, the things she'd done had felt good at the time, but she'd always stopped things.

_Because__you__knew__you__didn__'__t__want__to__be__with__those__blokes,_Lily thought. _And__you__su__r__e__as__hell__DO_

_want to be with James._

Therein was the difference. Now Lily felt foolish and a bit alone, because she wanted a boy very badly, but didn't really know how to do all these physical things. Just when she could benefit most from the advice of her two best friends, she felt more alienated from them than ever.

'I don't know what to do,' she repeated.

'It sounds like you're doing what's right for you,' said Clarissa. 'Taking it slow. Getting to know

James and all.'

'I-I want...I want to know what's it like,' said Lily. 'To have...well, an...an orgasm. From a boy. From James.'

'I'm sure he'd be more than thrilled to oblige you,' said Marianne. Lily giggled. 'Good lord. I feel a...a bit naughty.'

'It's about bloody time you did!' said Clarissa. 'All work and no orgasms make for a very dull girl, Lil!'

'I'm not dull!' said Lily indignantly.

'You won't be after James gets you off, anyway,' said Marianne wickedly.

'Well, you're certainly a sparkling presence ever since Sirius...POKED you!' said Lily, giggling.

'Damn right,' said Marianne.

'Was Black really that good?' said Clarissa.

'Beyond good,' said Marianne. 'Maybe you should give him a go. I'm sure he'd readily agree.'

'Marianne!' Lily shrieked, still giggling.

'I just might,' said Clarissa. 'He's such a randy beast, isn't he? Where did you guys shag, anyway?'

'The Room of Requirement,' said Marianne.

'The Room of what?' Lily asked.

'Requirement,' said Marianne. 'You've not heard of it? It's brilliant. It's this room hidden behind that tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. You know, the one where he's getting beaten up by the trolls? Anyway, it's there but it only appears when you really need it.'

'And you and Sirius obviously really needed it,' said Clarissa dryly.

'Naturally,' said Marianne. 'He couldn't very well go down on me in the corridor, now could he?'

'Marianne!' Lily was giggling so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks.

'You harlot!' Clarissa cried, picking up a small pillow and swatting Marianne with it.

'Ow!' cried Marianne, but she was laughing. She picked up another pillow and smacked Clarissa with it.

And within seconds the three girls were shrieking and giggling and having a very enthusiastic

pillow fight.

Lily lay awake that night, thinking about her conversation with Clarissa and Marianne.

Sirius used his mouth and tongue on Marianne, thought Lily. She wondered what it felt like, having a boy do that. She felt tingles start in her belly and spread all over her body.

She had a good idea how it would feel. Wet, hot, incredible. She thought about James, how fantastic a kisser he was, how delectable his tongue was. How he knew just what to do with it. If he was that skilled kissing her mouth he would probably be no less than amazing if he put his mouth down there...

'Oh,' she murmured, feeling hot tingling between her legs. Could she let James ever do that to her? Did she want him to?

_Of course__you__do_.

Then her mind turned to him. Touching him. Using her mouth on him. She scrunched up her face. She wasn't sure she could do that, use her mouth. She'd never even touched a boy there before. The whole idea of the male organ made her nervous. This extra appendage that swelled up and got hot and hard. Like it had its own mind or something.

Okay, so no mouth on James. Not yet, anyway. But she had hands. She could use her hands.

_Did__you__get__him__off?_Clarissa had asked.

No. Did she want to? She considered. She knew how difficult it was to feel randy and frustrated about it. It had to be at least as difficult for James. No, worse, because he had that organ to deal with. And she was curious to know what it looked like, what it felt like.

She giggled against her pillow, and then groaned, as the tingling between her thighs grew worse. She slid her hand inside her knickers and closed her eyes.

'You've turned into a right tart, Evans,' she muttered out loud, as her fingers began to move.

**Chapter Seven: The Encounter in the Library**

The weeks passed quickly for James, thanks in no small part to how busy he had become. His homework became more and more onerous as time went on. In every lesson, every single teacher made it a regular practice to spend at least five minutes lecturing on the importance of N.E. for the seventh years, and the lectures grew more and more dire sounding each time. James wished the teachers would stop doing this; he was having enough trouble staying on top of his homework, Quidditch practices, and his Head Boy duties without having to worry about his future once he'd

left Hogwarts.

The worst part of James's hectic schedule was that it left less time for him to spend with Lily. They'd gone on a few more dates to Hogsmeade, mostly chaste outings that ended with nothing more than enthusiastic kisses outside Lily's room. But James took great joy in the fact that Lily seemed to be growing more and more comfortable with him. He found he still couldn't resist

teasing her, but she gave back in kind and he discovered that she had quite a wicked sense of humor.

He was liking her more and more every day.

The problem with being around Lily was that James found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on other things. He was distracted in lessons and found his eyes wandering to her red hair and his thoughts wandering to her soft skin. He wasn't flying quite as well, either, he noticed. Gryffindor had barely scraped a victory over Ravenclaw in what should have been an easy win, and James knew it was because Lily Evans distracted him.

James was also spending less time with the Marauders than he would have liked. He simply didn't have the time or the wherewithal to engage in the kind of mischief he'd used to. Peter Pettigrew, in particular, had grown so distant that they barely saw him anymore. In fact, James was quite sure the only time he saw Peter at all these days was when the full moon came round and they all made the journey to the Shrieking Shack with Remus.

Then, of course, was the near-constant issue of the goings on in his trousers. James was wondering if he'd just have to resign himself to a permanent state of discomfort where his crotch was concerned. Even the smallest _hint_of a thought of Lily brought stirrings Down There. It was maddening. She had mostly held fast to their agreed upon limit of physical contact, but it was taking its toll on him. He'd been the perfect gentleman (well, mostly), but when, for heaven's sake, was

she going to loosen up?

And no amount of self-servicing seemed to help, either. James felt rather ridiculous about it all. He was almost eighteen; he should be beyond this.

The only relief to be had was from Lily. He knew he would have to talk to her about it soon.

_I__don__'__t__need__to__shag__he__r__,_he thought_.__I__just__need_something _aside__f__r__om__snogging.__I__haven__'__t__even__felt__her__up__since__our__second__date!_

Now he sat silently in Transfiguration, his eyes fixed on the back of Lily's head (she was sitting with Clarissa), taking in every strand of her beautiful hair and wishing he were burying his face in it. As usual he was standing at attention.

'Your turn, Mr. Potter.'

James blinked. 'What?' He forced his eyes away from Lily's soft hair and up to Professor

McGonagall's face.

'For heaven's sake, Potter, wake up!' she snapped.

'Sorry,' he said, feeling his neck get hot with embarrassment. Several of the Slytherins sniggered, and Snivellus sneered at James beneath his greasy curtain of hair.

'Quiet,' McGonagall snapped. 'Potter, in case you've forgotten where you are, this is Advanced

Transfiguration. Today we are working on Conjuring Spells.'

'Yes, Professor,' said James, sitting up taller in his seat. 'I know.'

'Do you?' she said, her thin eyebrows arching. 'Excellent. Then perhaps you would be so kind as to come up to the front of the classroom and Conjure a dining table and four chairs.'

James gulped. _Lovel__y__,_he thought. _I__have__an__e__r__ection__and__I__have__to__stand__up__and__walk__to__the__f__r__ont__of_

_the__class._He cast a glance over at Severus Snape and forced himself to think of what Snivellus must look like naked. To James's relief, the image worked.

Erection now deflated, James stood and strode confidently to the front of the classroom. A table and four chairs? Child's play. He could conjure up furniture to fill an entire house at this point.

James reached the front of the classroom, making a point not to look at Lily. He raised his wand, gave it several quick waves, and an elegant small dining table and four matching chairs appeared out of thin air.

McGonagall's lips pursed in a thin line; James knew she was trying not to smile.

'Excellent, Mr. Potter,' she said. 'Twenty points to Gryffindor.'

Several appreciative murmurs went up in the classroom; James glanced over at the Slytherins, all of whom were scowling. Snape shot him a look of pure hatred. James gave them a smug smile, then glanced at Lily.

She was smiling warmly at him, and as he passed her desk, he winked at her. She giggled silently behind her hand as Clarissa rolled her eyes.

James took his seat next to Sirius.

'Nice one,' Sirius whispered.

'That?' said James carelessly. 'That was nothing.'

'Nothing?' whispered Sirius, as he pretended to take notes. 'Not the way you've been distracted these days. You'd better shag Evans soon or you'll flunk out of school.'

'Shut it,' James hissed.

At ten o'clock that evening James emerged fresh from a shower. He'd just returned from a brutal Quidditch practice, and though he wanted nothing better than to fall right into bed, he knew he had Potions homework to contend with. Worse, this particular assignment involved research, which meant a trip to the library.

He hated the library. Madam Pince was a tyrant about running the place. Even the smallest hint of noise and you earned, at minimum, a scathing look from her. More often than not you were given a warning, and a second offense meant getting thrown out altogether and a temporary revocation of library privileges.

It was worse for James; he was already on Madam Pince's Most Hated Students list, having been chucked out of her domain well too many times to count, for breaking not only her sacred No Noise rule, but also the No Food rule, the No Feet on the Table rule, the No Laughing rule, the No Re- arranging the Stacks rule, and the No Levitating of Books rule.

In fact, the only student that James knew of who'd broken more library rules was Sirius, who in addition to all of the above had broken the No Shagging rule (officially called the No Fraternizing rule), which earned him a month's worth of detentions alphabetizing the stacks.

James entered the library and immediately made his way to the farthest corner of the room, out of Madam Pince's direct line of vision. He was fumbling in his bag for his quill when he looked up and saw that Lily was there, alone, at the very table he'd meant to use. She looked up and smiled at him.

_Damn,_he thought. _I__won__'__t__get__much__work__done__if__I__sit__with__he__r__._

But she beckoned to him, and he felt his feet propel him toward the table, where he sat down across from her.

'Hey,' he whispered.

'Hi,' she said. 'This is a rare appearance for you, being in the library.'

'Yeah,' he said softly, 'well, I'm not really all that popular with-'

He was cut off by a very loud shush from Madam Pince; James turned and saw her glaring daggers at him.

He looked at Lily, who shrugged.

'We have to study, anyway,' she whispered. 'No talking.'

'Right,' James whispered, pulling out his parchment, his inkpot, and his Potions textbook. He arranged his materials carefully and looked up to see Lily with her head bent down over an Arithmancy essay. She had tucked her hair behind her ears and was writing rapidly in a very flowing, feminine script. The tip of her tongue stuck out and she had a look of intense concentration on her face.

_She__looks__adorable,_he thought, then shook his head. _Homework._

But he kept glancing at her even as he struggled to answer his first Potions question. He sighed in frustration. Lily looked up.

'What?' she whispered. Another shush from Pince. James rolled his eyes. He took a spare piece of parchment and wrote on it, then passed it to her.

-_Can__'__t__c__oncentrat__e__._

She scribbled something, then passed it back to him.

-_What__'__s__the__matter?_

He wrote back.

-_Nothing.__Y__ou__just__look__r__eally__p__r__ett__y__._

She smiled slightly as she read his note, then wrote back.

-_Thanks.__So__do__you._

And they began to pass notes in earnest.

-_Y__ou__think__I'm__p__r__etty?__W__ell,__thanks,__I__guess._

_-Okay, not pretty. Is cute better?_

_-Much better. Thanks._

-_I'm__glad__you__app__r__ove.__Now__you__r__eally__ought__to__focus__on__your__homework._

_-Thank you, Miss Prissy, for pointing out the obvious. But it's hard to focus on work when you smell so good._

_-James, stop flirting with me and do your Potions assignment! And I'm not prissy. You, on the other hand, are incorrigible._

_- I can't help myself when I'm near you. This is as much your fault as it is mine._

_-Really? That's funny, because from where I'm sitting the only thing I'm TRYING to do is my homework._

_-Yeah, but you look so cute doing it. Give me a break, Lil. I'm dying here._

_-You're dying? Really? You look perfectly healthy to me._

_-You KNOW what I mean._

_-Oh. That._

_-Yes. That._

_-James, I thought we agreed that-_

_-I know what we agreed, Lil, but do you have any idea what it's like to walk around in constant pain?_

_-You're not really in constant pain._

_-Yes, I am._

_-Look, James, I'm just trying to get my homework done. I'm sorry you're in pain but for right now, you're just going to have to deal with it._

_-Merlin, you're cruel._

_-I'm just being practical._

_-And cruel._

_-James._

_-Fine. Be that way. I'll just do my homework and try to forget that you're making me suffer._

_-I'm not trying to make you suffer!_

_-Lily, please, I'm TRYING to do my homework. Stop passing notes to me, would you?_

_-You started it!_

_-Only because you look so gorgeous and it's the only way I can talk to you without Pince throwing me out of here on my arse._

_-If it's really a problem I can leave, you know._

_-No. Don't go, I like having you here. Even if you are distracting._

_-Perhaps you should just try not looking at me._

_-I can't help that. You're the prettiest thing in here._

_-You're impossible._

_-I'm also horny as hell._

_-So you said._

_-Do you think maybe we could go back to my room?_

_-NO._

_-Please?_

_-Dammit, James, I already told you I'm not ready for...well, you know._

_-I'm not talking about 'well, you know.' I'm talking about a little relief. That's all. Just a little relief, I swear._

_-I see. And if I give you this 'relief ' that you're referring to, you'll stop walking around in pain and get your homework done and leave me alone to do mine?_

_-I swear._

_-Fine. I'll give you a little relief then._

James's eyes widened just a bit as he read this last note from her. Thank Merlin! They could get out of this oppressive library, go back to his room, snog like mad and a bit beyond that. He smiled and started to put his things into his bag when he felt something. Something brushing against his crotch. He dropped his quill and looked up.

Lily was sitting there with a rather smug sort of smile on her face. He felt it again, something rubbing his crotch. Her foot. Her shoeless, sock-covered foot.

She pressed against his erection lightly with the ball of her foot and ran it slowly up the length of him. He gasped.

'What are you doing?' he whispered.

'HUSH!' Madam Pince hissed.

James blinked and bit his lip. Dear god. He was in the library, sitting across from the most beautiful girl in the world, and she was rubbing him with her foot. He grabbed the parchment that contained their hastily scrawled notes and quickly scratched out another message.

-_What__a__r__e__y__ou__DOING?_

He shoved the parchment across the table, which caused him to lean into her foot a bit more, which caused his erection to throb, which forced him to sit back down and bite back the urge to whimper. Sweet Merlin, it felt good.

She smiled benignly at him as she read his note, and then calmly wrote a message of her own, all the while her foot stroking him gently up and down. She slid the parchment across the table to him.

_-Giving you relief._

He blinked and sucked in his breath, then shakily picked up his quill, dipped it into his inkpot, and wrote another message.

_-We're in the library, Evans!_

He returned the parchment to her; she read it and wrote another message.

_-I'm aware of that._

_-You're evil._

_-I can stop if you want._

_-No,__please__don__'__t.__Please__DO__NOT__STO__P_.

He dropped his quill as she read over his final message and leaned against her foot; she pressed it against him and rubbed him harder. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. He felt her toes curling round him and he gripped the table, his cloak, random pieces of parchment. He began to crumple some parchment in his hands when suddenly he heard sharp footsteps hurry their way.

His eyes flew open and he forced himself to sit up straighter even as he moved closer to the table to hide his erection. Lily, however, didn't stop rubbing him.

'Mr. Potter,' Madam Pince hissed, glaring down at him. 'Stop making that noise! If you must dispose of your parchment do it _quietl__y__._'

James blinked and tried to focus, tried not to fall out of his chair.

'Yes, madam,' he croaked softly, biting his lip.

'Are you all right, Potter?' Pince asked suspiciously. She glared at Lily, who looked up and smiled at the librarian with the most innocent of expressions on her face. She had her quill in hand and to all the world she was simply, deeply involved in her homework. Pince's eyes shot back to James.

'I'm fine,' James whispered, glaring at Lily and in the next instant biting his tongue against moaning out loud as the ball of her foot ran up and down.

Madam Pince glowered at him and gave a little huff, then stalked away. James let out a breath, but his relief was short-lived; Lily had begun to stroke him harder and faster with her foot.

'Lily,' he whispered desperately. She wasn't even looking at him, but was bent over her Arithmancy notes, looking at them as though with great interest.

'Stop,' he begged. 'Please.'

Lily looked up. 'What was that?' she asked, still rubbing him. Dear god, if she didn't stop soon he'd wind up coming right there in the library, and that would be a mess he didn't want to think about. For a split second he wished he were a girl; their orgasms were never quite so untidy.

'_S__top__,_' he mouthed, and he felt himself push his chair away from the table, away from her foot. He let out another breath.

_Naked__Snivell__y__,__naked__Snivell__y__,__naked__Snivell__y__,_he thought over and over again. The throbbing in his groin began to ebb. Sort of. He looked up at Lily, who was again bent over her Arithmancy notes; her lips were curled into a smile.

James grabbed another piece of parchment and wrote on it, then passed it to her.

_-You little MINX._

_-Sorry, didn't you like that?_

_-You know I did._

_-Good. I'm glad. Do you feel any better?_

_-NO! That was really wicked, Evans! You are SUCH a tease. How the HELL am I supposed to think about homework now?_

_-You're the one who told me to stop. Perhaps you should have let me finish._

_-Right. Like I'm going to make a mess in my trousers right here in the damn library. Now, dammit, let's go back to my room and finish this properly._

_- You can't order me round like I'm your little 'relief slave'!_

_-Oh, but you can tease me like that in the middle of the bloody library?_

_-You started it._

_-And YOU...okay, I started it._

_-And you didn't let me finish._

_-We could just go back to my room._

_-You've already suggested that. I will be happy to go with you to your room LATER. Right now I_

_have homework to do, so if you don't mind..._

James eyed her message and bit back a smirk. He suddenly had a very wicked idea. He scribbled something on the parchment.

_-You promise you'll come?_

_-Yes, James, I will come to your room. LATER!_

James read her final message and pressed his lips together to keep from laughing.

_Sweet, innocent Lily. I think you'll be coming sooner than you think._

He set down his quill, pushed his chair from the table, and rose. She looked up at him, her eyes wide. James picked up his books, his parchment, his quill and ink pot, and strolled casually to her side, taking the seat to her right and sitting down.

'What are you doing?' she hissed, looking scared.

'I'm sitting next to you, what's it look like I'm doing?' he whispered.

'You'd better not try anything,' she warned, glancing up the aisles to watch for Madam Pince.

'I can't sit next to you and do my homework?' he whispered innocently. His erection had calmed down now, now that he knew what he was going to do.

Lily eyed him warily. 'You swear you're only going to do your homework?' she whispered, moving her chair slightly away from his. 'I mean, you're not going to, you know, want me to...do anything?'

'I don't want you to do a thing, Evans,' James said, smiling softly. On an impulse, he kissed the tip of her nose quickly. She blushed and smiled.

'Just focus on your homework,' he said, arranging his materials round him and picking up his quill. He winked at her. She relaxed and settled down to work. James watched her for a moment, and then turned his attention to his Potions homework.

_That__'__s__it.__Get__comfortable,_he thought. _Y__ou__little__brat.__W__ait__until__I'm__done__with__you..._

For about ten minutes, they worked in companionable silence. James managed to answer several of his homework questions correctly; he noticed that Lily sped through her homework and filled up several more inches of parchment than he knew was required of her. Once again she was poring over her assignment with an intense look of concentration on her face, the tip of her tongue

touching her top lip. James gazed at her for a moment, smiled, and slipped his left hand beneath the

table.

His hand found her leg immediately; she jumped as his hand covered her bare, smooth knee. She looked at him in shock; he smiled beatifically.

'What are you doing?' she whispered.

'Nothing,' he said, arching his eyebrows, but his fingers began to caress the skin of her knee.

'Stop that,' she whispered.

'Stop what?'

'That,' she whispered, pulling her knee away. He moved his chair closer to hers and captured her knee again in his hand, then dragged his palm a few inches higher. She gasped.

'What do you mean by 'that,' exactly?' James asked. He ran his fingers over her knee and just a few inches up her thigh. Merlin, but her skin was soft.

'James-'

'I'm trying doing my homework, Evans,' he whispered, running his fingers a little higher on the outside of her thigh. 'If you keep talking to me, I won't be able to concentrate.'

He slid his fingers beneath the hem of her skirt, sliding it upwards.

'James, stop,' she whispered, but she made no move to get away from him.

'I'm not doing anything,' he said, his hand moving still higher. His fingers brushed over her hip, touching the lace of her knickers.

'Yes you are, you're-' she began, but she seemed to swallow whatever she meant to say next as his hand moved again, this time down, over her knee, and slowly up the inside of her thigh.

'James,' she whispered, 'don't.' She didn't move.

'Don't what?' he asked, moving his chair closer to her, letting his hand move up higher. He could feel the heat between her thighs.

'Please,' she whispered, and she sucked in a breath as his fingers brushed across her knickers.

'Please what?' he asked, leaning close to her, whispering in her ear. He felt her knees drop apart, and he let his fingers move to the secret place between her legs.

'Oh,' she whispered, closing her eyes. 'James...'

'Tell me to stop and I will,' he murmured, his eyes glancing round the library quickly to ensure that no one was watching them. His fingers moved and began to stroke her slowly over her knickers. They were already damp. He pressed his fingers against her just a bit harder, and she shuddered, her eyes flying open as she clamped her fingers around his wrist. He stopped moving his fingers, but didn't remove his hand.

She bit her lip and closed her eyes; she couldn't seem to speak. Then she opened her eyes and looked at him.

'Tell me to stop and I will,' he repeated, moving his fingers again slowly against her. He could smell her arousal now, and his erection was back, straining against his trousers.

Lily swallowed-she seemed to have lost the ability to speak at all, but he noticed that she had opened her thighs just a bit wider, and had relaxed her grip on his wrist. Her eyes met his, and she breathed heavily. He saw the conflict in her gaze. He knew she wanted to take this further, that she was enjoying his caress, but that resistant part of her seemed to be struggling. This was the library. There were people all around. He would go as far as he dared, but not so far that she felt uncomfortable.

James was about to suggest they go back to his room again, when she suddenly nodded at him, almost imperceptibly. He felt her grip on his wrist tighten again, but this time, instead of using her

strength to stop him or push him away, she pressed his hand against her.

_Oh, fuck me._

Now it was James's turn to bite his lip. No, to chew a hole through it, because his girlfriend had just given him the okay to get her off in the library.

He didn't want to ask her if she was sure, or give her a chance to change her mind. Opportunities like this didn't come around often. Or ever.

He moved slightly closer to her, letting his eyes dart around the library to make sure nobody saw them, and then his fingers began to move again, pressing against her knickers, but then delicately sliding the soaked crotch of the cotton aside so that he touched...

James bit his lip so hard he tasted blood. Her flesh was soft and hot and...

_So inc__r__edibly__fucking_wet_._

His fingers slid lightly over the surface of her folds. She inhaled and spread her thighs further, and his finger brushed over her clitoris. A soft gasp issued from her mouth. He circled his finger over her clit, just a bit harder.

Lily gasped out loud. Madam Pince's head shot up and she glared in their direction. Lily pulled her Arithmancy book forward with her left hand and stared at it. She pretended to write something with her quill. Pince, apparently satisfied that the two of them were studying and not noticing just where James's hand was at the moment, looked down and turned her back, returning her attention to cataloguing books.

'Almost got caught there, Evans,' James teased, still circling his index finger over her clit. 'Maybe I

should stop.'

Her grip tightened on his wrist again. She didn't want him to stop. He didn't, but he did change course just a bit, sliding his index finger inside her tight heat. He again had to fight the urge to moan as he felt her slick walls clamp around his finger. James knew no one else had ever done this to her, and here she was, letting _him_. He slid his finger back and forth, anchoring his thumb against her

clit, reminding himself to keep watch as he did. But it was difficult to concentrate on not getting caught.

On the contrary, as his finger slid in and out of her, all James could really think about was replacing that finger with his cock.

_One step at a time, Potter. Oh...is she...are her hips moving..._

They were. Just a little, just slightly, but she was rocking against him. She was..._riding_his finger. He decided to take a chance and added a second. She inhaled deeply at the invasion, and for a split second he wondered if it was too much, but then he felt her moving against him again, and he relaxed into a slow rhythm with his fingers, stretching her just a little as his thumb pressed her clit.

'Oh, god,' she whispered, as his fingers slid in and out of her. James glanced at his Potions notes for a moment, looked round the library again and felt a thrill in his veins, inside his trousers. This was entirely too sexy to be real. Here he was in the library with his hand up Lily's skirt, his fingers

inside her, and nobody was the wiser.

He leaned in closer to her. 'Do you want me to stop?' he whispered, his fingers still moving slowly, in and out of her, his thumb pressing her lightly, moving up and down. She gripped the side of the table so hard her knuckles were white and gave him a desperate look. Again, she was torn, but this time, James couldn't stop. Not now...she was close.

'P-please,' she begged. 'I c-can't-'

He didn't stop. He felt her hips moving faster against his hand; he was grateful they were both covered in heavy school robes. He glanced repeatedly round the library; so did she, but her eyes opened and closed and she bit her lip hard to keep from breathing too loudly. Sweet Merlin, but this was dirty. Dirty and fantastic. He'd never done anything like this in his life.

He slid his fingers out of her and up to her clit; she spread her thighs even wider and leaned forward.

His fingers moved faster on her clit, making hot circles; he forced himself to ignore his own throbbing erection and focused on her, only her. He gave up any pretense of doing his homework-it was too hard to concentrate on anything but what his left hand was doing.

Lily closed her eyes again, gripping her quill in her right hand, her thumb resting against it. 'James,'

she whispered weakly, and her head dropped back, then forward.

James looked again round the library. Still, nobody noticed what he was doing. He wondered if maybe he should stop after all; Lily looked like she was trying not to scream. _And__if__I__did__stop,__it__would__serve__her__right,_he thought. _Let__her__know__what__it__feels__like__to__be__so__horribly__f__r__ustrate__d__._

He changed his mind when he saw her fingers of her free hand grip the side of the table (the other was still wrapped around his wrist) He moved closer to her. She was close, so close. He slowed his fingers down, and she bit her lip again.

'James, please,' she whispered.

'Do you want me to finish?' he whispered, his tongue brushing against her earlobe. So wet, so hot, so soft. Dear god, he needed to finish her off or he'd come instead. But he wanted her to ask. He had to hear it.

'James,' she whispered again, squeezing her eyes shut and gripping her quill tightly in her fist.

'Tell me,' he whispered, shifting slightly to relieve the pressure in his groin. 'Tell me.' He leaned close to her.

She turned her head slightly, and reached under the table with her left hand, gripping his wrist.

'Yes,' she whispered, so softly he almost didn't hear it. 'Please...god...don't stop.'

With one last glance round the library to ensure nobody saw him, he moved still closer to her, turning to face her. As the fingers of his left hand circled her clit harder and faster, he slid his right hand beneath her robes, her jumper, her blouse, and found her hard-tipped breast. Her eyes went wide as he teased her nipple gently with the fingers of his right hand, and worked her clit with the fingers of his left. Faster, faster...

She bit her lip, squeezed her eyes shut, arched against him.

In the next instant her head fell back, she bit her lip, exhaled loudly, and snapped her quill in two with her hand. He felt her hips jerk against him and her muscles tighten as the orgasm took her, her breath coming out in tiny, rapid, near-silent gasps. James bit his own lip, fighting back his own climax.

Madam Pince whirled round at the sound of the quill snapping; James quickly pulled his hands from beneath Lily's clothes. Lily blinked; she was trying not to pant but not having much success. She smiled weakly up at Madam Pince and pointedly began to rummage in her bag for another quill; she was trembling.

Pince huffed again and turned. Lily gave up digging in her bag and closed her eyes, as though willing her breathing to slow down. James watched her for a moment and felt a flash of guilt. Perhaps he shouldn't have done that. He hadn't really expected to give her her an orgasm in the damn library. She probably was wishing they'd been in his room, lying on his soft bed, alone.

Lily turned to him, her face soft and her eyes glazed. Then she smiled and ran her fingers quickly through his messy hair. She wasn't angry at all. She looked happy.

No. She looked..._satisfied._He had done that for her. His erection stirred again. He could still smell her on his hand. He felt ridiculously pleased with himself. He felt hornier than he'd ever felt in his life.

_Potter, you dirty git, you got your girl off in the library! She liked it!_

'Potter, you're horrible,' she whispered, giggling softly. 'That was my best quill.'

**Chapter Eight: Payback and the Werewolf**

Lily felt her breathing return to normal. She felt dizzy. Elated. Embarrassed. Naughty. Hot. She couldn't believe she'd just let James do that to her. She couldn't believe how good his fingers had felt. She was throbbing there now, her muscles aching from the force of the orgasm she'd just had.

James gave her a devilish smile and pushed his chair away from hers; the chair scraped loudly on the floor. Madam Pince turned round sharply yet again, and James pressed his lips together, then took the piece of parchment on which they'd scribbled and wrote a note, which he slid over to her.

_-Did you enjoy that?_

She closed her eyes and smiled, even as her face flushed. She dipped her shortened, broken quill into her inkpot and scratched a response.

_-It was...dirty._

_-Dirty bad or dirty good?_

_-Dirty good._

James smiled as he read her message, then wrote another line.

_-Do you want to go to my room now?_

Lily stared at the note and nervousness stole over her. She hesitated. James was watching her. He took the note from her and wrote something else.

_-We don't have to if you don't want to._

She glanced at him. His face was hopeful and eager and nervous. She felt a smile steal over her lips but swallowed it. Instead she wrote something in return.

_-Let's go._

James let out a kind of short, barking laugh, which earned him a searing look from Madam Pince. Without a word, without so much as moving from the circulation desk, she pointed a skinny, spindly arm toward the exit and nodded at James in fury.

'She's kicking us out, anyway,' James muttered. They gathered up their things and left the library swiftly, James in the lead.

The corridors were mostly deserted at this point; they passed the Ravenclaw prefects who were heading back to their common room, and at last came to James's door.

He murmured the password and the door clicked open, and they went inside. He walked over to his desk and tossed his bag on his chair, then turned to her. Lily suddenly felt incredibly nervous. And incredibly excited. From the moment she had recovered from her orgasm, she had plotted what she would do to exact sweet revenge on James. He'd had all the power in the library; she would take it back in this room. The only question was whether she had the nerve to do it.

'You okay, Lil?' he asked. He took a tentative step toward her. 'We don't have to...I mean...we can just talk or something...'

'Shut up, Potter,' she said, and before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed his head, yanked it down to her lips and kissed him deeply. Her tongue swept inside his mouth and in the next moment he was kissing her back, hungrily exploring her mouth and tangling his fingers in her hair.

She moaned, but then squeezed her eyes and forced her brain to focus. _Don__'__t__let__him__take__the__lead__again,_she thought_.__It__'__s__payback__tim__e_.

'Seal the door,' she commanded, in a voice that didn't quite sound like hers.

'Right,' he whispered, pulling his wand from his robes and pointing it at the door. '_Colloportus.'_He threw the wand aside and started to kiss her, but she stepped away from him slightly.

Instead she pushed him toward the bed; his knees met the edge of it and he fell backward onto it. She smiled down at him.

'Wow,' he said, grinning. 'You're full of surprises tonight, Evans.'

'You have no idea,' she purred, feeling rather pleased with the sexy way her voice sounded. It certainly helped ease her nerves a bit. She crawled onto the bed toward him, over him. He started to sit up, to reach for her, but she pushed him back down roughly.

'Don't get up,' she said. He grinned, his face a mask of randy anticipation.

She slid over him, straddling him, and leaned down to kiss him, nibbling on his lower lip. He moaned, and she lowered herself onto him, rubbing up against him, rubbing her pelvis against his. Even through the layers of their robes and uniforms, she could feel his arousal. She swallowed her nervousness and kissed him again, devouring his mouth and tongue with hers, making him dizzy.

'What...are you doing?' James breathed, when she let him come up for air.

'You'll see,' she whispered, pulling herself up, still straddling him. He started to sit up again, to reach for her, but she shoved him back down on the bed.

'I said, don't get up,' she growled. She started to feel just a bit silly right then.

_Get over yourself, Evans, you're not a seductress! What do you think you're doing?_

_It's payback, that's what it is. And who says you CAN'T be a seductress? Aren't you sick and tired of being Miss Prissy Head Girl?_

_Yeah, I am._

She smiled down at James again and leaned over him, kissing him again. He started to put his arms round her, but she shrugged them off and reached inside her robes, extracting her wand with her right hand.

_Okay, here it comes. My god, you little tart. You are not going to do this. What will he think? You ARE going to do this. And he's going to love it._

She pulled back up; he followed, holding her face with his hands, kissing her greedily, but she pushed him back down again.

'Wha-' he began. She raised her wand.

_Holy Merlin, you are completely insane, Evans._

She pointed it at his wrists.

_Slag, slag, slag!_

'_Inca__r__ce__r__ous,'_she muttered. At once, invisible ropes wrapped round James's wrists-she pointed her wand at the headboard post and the invisible ropes attached themselves there; his wrists were held fast above his head.

She blinked and started to look down.

_He's going to call you a tramp. He's going to kick you out of his room. You are such a little tart..._

Her eyes met his.

He was panting, gazing at her with very obvious lust. He grinned.

'This is kinky,' he said. He groaned and shifted beneath her; she felt his erection throbbing against her right thigh. 'Very, very kinky,' he added.

'This is payback,' said Lily, her voice shaking just a little. Okay, so far, so good. He hadn't kicked her out of his room.

'Payback,' he repeated. 'Excellent...'

_Now__comes__the__diff__i__cult__part,_she thought, and she kissed him again to hide the nervousness on her face. He kissed her back. She pulled off his glasses and set them aside, and kissed him again. She pressed her pelvis against him, grinding him. He moaned and struggled against his bonds.

'Dammit, Lil,' he gasped. 'Please let me touch you.'

'No,' she whispered, kissing his mouth again, rubbing against him again. He moaned, and Lily felt a rush of triumph. He was quite obviously enjoying himself. He wanted to touch her and he couldn't. Ha! She put her wand on his bedside table and began to fumble with the clasp to his robes.

'Lily, what-'

'Hush,' she whispered, opening the robes. She moved to his tie and untied it, then tossed it carelessly aside. Her hands gripped the hem of his jumper and pulled it up. Then she pulled at his shirt, exposing his smooth, muscled chest.

He was lovely. So very lovely. Not big, but lean and strong. A soft patch of very fine hair grew across his chest; the fine, soft hair trailed downward, disappearing into his trousers. But he was smooth, really. Smooth and beautiful. Her lips began to tingle in anticipation. Once again she acted, before her brain could tell her to stop.

She lowered her lips to his chest; he moaned again as she trailed hot kisses over his chest.

'Sweet Merlin,' he gasped.

Tentatively she trailed her tongue down the center of his stomach; his skin was softer than she'd expected. She felt the muscles in his abdomen clench as she moved her tongue lower, stopping just above the waistband of his trousers. She kissed him across his stomach and her hands moved across his chest. Then she lowered her right hand to him and caressed him lightly over his trousers.

'Oh my god, Lil,' he cried out. 'Jesus...' He struggled harder against his bonds, but the Charm held him fast.

She caressed him harder.

'Please, Lil,' he groaned. 'Please...'

She bit her lip. The moment of truth. He was so erect he looked ready to burst out of his trousers. And that's what scared Lily. She wanted to ease some of his rather obvious pain, but on the other

hand, the thing between his legs was so very...foreign to her.

_Payback,_she thought. _It__'__s__payback.__Y__ou__can__do__it.__It__'__s__just__a...you__kno__w__._

She kissed him lightly on the stomach once more and began to unbutton his trousers. He sighed with relief. She sat up slightly, forcing herself to watch what she was doing. He was wearing boxer shorts underneath; as the trousers opened completely, his erection moved and she jumped, just slightly.

'Lil,' James said, his voice slightly different. As if trying to control himself. 'You okay?' She looked up at him.

_Come on, Lil, don't quit now. Don't be scared._

She smiled and slid up against him and kissed him slowly.

'Fine,' she whispered, and she let her hand move inside his trousers.

'Oh, god,' he groaned, throwing his head back, writhing again. Lily closed her eyes and buried her face against his chest as her hand took in the shape of him. He was...big. Well, not that she had anything to compare it to. And her hands were rather small. But still...

_T__ouch__him,_she thought. _Have__to__touch__him.__Have__to__find__out._

She pursed her lips, grateful that he couldn't see the terrified expression on her face (his eyes were closed and he was breathing very heavily), and she reached her hand inside his shorts, closing her fist round him. His hips jerked up and he groaned again. She began to stroke him slowly, her hand hot against his smooth, hard flesh. _Please__let__me__be__doing__this__right,_she thought.

'God, Lil!' he cried. 'Oh, god!'

The feeling of smug satisfaction crept over her again.

_Heh, heh, heh, so he likes that, doesn't he? Yes he does. Aren't you just the little wanton, Miss_

_Evans.__T__ossing__a__boy__off__l__ike__you__are?__He__is__completely__at__your__me__r__c__y__,__too.__Can__'__t__even__touch__yo__u_.

James groaned again as she stroked him just a bit harder. He was panting, struggling, his hips moving against his will. She kissed him as she stroked him, and found herself beginning to tingle. This was so very...hot. She felt the strong urge to take off her robes, her jumper...

'Please, Lil,' he gasped against her mouth, his voice now a whisper. 'Take them off...I'm dying...' She stopped stroking him and gulped. Of course he wanted her to take off his trousers. It couldn't

possibly be comfortable for him, with his huge erection, to be wearing anything, even if she'd given

him a little...breathing room by opening the buttons.

_Just do it. I'll do it._

She sat up, pulling back from his lips, and put her hands on either side of his trousers, gripping the waistband. He was breathing hard, his chest rising and falling, his eyes closed. She tugged slowly at the waistband of his trousers; he lifted his buttocks off the bed to let her slide them down over his slim hips. She pulled the trousers down to his ankles, then giggled.

'What?' James asked, looking up, his voice shaking.

'Forgot your shoes,' she said, and she pulled them off, along with the socks (Marianne and Clarissa had both said something about always making sure to take off a bloke's socks because a naked bloke in socks looked absurd).

James laughed, then gasped again as she ran her hands up his muscled legs, which were hairier than the rest of him.

_Keep going, Evans, almost there._

She could see his erection beneath his shorts.

Her hands moved up higher, higher. She moved to his face and kissed him again.

'Lily,' he murmured against her mouth.

'Are you all right?' she asked.

_Translation: am I doing anything remotely right here or am I just completely clueless?_

'You're driving me mad,' he whispered, and gasped as her hand closed round him again. 'Oh. Oh, god.'

She stroked him harder, faster, then backed off.

_I'll__show__you__a__tease,__Potte__r__,_she thought, then blushed.

_You tart, Evans. He loves it._

_You love it._

She began to kiss him over his chest again, letting her tongue wander over his skin. He tasted earthy, a bit salty. Delicious. Her hand began to stroke him harder again.

'Lil, please!' he groaned, arching his back against her hand. 'Please let me touch you. Please...dear god...'

She looked up at him; his eyes met hers. He had a kind of desperate, hungry, wild look on his face. His eyes were slightly unfocused, the result of not having his glasses on. And, she thought, from no small amount of lust. She smiled wickedly at him.

'No,' she said again.

'Please...' he begged, but she ignored him and went back to kissing his chest, his stomach, lower... He gasped again as her tongue drifted over that soft trail of hair. She hesitated. Should she do it?

What if it was gross? What if it made her jaw hurt? She hadn't even looked at...It...yet. What if it

really was funny looking, like Marianne said? What if he got offended? What if he broke up with her? What if he told his friends? What if she wasn't any good at it?

_Make up your mind, Evans, before the boy passes out on you._

Once more she let her instincts take over, before her brain could tell her to stop. She freed him from behind the opening in his boxer shorts; glanced at It long enough to be scared, amused and fascinated at the same time, then lowered her mouth.

James gave a kind of scream-good lord, Lily hoped nobody could hear him, he was being awfully loud-and struggled once again. She pulled back just slightly.

Well, _that_set him off. Okay, now what? She experimented with her tongue and lips. She had no idea what she was doing.

_Please__let__this__be__oka__y__,_she thought. James was now moaning and babbling rather incoherently, which she took to be a good sign.

She resumed what she was doing, moving up and down, still experimenting.

_T__eeth,_she remembered. _W__atch__out__for__the__teeth.__This__is__a__very__sensitive__a__r__ea._

She adjusted and continued, feeling at first that it wasn't so bad, then looking at the whole thing in a rather analytical fashion. Her jaw ached a bit-well, he _was_big-but not as bad as she'd feared. Certainly not in dislocation territory, anyway. She added her hand, which set him to moaning again.

She paused long enough to listen to his moaning.

It was sexy. So very sexy. And it was because of her. Because of what she was doing. She resumed her attentions to him, listening to his moans and whimpers and panting, and suddenly she realized something. She was rather aroused herself.

Not so much from what she was doing, but from the result of what she was doing. She remembered what his fingers had done in the library, how he'd started out slow with her and built up speed. Okay, she could do that. Maybe.

She did. She used her mouth, her lips, her tongue, her hand, and stroked him faster.

'Lily,' he groaned. 'Oh. My. God.' She looked up long enough to see his chest heaving, his head thrown back. He was saying her name over and over again.

_You naughty, naughty girl, Evans._

She smiled triumphantly and continued, putting on more speed. She felt him tense beneath her, felt his breathing grow shallow and lightning fast, felt the muscles of his legs and stomach clench. He was very close to...something. She hesitated for just a moment. What would that be like, she wondered, when he...finished?

'Please...don't...stop...' James begged.

_Okay, this sexy, sexy boy is tied up and is begging you to get him off. Are you going to give him some relief here or keep on torturing him?_

Torture didn't seem like a very nice thing to do at this point, so Lily resumed, applying more speed and more pressure, ignoring the fiery pain in her jaw. She heard James give another rather loud sort of scream and felt him release. She closed her eyes and took it in.

_Hang__in__the__r__e,_she thought, not particularly loving this part of things but figuring she was there and might as well see things through. The taste wasn't too bad, all things considered. She swallowed and lifted herself away from him, rubbing her sore jaw.

She lifted herself up and lowered her body onto James, whose forehead was damp with sweat. His eyes were glazed and he was still breathing very hard. She felt strange; part of her was very embarrassed.

_Well, it's not every day you suck on a boy's...you know._

And maybe he hadn't liked it as much as his moaning suggested. She knew a boy couldn't fake an orgasm...well, not that she'd heard, anyway...but maybe he had just been moaning a whole lot to make her feel better about the poor job she'd done.

Before she could even begin to ask him anything she decided now was as good a time as any to untie him. He didn't look particularly fit to move, anyway, and it would be more comfortable for him not to have his arms yanked up over his head. She picked up her wand and performed the counter spell, and his wrists were free.

'Are you...are you okay?' she whispered, as he turned his head slowly to her. _Please__let__me__have__done__it__right,_she thought. _If__I__didn__'__t__then__just__lie__to__me._

'Sweet...Merlin...' he murmured, and he cupped his face in her hands. He kissed her softly on the lips; it was so gentle that Lily felt tears sting her eyes.

'James,' she whispered. 'I've...I've never...'

'It was brilliant,' he said, smiling, running a hand through your hair. 'Thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you. You may have just saved my life, Lil.' He chuckled softly and she laughed. He pulled her next to him and gathered her in his arms; she felt a wave of contentment settle over her as she sank against his chest and his fingers caressed her hair.

'You're incorrigible, Potter,' she whispered.

'And you are very naughty, Evans,' he said. 'Using the Incarcerous Charm. That was evil.'

'Too kinky?' she asked, biting her lip.

'Are you kidding?' he said, grinning, but his voice was still soft. 'That was definitely the hottest

Incarcerous Charm I've ever seen.'

'I told you, it was payback, for the library,' she said.

'I'll certainly never think of the library as boring ever again,' he said, entwining his hand with hers. The gesture moved her. She felt tears sting her eyes again. That tiny part of her was still screaming at her that she should be ashamed.

'James,' she whispered. 'I hope...you don't think...that I'm...well...that what I did...'

'Stop,' he said, and he reached under her chin with his hand and tilted her head up. His eyes were focused now, intense. 'Stop doing that.'

'Doing what?'

'Worrying that I'm going to think you're easy or a slag or something,' he whispered. 'I don't. I've never thought that. I'll never think that.'

The tears were burning behind her eyelashes now, and she felt a lump in her throat. When had he become so...sweet? So tender? Where was the arrogant braggart she'd once despised? The mischief was still there but now he was simply...lovely.

'Really?' she asked, biting at her lower lip again to keep it from trembling.

'Really,' he said, caressing her cheek. 'You're a good person, Lil. The best person I've ever known.' She felt a tear roll down her cheek. He chuckled and brushed it away with his thumb.

'Well, that's no good,' he said. 'I've gone and made you cry.'

'No, you haven't!' she protested, but two more tears fell. 'Okay, you have, but it's good tears.'

'Girls,' James muttered, grinning and shaking his head. 'Such emotional creatures you are.'

'And boys are so very randy,' she countered.

'True,' he said. 'But I think I'm cured for the moment.'

'Ah,' she said. 'How long will that last?'

'I'd give it another twelve hours before I'm horny as hell again,' he said, grinning.

'In that case, I should probably go,' she said, getting up slowly, reluctantly.

'Do you have to?' He sat up.

'James,' she said, smoothing her hair and robes primly. 'We do have rounds in'-she checked her watch-'an hour. Remember? Head Boy and Head Girl things?'

'Oh, good,' he said, standing up. 'That means I get to see you again.'

'For business purposes only,' she said. 'No...funny stuff.'

'You mean no groping or kissing or fondling,' James said, looking downcast. 'Damn.'

She swatted his shoulder. 'I thought you weren't going to be randy for another twelve hours.'

'I overestimated,' he said. 'By about eleven hours and fifty nine minutes.'

'Good-bye, James,' she said firmly. 'See you in an hour.'

'Okay,' he said, pretending to pout, but he let her go. She picked up her bag, headed to his door, and

turned to peck him on the cheek. He had other ideas.

He pulled her close and gave her a very long, deep kiss. She put her arms round him and kissed him back, then remembered herself.

'James!' she said, pushing him away. He was grinning wickedly. 'Stop that!'

'Looks like I didn't cure you, either,' he said.

'Oh, really!' she said, putting on some of her old indignation. 'I'm going now. Take a cold shower, for heaven's sake.'

'Care to join me?' he asked.

'Oh!' She laughed and threw up her hands, then marched out his door and into the corridor. She turned in time to see him grinning at her and closing the door slowly behind her.

She started toward her room, her mind replaying the events of that night, starting with the moment he'd joined her in the library. Dear god, what had gotten into her?

_James Potter, that's what. Sexy, naughty, incorrigible, irresistible James Potter._

She giggled all the way back to her room.

'Sounds like you're finally making some progress, mate,' said Sirius a few nights later. He and James were making a very half-hearted attempt to study in James's room. Remus and Peter were in the Gryffindor common room.

'Yeah,' said James, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Of course he'd told Sirius what happened. Sirius was his best mate, and whatever his reputation was when it came to girls, Sirius had always been one to keep James's secrets, and vice versa. The trust they shared was implicit.

Still, James couldn't help but feel a bit resentful these days of Sirius's attitude toward girls. James was hardly a saint in that department, but he had come to recognize, having spent more and more time with Lily, that girls were a whole lot more than just a bunch of body parts. Sirius hadn't quite seemed to cotton on to this yet, and was still taking rather a bit too much joy in hearing of James's sexual progress with Lily.

Lily, for her part, had retreated into shyness whenever she was around him these past few days; James respected this and backed off just enough to give her space to think about what had occurred between them, physically, up to this point. It would be a lot for her to deal with. James wondered if she still felt guilty. He didn't want to think that she might feel guilty.

'When do you think you'll finally get her in bed, anyway?' Sirius was asking, carelessly crossing out a line on his Charms essay.

'I don't know,' said James, his voice sharp.

'Easy, mate,' said Sirius, looking up. 'I'm just asking. What's up with you, anyway? You've been acting a bit shirty lately.'

'Nothing,' said James quickly, not sure he wanted to tell even Sirius of what was on his mind.

'Come on, Prongs,' said Sirius. 'It's me, remember?' James sighed and looked up.

'I just...I like her,' he mumbled.

'Tell me something I don't know,' said Sirius, smirking.

'No,' said James firmly. 'I mean...I really...like her. I mean, I...care about her. I've never felt...' His voice trailed off for a moment. He cleared his throat and continued. 'I care about her.'

'Whoa,' said Sirius, sitting up. 'This sounds serious. Are you...in love with her?' James swallowed. He couldn't quite bring himself to look at Sirius.

'I think,' James began, 'I might...be getting there. I mean, I don't know, really, but...it's different this time. I care about...what she thinks. Of me. She makes me want to be...a better person.'

'Why?'

'I dunno,' said James, shrugging. 'Maybe because she's a good person. I feel like I have to live up to her standard or something. Like I want to.'

'Wow,' said Sirius. 'You are definitely falling for her.'

'Go on, laugh,' said James bitterly.

'I'm not laughing,' said Sirius. He leaned up and put a hand on James's shoulder. 'I'm not.' James smiled weakly at his best friend in the world. 'Thanks.'

'Hey, better you than me,' said Sirius, sitting back in his chair and grinning. 'I think I'm content to remain a bachelor, myself. Too many nice girls around here for me not to...get to know.'

'Whore,' said James, grinning.

'Why, thank you,' said Sirius.

'You talk a good game, mate,' said James, picking up his quill and looking over his own Charms essay, 'but funny, I've seen you spending quite a lot of time with that Marianne Bennett.' James looked up in time to see Sirius go red in the face.

'Yeah, well,' he said, 'we had a shag. So what?'

'Your shag was weeks ago,' said James knowingly. 'And you're still hanging round her. I thought your motto was 'Use them and lose them'.'

'Yeah, well, Marianne happens to be a damn fine shag partner, thank you very much,' said Sirius.

'I'm not going to chuck a good thing like Marianne.'

'And you feel absolutely nothing for her beyond lust,' said James.

'Well, no,' said Sirius. 'I mean, she's fun to be around, you know, as a mate. I mean, I wouldn't hang about if she were a complete bore, would I? Even I have _some_standards when it comes to a bird's personality.'

James grinned. 'Right. Well, congrats. Marianne is a lovely girl.'

'Yes,' said Sirius, looking a bit uncomfortable. 'A lovely girl whom I am shagging and nothing else.'

'Sure, whatever you say,' said James.

'Yeah, so,' said Sirius, quickly changing the subject, 'I'm bloody starving. Never did get enough to eat at dinner. Wanna go down to the kitchens and grab something?'

James grinned again and got up from the bed. 'Sure, why not?'

'Let's grab Moony, shall we?' Sirius suggested.

'Right.' James stacked up his books and put them on his desk, then grabbed his cloak-his very special cloak-and a blank piece of parchment.

'Come on, Prongs, you're Head Boy, you don't need that stuff anymore,' said Sirius.

'Oh, do you want to deal with Filch, then?' said James. 'It's two o'clock in the morning, Padfoot. Past our bedtime and all. And Filch hates me, he wouldn't care if I were the bloody Queen of England. And he doesn't like you much, either, and you're _not_Head Boy or a prefect, so...'

'Yeah, yeah,' said Sirius, waving his hand impatiently. 'I don't want to get a detention either, all right? I'll tell you, since you and Evans have been going out you're turning into a real prig.'

'Ha ha,' said James. 'Let's go, yeah?' He threw the cloak over his left arm and headed for his door and opened it, with Sirius close behind. James looked down the corridor in both directions, and then looked down at the blank piece of parchment. He pulled his wand from his pocket, tapped the parchment and said in a clear voice 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good'.

Lines appeared on the parchment, forming a map of the castle.

'Filch is in his office,' said Sirius. 'Probably tying one on, the drunk.'

'Let's go,' said James. He threw the cloak over his and Sirius's shoulders, and they vanished from sight. They crept carefully down the corridor, keeping their eyes peeled for Mrs. Brambles, Filch's ancient, mangy, decrepit looking cat. She was nowhere to be seen.

'Maybe she's finally kicked it,' Sirius whispered hopefully.

They reached the common room door and James muttered the password. James pulled off the Invisibility Cloak and followed Sirius through the portrait hole. For all James knew, Remus was upstairs, fast asleep. But this would not stop Sirius from waking Remus and dragging him along on yet another of their illicit nighttime jaunts to the restricted areas of the castle.

James was caught up in this line of thinking when he collided with Sirius, who had stopped walking and was staring across the room at the sofa. James came up next to him and stared for a moment at his friend, then followed Sirius's gaze to the couch. James felt his mouth drop open.

Remus was sitting on the couch, his profile facing them. He was shirtless, he was not alone, and he was very busy. The girl sitting on his lap was bouncing up and down rather exuberantly; she was

still dressed in her school uniform but her blouse was half open and Remus-when he wasn't kissing her on the mouth-was burying his face in her breasts. The sofa was creaking rhythmically.

James and Sirius looked at each other, each biting their lips to keep from laughing. They turned back to the sofa in time to see Remus lower Clarissa Strobridge onto her back onto the sofa.

'Mmm, Remus,' she moaned. 'You're such a _beast._'

'Clarissa,' he groaned. 'You dirty little girl.'

'Yes, yes, yes,' she gasped, pulling him down.

Remus fell onto her and the sounds of very heated snogging could be heard, along with renewed rhythmic creaking.

James fell to laughing silently, so hard that tears fell down his face, as he and Sirius crept quietly out of the common room and back into the corridor, both of them with their fists in their mouths to keep from laughing out loud.

**Chapter Nine: Revelations and Broken Ties**

'Has he asked you to be his girlfriend yet?' Clarissa asked, as she ran the brush through Lily's hair. They were sitting on her bed after dinner the following day.

'Not officially,' said Lily, blushing and feeling slightly defensive. 'I mean, technically, we've only gone on five dates.'

'Technically, you also happened to service him with your mouth,' Clarissa said sharply. 'I'd say that ought to qualify you for girlfriend status.'

'Clarissa,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'You make it sound so...cheap.'

'Sorry,' she said. 'You know I don't mean it that way. I still can't _believe_you let him get you off in

the library, though. That's _naught__y__,_Lil.'

'I know,' said Lily, and she giggled softly, but then lapsed into silence as Clarissa began to plait her hair. Part of her was uneasy. Why _hadn__'__t_James made it official between them? She had been rather shy and a bit distant with him this past week, of course, and his behavior to her had been nothing but respectful. Still, she rather wished James would just ask her. It would ease her mind a bit.

Clarissa was nearly finished with plaiting Lily's hair when a sharp knock sounded on her door.

'Who is it?' Lily called.

'It's Marianne,' came the muffled voice from the other side of the door.

'Coming,' said Lily; she allowed Clarissa to quickly tie the plait in place and rose from the bed to open the door.

Marianne charged in past Lily without even looking at her, and pointed at Clarissa.

'You!' she said indignantly. Clarissa stared. 'Me what?'

'Why didn't you tell me you were shagging Remus Lupin?' Marianne shrieked.

Clarissa blanched; Lily quickly slammed her door shut and turned to stare at Clarissa in shock.

'Clarissa?' said Lily. 'Is this true?'

Clarissa's face went from chalk-white to red in a flash. 'Er, well. Yes.'

'I can't believe it!' said Marianne, and she started to giggle hysterically as she threw herself on

Lily's bed. 'You and Remus! Why didn't you tell us?'

'H-how did you find out?' Clarissa asked weakly.

'Sirius told me,' said Marianne.

'How did he-'

'He and James saw you two going at it on the sofa in the common room the other night!'

'OH MY GOD!' Clarissa cried, burying her scarlet face in her hands.

'He and James _saw_them?' Lily gasped. 'But James never said anything to me about it!'

Clarissa looked up and gave Marianne a scathing look. 'That's because James has some respect for people's privacy! Oh my god. I can't believe Sirius and James saw-I'm so humiliated!'

'Oh, come off it,' said Marianne. 'They're not going to say anything, not about their best mate. And who am I going to tell? I could care less who you shag, 'Riss. What I want to know is how long this has been going on.'

'First of all,' said Clarissa heatedly, 'Remus and I are not simply "shagging," okay? We happen to be going out. It started over the summer.'

'And you didn't tell us?' said Lily, feeling just a bit hurt by this.

Clarissa looked at them both guiltily. 'Remus...didn't want to tell anyone. On account of his-' She broke off and gasped, as though she'd been about to spill something scandalous.

'On account of his what?' said Marianne.

'Does this have something to do with why he disappears all the time?' said Lily. 'With the reason he's sick so much?'

'He made me swear not to tell anyone!' said Clarissa desperately.

'Clarissa,' said Marianne warningly. 'It's us, remember?'

'Oh, all right,' she said miserably. 'But if I tell you, you have to swear on your lives that you won't tell a soul. I mean it. If it got out Remus would get chucked out of school.'

'Wow,' said Marianne. 'Sounds serious.'

'Come on, 'Rissa,' said Lily. 'Remus is the best student in the school; they'd never chuck him out.'

'If they knew the truth about him they would!' said Clarissa fiercely. 'Well, Dumbledore wouldn't, he knows all about it, but some of those other teachers might. And the Slytherins would have a field day, all of them writing to their parents about it and the parents would call the bloody Ministry of Magic and-'

'Clarissa,' said Marianne sharply. 'Calm down. Take a deep breath.'

Clarissa nodded; her eyes looked filmy with tears. She sat back against the pillows on the bed.

'We became friends last year,' she said. 'Not close mates or anything but friendly enough. He...he helped me with my homework sometimes. You know I'm dreadful at Potions, and that's one of his best subjects. Anyway, he wrote me over the summer and I wrote back and we just started writing and...and then he came to visit me and...and we sort of, er, fell in love. I guess.'

'You love him?!' Marianne breathed.

'Yeah,' said Clarissa. 'I do. And he loves me. Anyway, I always wondered why he seemed to be ill so much. Not like with flu or anything, but...tired and stuff. He finally told me at the end of the summer. He was so worried I'd freak out. He actually almost _cried_when he told me. I mean, I did freak out just a little-anyone would-but then I realized I didn't care all that much. I mean, he's still the same person and all.'

'What did he tell you?' Marianne asked, her eyes wide and unblinking.

'He's a...' Clarissa's voice drifted off. She cleared her throat a tried again. 'He's a...werewolf.'

'NO!' Lily and Marianne both gasped, and both clapped their hands over their mouths.

'You can't tell anyone!' Clarissa cried, and tears fell from her eyes now. 'I mean it! If anyone knew...you know how awful people are about...about werewolves. He's had to keep it a secret. The only people who know are the Marauders.'

'Sirius never told me,' said Marianne in amazement. 'Lil, did James-'

'No,' said Lily.

'They wouldn't have,' said Clarissa. 'They haven't told anyone.'

'But...but Clarissa,' said Lily. 'Werewolves are...they're dangerous. I mean, what happens to Remus when...where does he go-'

'The Shrieking Shack,' said Clarissa. 'He's been going there ever since he got to Hogwarts. That's why they planted the Whomping Willow there.'

'I don't understand,' said Marianne.

'There's this secret passage to the Shrieking Shack,' said Clarissa. 'You have to go under the Whomping Willow. Except that you know what happens when you get to close to it. But the Marauders know how to get past it. They sneak out of there every month on the evening of the full moon and take Remus there so he can...transform.'

'So that's what James meant,' said Lily reflectively. 'He told me he went there a lot with Sirius and

Remus and Peter. I thought it was to go get drunk on firewhisky or something.'

'But...but how can they be there with him when he transforms?!' cried Marianne. 'No offense, Clarissa, but Lily's right. Werewolves are dangerous. They attack humans all the time-'

'I know!' said Clarissa angrily. 'All right, I know! You think it's easy for Remus to know he's

dangerous once a month?'

'Sorry,' said Marianne, blushing and looking down.

'Look, Clarissa, Marianne...does have a point,' said Lily, feeling suddenly very worried about this entire situation. Not only for Clarissa and Remus, but for James as well. What was James thinking, hanging round a werewolf after he'd transformed?

'Yeah, well, werewolves aren't nearly so dangerous to other animals,' said Clarissa. 'Around other animals Remus stays relatively calm.'

'You're saying the Marauders grab themselves a couple of unicorns before they head into the

Shrieking Shack?' said Marianne incredulously.

'Marianne,' said Lily through gritted teeth.

'No,' said Clarissa. 'It just so happens that the other Marauders happen to be...Animagi.'

'WHAT?' Lily and Marianne both gasped.

'Wait a minute,' said Marianne. 'Sirius _never_told me this.'

'For the same reason he didn't tell you about Remus!' said Clarissa.

'But...but...' said Lily, flabbergasted, and more than a little miffed that James hadn't told her of this, but nonetheless impressed. 'Animagi are supposed to be registered with the Ministry of Magic.'

'I know that,' said Clarissa. 'They're unregistered. Don't you see? They're breaking a zillion rules and laws and it's to protect Remus. They've been doing it since their fifth year. It's the only way they can keep Remus from...from hurting himself.'

'Dear god,' said Lily.

Clarissa began to cry again. 'That's what so awful,' she said weepily. 'Remus hurts himself when he's...you know. Before the Marauders knew how to change into animals he'd be locked up all alone in that shack and would just...tear at himself.'

'That's horrible!' said Marianne. 'My god, Clarissa.'

'You said Dumbledore's always known about Remus's...condition,' said Lily. 'What does he have to say about three students who are illegal Animagi?'

'Not even Dumbledore knows about that,' said Clarissa. 'And you can't tell a soul. I mean it! The whole lot of them would be expelled and probably arrested.'

'Poor Remus,' said Marianne, sitting back heavily onto the bed. 'I never would have...wow.'

'I still don't understand why Remus didn't want to tell anyone about the two of you,' said Lily.

'He's trying to protect me,' said Clarissa. 'That's all.'

'I get it,' said Marianne. 'Wow, 'Riss. I mean...'

'Look, I don't care if you approve or not,' said Clarissa, steel in her voice. 'I love Remus and he loves me and that's the end of it. But you have to swear not to tell-'

'We won't tell anyone, we swear,' said Lily firmly, shooting a glance at Marianne.

'We swear,' Marianne added.

'You okay, Lil?'

Lily looked up from her Herbology essay to see James gazing at her. They were in the empty common room on a Sunday afternoon; they had planned to go on a date, but the weather had turned foul and they were forced indoors. The other Gryffindors seemed to have all decided to congregate

in the library or in deserted classrooms to practice spells and charms. Lily and James agreed that they needed to get some homework done, anyway, and decided to do that first, then take a long stroll round the castle later.

Lily met James's eyes for a moment, and then looked down. She was still in a slight state of shock. James was an Animagus. It was incredible, really. She'd always known he was a far cleverer wizard than his study habits suggested, but she'd never guessed he would master such a difficult kind of magic. Even more incredible, he'd done it by the age of fifteen. She'd _never_heard of that. _What__animal__did__he__transform__int__o_? she wondered.

Even more important was the fact that his being an Animagus without having registered himself

was highly illegal. A year ago she would have turned him in without a second thought, but now...she understood. Still, it unnerved her. He had always been a risk taker, but this? If he were caught he'd get thrown into Azkaban. She had vowed from the moment she set eyes on him after talking to Clarissa about Remus that she wouldn't breathe a word of James's own secret. On the other hand, she wanted him to tell her. She wanted him to trust her.

'I'm fine,' she said, smiling weakly at him. 'I just wish I didn't have so much homework. You know.'

'Yeah, I know,' said James, smiling at her and brushing the tip of her nose affectionately with the plume of his quill. 'But you don't seem to be making much progress,' he added, noting her nearly blank parchment. She looked down and saw that, indeed, she'd only managed to write two lines.

'Yes, well,' she said. 'I've had...a lot of my mind.'

'Have you?' he asked. 'Like what?'

She swallowed. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk right then, but he had become rather good at gauging her moods.

'James,' she said slowly, setting down her quill (she'd repaired it, but it wasn't quite the same). 'Is there anything you'd...like to tell me?'

James gave her a confused look, but something flashed in his eyes. Guilt? Fear?

'No,' he said, after a moment. 'Nothing.'

'Okay,' she said, feeling a pang in her chest. Why wouldn't he tell her? Surely he could trust her by now. She picked up her quill, feeling a bit dejected, and turned her attention to the very incomplete Herbology essay.

'Lil,' said James. 'Actually, er, there is something I've been meaning to ask you.' Lily looked up again, and felt a rush of anticipation.

'Yes?'

'Two things, actually,' he said. 'Er, you know, there's the Winter Ball coming up and, uh, I

thought...well, you and me should go together.'

'Oh,' she said, deflating just a bit, but she smiled. 'Of course. I'd love to.'

'Good,' he said, but he still looked nervous.

'And?' she prompted.

'What?'

'The other thing,' she said gently, 'you wanted to ask me.'

'Oh! Right,' he said, swallowing hard. He set down his Potions homework on the coffee table and moved closer to her on the sofa. 'Er...Lily.'

'Yes?' _Ask__me,__ask__me.__Please._

'So, er, you and I have been, er, well, dating for a bit now,' he said awkwardly.

'Three months,' said Lily.

'Yeah, three months,' said James, and his face was now scarlet. 'And, we've er, well...things have been really fantastic. I mean...our dates and...the other stuff...and, hell, even our rounds haven't been all that bad. But I was thinking...you know...maybe it's time...' His voice trailed off.

'Yes?' she repeated. _Ask__me,__dammit!_

'Be my girl?' he said, so quickly and so softly that she barely heard him. She couldn't resist making it just a bit difficult for him.

'What?'

James gave a kind of nervous sigh and said again, louder and more slowly, 'Be my girl.' It was no longer a question.

She gazed at him for a moment, as though studying his face. He looked so very nervous. So very sweet. And he'd asked her. What other answer could there be? She smiled.

'All right, then,' she said.

James let out a huge sigh of relief and grinned. 'Wow. That's...that's great, Lil.'

'I'm glad you asked,' she said, her smile growing a bit shy. 'So, does this mean...you're my boyfriend?'

'Yeah,' said James, moving closer to her. 'I s'pose it does, doesn't it?'

'I rather like the sound of that,' said Lily, moving closer to him.

He smiled a sexy kind of smile as he put his arms round her waist and pulled her close. 'Lil,' he whispered. 'My girl Lil.' He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her slowly, sweetly, deeply. Lily forgot all about everything else.

The following weekend Gryffindor played Hufflepuff in Quidditch and won, thanks in no small part to James's brilliant flying and scoring. Lily, who'd never been much of a Quidditch fan, was nonetheless very impressed with James's skill, and as she watched him fly, she couldn't help but lean over to Clarissa and Marianne and say, 'That's my boyfriend.' They all giggled.

After the match the Gryffindors trooped triumphantly back to the common room, where an impromptu party began. Lily managed to grab James just before she went back inside, and congratulate him; he hurried off to the changing rooms to shower and told her he'd meet her inside. She entered the castle feeling very good about things and decided to drop off her heavy cloak in her room before going to the party.

She entered her room and threw her cloak carelessly across her chair when she heard the tapping at her window. She looked up.

'Nimue,' she said softly, and she opened her window just long enough to let the brown owl-and a blast of frigid winter air-come in.

'What have you got for me, girl?' she asked, noticing the letters clamped in Nimue's beak. She took the letters and stroked Nimue's feathers, then frowned.

The letters were obviously meant for her. The first letter had only the words 'Lily Evans, Hogwarts'

written on it. The handwriting looked vaguely familiar. She tore open the envelope of the first letter and read it.

'_Lillian,_

'_I'm__getting__married__on__1__st__April__of__next__yea__r__.__His__name__is__V__ernon__Dursle__y__.__I__have__told__him__about__YOU,__about__what__a__WE__I__RDO__you__a__r__e,__but__I__thought__being__honest__with__him__would__be__best.__Needless__to__say__V__ernon__was__not__happy__to__learn__about__your__true__natu__r__e,__but__being__the__understanding__and__loving__man__he__is,__he__accepts__that__I__have__no__choice__in__who__happens__to__be__r__elated__to__me._

'_The__p__r__oblem__is__that__Mother__and__Daddy__a__r__e__r__efusing__to__pay__for__our__wedding.__They__don__'__t__like__V__ernon__because__he__da__r__es__to__be__NORMAL.__T__hey__don__'__t__like__him__because__he__da__r__es__to__disapp__r__ove__of__Perfect__Little__Lil__y__,__the__F__r__eaky__W__itch.__Th__e__y'__r__e__not__even__coming__to__the__wedding,__and__it__'__s__all__your__fault!__I__hope__you'__r__e__happ__y__.__Thanks__to__you__my__daddy__won__'__t__be__walking__me__down__the__aisle.__He__told__me__he'd__rather__eat__dung__than__give__me__away__to__that_

"_bigoted__oaf__of__a__fiancé."__**THIS IS**____**ALL**____**YOUR**____**F**__**AUL**__**T**__**.**_

'_Don__'__t__ev__e__n__think__of__coming__t__o__my__w__e__dding.__Don__'__t__bother__sending__me__a__gift.__I__don__'__t__even__want__well__wishes__f__r__om__you.__I__am__only__writing__to__you__to__let__you__know__that__f__r__om__this__moment__forwa__r__d__I__am__never__speaking__to__you__again.__I'm__certainly__not__going__to__be__telling__V__erno__n_'_s__family__about__your__true__natu__r__e;__it__'__s__humiliating._

'_Why__did__you__have__to__turn__out__to__be__such__a__FREAK?__If__you'd__just__been__normal__maybe__things__would__have__been__better__between__us.__As__it__is,____**I'D**____sooner__e__at__dung__than__associate__with__the__likes__of__you._

'_Good-bye,__and__good riddance__._

'_No__longer__your__siste__r__,_

'_Petunia.'_

Lily read the letter through twice, hot anger coursing through her veins. Anger and righteous indignation.

So Petunia was cutting her out completely, then? Fine. _Let__he__r__,_Lily thought savagely. _Let__her__go__and__marry__that__prat__Dursle__y__,__who__'__s__p__r__obably__ugly__and__stupid__and__rude__and__will__end__up__t__r__eating__her__like__dirt.__Let__her__live__in__a__boring__house__with__boring,__perfect__furnitu__r__e__and__a__boring,__perfect__car__and__a__boring__perfect__b__r__ood__of__brats._

Lily read the letter a third time, and felt her anger began to change to the sting of hurt and rejection. This was the only letter Petunia had ever written her in the entire time she'd been at Hogwarts. And it was a letter filled with venom and hatred. As she read the letter a fourth time, she could hear Petunia screaming the words at her, blaming her for causing the rift between Petunia and their parents.

Lily blinked back sudden tears and opened the second letter.

'_Dea__r__est__Lil__y__,_

'_Y__our__father__and__I__a__r__e__writing__to__let__you__know__that__we__have__had__a__falling__out__with__Petunia.__One__so__di__r__e__that__I__fear__she__is__severing__r__elations__with__us__permanentl__y__._

'_This__comes__as__a__r__esult__of__her__choice__to__marry__V__ernon__Dursle__y__,__a__man__who,__in__our__opinion,__is_

_brutish and beneath her. Unfortunately, Vernon holds many of the same narrow views as your sister, and your father and I find her engagement to him to be unacceptable. However, as Petunia is a grown woman now, we cannot and do not hold sway over her choices._

'_W__e__will__not__be__attending__the__wedding,__which__is__set__ f__or__April__1__st__of__next__yea__r__.__Petunia__has__moved__out__of__the__house__and__is__staying__with__Dursley__'__s__pa__r__ents.__It__has__caused__us__no__end__of__grief__to__lose__our__oldest__daughte__r__._

'_Please__understand__that__this__is__not__your__fault__(no__doubt__Petunia__will__try__to__blame__you).__W__e__tried__to__raise__you__both__with__a__sense__of__compassion__and__tolerance,__and__we__know__you__have__taken__those__lessons__to__heart.__W__e'll__never__understand__why__Petunia__has__not.__W__e__cannot__help__but__think__she__has__always__been_

_jealous of your special abilities._

_Y__eah,__righ__t_, thought Lily bitterly. _She__'__s__so__jealous__of__me__being__a__witch__she__calls__me__a__f__r__eak__every__other__minute._

'_In__any__event,__know__that__we__a__r__e__so__very__p__r__oud__of__you,__and__that__we__love__you,__and__the__rift__we__have__with__Petunia__now__will__never__change__that.__W__e__will__always__love__Petunia,__as__well,__and__hope__that__in__time__she__will__see__the__light__and__the__er__r__or__of__her__ways._

'_Love__always,_

'_Mum__and__Dad.'_

The tears that had stung Lily's eyes began to fall.

_Dammit._

Why was Petunia so hateful? Now she had broken completely from their parents, and blamed her for the break. Lily began to weep bitterly. She couldn't help who she was, anymore than Petunia could help being born without magic. Didn't Petunia understand that Hogwarts, that the magical world, was where Lily belonged? Why couldn't she accept it? Was Lily so different, so freakishly different from anyone else?

It had all started the day Lily got her letter. She and Petunia had been close, once. As little girls. Petunia was three years older but had always been the protective big sister. Until the letter came. Then Petunia became first distant, then downright hateful. Lily had never told her parents of the awful rows she and Petunia had had out of their earshot; they'd always maintained a kind of forced civility in front of Mr. and Mrs. Evans. Lily felt a kind of wrenching in her chest.

_My__own__sister__hates__me,_she thought. _Just__because__I'm__a__witch._

The anger returned.

_W__ell,__then,__bugger__her!_she thought, wiping tears from her face impatiently. _Nar__r__ow-minded__bitch!_

Lily couldn't remember feeling so furious in her life. So Petunia was going to blame her, Lily, for breaking up the family?

_I__don__'__t__think__s__o_. _It__'__s_her _bloody__fault.__I__am__what__I__am.__I__never__was__m__e__an__to__Petunia__for__being__a_

_Muggle. But she has to go and be a cow about me. Fine._

A knock on her door interrupted Lily's thoughts. She shoved the letters into her desk drawer.

'Lil, you coming to the party or not?' It was James.

'Coming!' she called. She glanced at her face; her eyes were a bit glassy and red from crying; she picked up her wand and gave it a wave, and the redness in her eyes vanished.

She opened the door and stepped out. James was freshly showered; his hair was still damp and sticking up all over the place. He smelled divine. She felt tears prick her eyes again.

'You okay, Lil?' he asked.

'Fine,' she said, kissing him quickly on the lips. 'Let's go to the party, shall we?'

'Right,' he said, grinning and offering his arm. They trooped down the hall together and entered the Gryffindor common room to find the party in full swing. Butterbeer bottles were in ample supply; Lily saw Marianne and Clarissa in a corner with Remus and Sirius. Peter was talking to a mousy- faced sixth year girl across the room. Lily noticed that Sirius and Remus were holding large mugs full of steaming butterbeer, but that Sirius had a small silver flask and was surreptitiously pouring something into the butterbeer. Marianne and Clarissa held up their mugs, and Sirius poured a bit of the liquid in the flask into their drinks.

'Lily, are you sure you're all right?' James asked. 'You seem a bit miffed about something.'

'Is Sirius spiking the butterbeer?' Lily asked, her eyes narrowed.

'Of course,' said James. 'You won't report him, will you?'

'No,' said Lily, taking James's hand and crossing the room. She grabbed a mug and a bottle of butterbeer from the coffee table and marched straight over to her two best friends and Sirius and Remus, James right behind her.

'Hi,' she said, giving Sirius a knowing look.

'Aw, you're not going to give me a detention, are you Evans?' said Sirius, grinning mischievously as he took a big swig of his spiked butterbeer.

Lily paused. Should she do it? She'd never touched alcohol in her life. But she was feeling angry and rebellious and hurt and upset. Clarissa and Marianne looked tipsy and happy. Lily wanted to be tipsy and happy, too.

'I won't report you,' she said, glancing at James, 'if you share a bit of what's in that flask with me.' Sirius, Marianne, Clarissa and Remus all laughed out loud.

'Whoa!' said Sirius. 'Sounds like the Head Girl's loosening up a bit.'

Lily scowled as she poured her butterbeer into the mug. 'Yes, yes, whatever. Just pour a little of that stuff in, would you?'

'Lily, are you sure you should?' James asked in a low voice, leaning close to her. He looked rather concerned for her.

'Why not?' said Lily, affecting a light smile. 'I've always been curious about trying it.'

'Well, all right,' said James, 'but take it easy. Firewhisky's strong stuff.'

'I will,' said Lily, as Sirius poured a measure of the liquid into her butterbeer.

**Chapter Ten: Hangovers and Painful Truths**

James staggered down the corridor, his arm round Lily's waist. She was deadweight against him;

her head was lolling back and forth and she was mumbling incoherently. She was drunk as hell.

James cursed himself for the tenth time that night. He shouldn't have let her drink the firewhisky. From the moment she'd met him outside her room, before the party, he knew something was wrong. She was in some kind of bad mood, and she'd chosen to numb it with booze. Always a bad idea.

But for one who-he was quite certain-had never had so much as a sip of wine, it was even worse.

'Where we going?' Lily mumbled, her head falling against his shoulder.

'I'm taking you to bed,' said James, hoisting her up again.

'Mmm, goodie,' she whispered, and she started to nibble on his ear. James shivered and bit his lip.

_Per__v__,_he thought. _She__'__s__completely__smashed__and__he__r__e__you__a__r__e__enjoying__what__she__'__s__doing._

He forced himself to turn his head away and take his ear out of her reach; she didn't seem to notice and her head dropped forward again.

'Okay,' he said, feeling a bit breathless as they stopped in front of her door.

'Can't go in here, James,' Lily mumbled, her words very slurred. 'You...don't know...pashword...'

'Sugar Quill,' James muttered. The door opened. He started forward, but then stopped. What if the door had some kind of jinx on it, such as the stairs leading up to the girl's dormitory? Some shrieking alarm could go off if James tried to step across the threshold to her room, and Filch would find them. The image of James dragging a very drunk Head Girl into her room-a place James knew boys were never supposed to go-would hardly be a good one for Filch to see.

'Don't feel good,' Lily said, her head dropping back, and indeed, her face had taken on the slightest green tinge.

_On__the__other__hand,_James thought, _Lily__th__r__owing__up__in__the__corridor__wouldn__'__t__be__good,__eithe__r__._

He'd risk it.

He stepped across the threshold and into her room, half-carrying her inside. Nothing happened. He let out a sigh of relief and paused long enough to note that her room was decorated with all sorts of feminine things and was immaculately clean.

'Don't feel good,' Lily repeated. 'Gonna be shick...'

'Oh, boy,' said James, and he quickly shut the door behind him and carried her to her bathroom.

'James...' she said, moaning, her face now alarmingly green.

He set her down as gently as he could next to the toilet, and just managed to pull her hair out of the way as she leaned over and vomited into the toilet. A lot.

James grimaced as she retched into the toilet, one arm draped across the toilet seat, her forehead pressed against her arm. She was moaning now.

He moved closer to her, trying to ignore the rank smell of sickness, and began to rub her back, still holding her hair out of the way. Her shoulders began to shake.

'Lil,' he whispered, alarmed. 'You all right? Should we...go to Madam Pomfrey?'

Normally he wouldn't have suggested this, but her shaking shoulders scared him. Good lord, how much had she had to drink?

But she looked up at him and he saw that she was crying. Sobbing.

'Hates me,' she said miserably. 'My shishter...hates me...'

'What?' he asked softly. But she leaned forward again and vomited once more. He bit his lip. She was a mess. In the worst kind of state, really. Emotional and sick at the same time.

'What's wrong, Lil?' he asked, rubbing her back.

'Petunia,' Lily moaned. 'Hates me. Wrote me...today...I'm a freak...'

Lily began to cry harder; James was now very alarmed. He had half a mind to pick her up, jump into her fireplace and Floo her to St. Mungo's.

She lifted her head again; her face was streaked with tears. James reached up and grabbed the washcloth from her sink and gently wiped her face with it.

'You okay?' he asked, hoping against hope that she wouldn't puke again.

Lily cried silently for a moment, then sank against him and bawled. _Good__lo__r__d,_thought James. _Now__what__do__I__do?_

'Shh,' he whispered, putting his arms round her and stroking her hair. 'It's okay, Lil. It's okay.' He reached up to put the toilet lid down, and flushed.

'Not okay,' she sobbed. 'My fault...'

She was making no sense at all. He did the only thing he could think of: he gathered her in his arms and picked her up off the cold tile floor and carried her into the bedroom. He set her down gently on the bed; she sat up, but swayed back and forth a bit. Since throwing up she seemed to be a bit less wobbly, and her color no longer looked green, but instead rather flushed.

'Hates me,' she said again. 'Wrote me a letter...'

'What's wrong, Lil?' he asked again, kneeling down in front of her, stroking her face with his

hands.

'Wrote letters,' she said, throwing up a hand and gesturing weakly at her desk. 'Hates me...'

James stood up and turned to see two letters on Lily's neatly arranged desk. His eyes scanned both letters quickly, and he felt his heart sink.

No wonder she was in such a state. He felt a rush of anger at her sister. The mean, cold-hearted bitch! How could anyone think that about Lily? And now here she was, drunk and miserable and sick and crying and blaming herself for something she'd had nothing to do with.

'My fault,' Lily moaned, sobbing again.

'No, Lily,' said James, and he knelt down and drew her into his embrace. He held her for a while, stroking her hair as she cried. Poor thing.

She pulled back after a while. 'James,' she said, her words a bit steadier now, 'do you think I'm a freak?'

James laughed softly. 'No way,' he said. 'You're Lily. You're my special girl.'

'Really?'

'Really,' he said. 'Only now you're my special very drunk girl.'

She giggled. 'I am rather drunk,' she said, grinning. Her eyes were slightly out of focus. 'Few too many drinkies.'

'A few,' said James, grinning. 'You're going to be hurting tomorrow, you know.' Lily scoffed and swayed a bit. 'From a few wee drinkies? Nah.'

'Those wee drinkies were firewhisky, love,' he said. 'Trust me, you're in for one hell of a hangover.'

'Thirshty,' said Lily. Of course. She was probably horribly dehydrated.

'I'll get you a glass of water,' he whispered. He kissed the tip of her nose, relieved that she seemed to be feeling better. He grabbed the water glass from her desk, went into the bathroom and filled it. He paused at the sink, his mind playing over what had happened in the past half hour.

He marveled at how different he felt. A year ago he would have used Lily's drunkenness to his advantage, but now all he could think about was taking care of her, making sure she was okay. He felt indignant and angry at this sister of hers, who would be so cruel. He looked in the mirror and saw how very tired he looked.

He left the bathroom and went back into Lily's bedroom, and stopped halfway to the bed.

She was asleep. She had flopped over to her side, her face mashed into her pillow, and was snoring very lightly. Her legs were hanging off the side of the bed. She was quite clearly passed out.

James swallowed. He was still a bit uneasy. He wasn't sure he should let her just sleep like that. What if something happened? Perhaps he should wake her up and put a Sobering Charm on her. Except that he wasn't particularly good at Sobering Charms, and she looked rather peaceful.

_Face__it,_he thought. _Y__ou'll__just__have__to__stay__he__r__e__tonight__and__make__su__r__e__she__'__s__oka__y__._

The first thing he had to do was get her into bed properly. He set down the full water glass and bent down, lifting her legs by the ankles and placing them gently on the bed, careful not to let his eyes roam over her legs as the skirt hitched up a bit.

She sighed in her sleep and turned over onto her back. James sat on the foot of the bed and pulled off her Mary Jane shoes and set them on the floor beside the desk.

_Now__what?_he thought. He should probably remove her robes; they'd get hot and uncomfortable

before long. He swallowed again and moved up next to her on the bed, then slowly unfastened her robes. He lifted her up gently; she sighed again but hung limply in his arms as he slid the robes off her shoulders.

_Her__tie,_he thought_.__The__tie__can__come__o__f__f._He undid the tie and slid it from round her neck.

James gathered up her robes and tie and folded them neatly, then set them on the desk. He looked down at her again.

She was now lying still on her back, breathing gently. Her hands were folded across her, one resting on her chest, the other on her stomach. Her hair was spread out on the pillow. Her lips were slightly open. She looked like an angel.

He brushed a strand of red hair from her face and decided he ought to get her beneath the covers. He lifted her gently again-she didn't wake-and pulled the covers up and over her, then arranged her carefully as before. She sighed again and curled onto her side, finding his hand and clasping it with hers, but she didn't wake.

He bent down again and looked at her face. _So__beautiful,_he thought. A part of him was tempted, so very tempted, to lie down next to her and hold her all night, but he didn't quite trust his body to cooperate. Instead he kissed her softly on the forehead and loosed his hand from her weak grip, then sat on her desk chair. He arranged her robes into a pillow and leaned forward onto it, feeling sleep steal over him.

Just as he closed his eyes he heard her murmur, 'Love you, James.'

The sun poured into the room the next morning, but it so warmed James as it filtered through the window onto him that he didn't wake for a while. It was only when he felt a throbbing, desperate pain begin to shoot up his back that he sat up, blinking.

Lily's room. He was in Lily's room. He groaned at the stiffness in his back and neck; sleeping at a desk wasn't something he'd ever do again, even if he had slept rather well and had had pleasant dreams.

Every dream he'd had, Lily was in. But the most pleasant dream of all was when she'd told him she loved him.

He looked over at Lily. She was now tangled up in the bed, still wearing her school uniform. Her left arm was flung over her eyes, blocking out the intruding light of the sun. James blinked and remembered.

He hadn't been dreaming when she'd said she loved him. No, he'd only been about to fall asleep. He swallowed. _Dear__god._Lily had told him she loved him.

_She__was__passed__out,_he thought. _She__couldn__'__t__have__meant__it.__And__even__if__she__did,__she__'__s__not__going__to__r__emember__telling__me.__So...it__doesn__'__t__mean__anything,__does__it?_

Lily moaned and squirmed beneath the bed.

'Ow,' she groaned. 'Ow, ow, ow.'

'Good morning,' he said, grinning.

Lily flung her arm out of her face and lifted her head.

'James?'

'Hey,' he said, crossing to the bed and sitting down on it next to her.

'What...what are you doing here?' she asked.

'Making sure you woke up,' he said.

'What happened?' she said. 'My head..._o__w_. Feels like it's been beaten by a troll...'

'You're hungover, love,' he said, grinning. 'Very hungover.'

'Hungover?' she said, then she seemed to remember. 'Oh, god. Firewhisky. She turned to her side, clutching her head. 'Please...tell me...ow...I didn't do anything stupid.'

'Oh, you were doing a strip tease on the coffee table in the common room,' said James, chuckling. Her head shot up, and she winced. 'I was not,' she said, her eyes full of fear.

'All right, you weren't,' he said. 'But you did have a lot to drink.' She moaned again. 'I feel horrible.'

'You would,' he said, leaning over her and brushing her hair out of her eyes. 'I tried to tell you last night, a firewhisky hangover's a bitch. But you were a bit out of it.'

'My throat hurts,' she said. He reached over to her desk and fetched the water glass.

'Drink this,' he said. 'You're dehydrated.'

She took it and started to gulp it greedily, then coughed.

'Sips, love,' he said. 'Take little sips.'

She nodded, screwing up her face, and began to sip the water slowly.

'You sound like you have experience with this,' she said.

'More than I'd like, yeah,' he said.

'God,' she said, shoving the half-empty glass in his hand and flopping back down on the bed.

'James...did you...I mean...we didn't...'

'No,' said James firmly. 'No. I brought you back here. You were in no condition to do much of anything, I'm afraid.'

'Did I make a complete arse of myself?' she asked miserably. 'I'll bet I did. God, I'm the Head

Girl!'

'Lil, it's okay,' said James, grinning. 'You had a bit too much to drink, that's all. Happens to the best of us.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm sure,' he said. She smiled, as if reassured, but then her eyes became confused.

'Hang on,' she asked. 'How did you get in here? You don't know my password.'

'Actually, I do,' he said sheepishly. 'I overheard you one time.'

'Oh,' she said. 'How...how come you never...I mean...'

'Why have I never burst into you room at two a.m. for a snog session?' said James, grinning.

'Because this is your space, Lil. I don't invade my girl's space unless she invites me to. Or unless she's too drunk to stand.'

'I was too drunk to stand?' she said, horrified.

'Pretty much,' he said.

'And...and you brought me back here,' she said slowly, 'and took care of me?'

James blushed. 'Well, yeah. I mean, you were in a bad way. You were sick and, er, crying. Somebody had to make sure you got through the night in one piece.'

'You stayed with me...all night?' she said.

'Yeah,' he said. 'You know, in case...in case you needed anything.' Her eyes wandered to her desk.

'You slept at my desk?' she said, sounding a bit amazed.

'Well, yeah,' he said. 'Not the most comfortable place to sleep but it was okay.'

'Oh,' she said, and she blushed. 'I mean...why...didn't you just, um, sleep next to me?' He blushed again. 'I didn't want to risk it,' he said, looking down.

'Oh,' she said again, in a very soft voice. 'James.'

He looked up. Her hair was tangled, her eyes were tired and bloodshot, her clothes were wrinkled. She was a mess, and she was still the prettiest sight he'd ever seen.

'Yeah?'

'Thanks,' she said reaching out her hand and taking his. 'For taking care of me.'

'You bet,' he said, smiling. 'Listen, I'm really sorry. About...about your sister.' She blinked and nodded. 'Yes, well...it can't be helped.'

'She's mad, you know, your sister,' he said, taking her other hand in his. 'I think you're wonderful.' She smiled and went red in the face again.

'So wonderful I drowned my sorrows in firewhisky,' she said sheepishly. 'I must look a sight.'

'You look gorgeous,' he said, grinning.

'Liar,' she said. 'I feel like hell.'

'Just be glad it's a Sunday,' he said. 'You can spend all day in bed getting better.'

'No, I can't,' she said. 'I really should get up. I have so much to do...'

She sat up in bed and then held her head in her hands. Her face went just a bit green.

'Oh, god,' she moaned.

'Let me guess,' he said sympathetically. 'The room is spinning.'

'Yes,' she cried miserably. 'I'm never drinking again!' James laughed. 'That's what everyone says.'

'Yes, well, I mean it,' she said, swallowing hard. The green tinge in her face faded. She looked at him and smiled.

He swallowed. He had to ask.

'Lil,' he said slowly. 'Do you...remember anything about last night?'

'Why?' she asked. 'Did I do something stupid? Please tell me!'

'No, I swear you didn't,' he said. 'I just...wondered if you remembered. That's all.'

She frowned and looked down. 'No,' she said. 'I don't even remember leaving the party. Is that horrible?'

James shook his head. 'No, it's not,' he said, forcing a smile. 'But let that be a lesson to you, love. Take it easy on the firewhisky.'

'I told you, _never__agai__n_,' she said. He laughed and hugged her, grateful that she'd come out of the evening with nothing more than a bad hangover. She'd be okay.

But a small, nagging part of his heart ached with the knowledge that she hadn't remembered telling him that she loved him.

'Are you all right, Lil?'

Clarissa watched Lily through narrowed eyes. They were sitting in her room on a Sunday evening, supposedly studying. Except that Lily had been staring at the wall for the past five minutes.

'Hello!' Clarissa called. 'Earth to Evans! Are you there?'

'What?' said Lily, startled out of her reverie. 'Oh, yes. Sorry.'

'What's up, Lily?' said Clarissa, rolling up her Charms parchment and sealing it with a tap of her wand. 'You've been really distracted this week. There's nothing wrong with you and James, is there?'

'No,' said Lily quickly. 'No, things are lovely with James. It's just...' There was a moment's silence, and then Clarissa spoke gently.

'Just what?'

'I think...I might be in love with him,' said Lily slowly, and to her horror, a lump rose in her throat. She fought it down.

'It's a nice feeling, isn't it?' said Clarissa, smiling.

'I guess,' said Lily. 'I mean, it would be if I knew he felt the same way. He hasn't exactly told me or anything. Why doesn't he tell me?'

'Because he's a man and men take forever to work that stuff out in their heads,' said Clarissa. 'Took Remus months to finally blurt it out to me. Blokes are funny that way. Especially _these_blokes. I mean, nothing much scares them, does it? They break rules all the time and do dangerous stuff and everything, but when it comes to talking to a girl about emotional things they tend to panic, don't they?'

'That's another thing,' said Lily. 'Why hasn't James told me about, you know, the whole deal with

Remus?'

'He'll tell you,' said Clarissa. 'He just needs time, that's all.'

'It's been almost four months,' said Lily, a bit petulantly. 'You think he'd be able to trust me by now.'

'If I were you I'd be more concerned with why that boy hasn't repaid the favor you did him after that dirty little incident you two had in the library,' said Clarissa firmly.

'Clarissa, please,' said Lily, rolling her eyes, but blushing again all the same.

'I'm serious, Lil,' she said. 'It's past time for him to, you know, satisfy you in that way.'

'I don't know,' said Lily. 'It just seems so...embarrassing.'

'You're cracked,' said Clarissa, shaking her head. 'You put your face in his crotch but he can't do the same to you?'

'Clarissa!'

'There's nothing embarrassing about it,' said Clarissa firmly. 'Well, okay. It's a little bit embarrassing at first. But give him ten or fifteen seconds down there and you forget about being embarrassed.'

'Is it _r__eally_that good?' Lily asked.

'Well, multiply the orgasm you had in the library by about a hundred times and that should give you a good idea,' said Clarissa, pulling out another piece of parchment and turning her attention to her Potions homework.

Lily swallowed. 'Wow.'

Friday night rolled around with a howling wind outside that rattled the windows. Lily was tired and cranky; she'd been so busy this week she'd had no time at all to spend with her friends or with James. He, too, was swamped.

The only time alone they shared was during their rounds, but both were so exhausted from their hectic schedules that they barely managed a half- hearted kiss or two at the end of it (Lily was adamant that they not snog at all during rounds, and for this week, at least, James cooperated).

The day started out grey and heavy, but by afternoon, the sun broke through and the sky cleared. Not that the sun brought with it the slightest warmth. Lily thought her feet might freeze off while walking the short distance from the castle to the greenhouses for Herbology. She spent half the lesson warming her feet with her wand, and was so tired and distracted that when Professor Sprout called on her to answer a simple question, she was at a loss to find the answer. The Slytherins took great delight in Lily's uncharacteristic inability to answer a homework question and sniggered at her, and Professor Sprout gave her a very disapproving look. The one upshot was that Lily lost no house points, but by the end of the lesson Lily was only more disgruntled.

Then there was the fact that today, James was incredibly terse during lessons and mealtimes, hardly saying two words to her. When Lily asked, he only replied that he was tired and didn't feel all that well, but Lily didn't buy it. He didn't _look_sick; perhaps a bit tired round the eyes, but his color was good and when she'd managed to touch his hand a few times, the skin wasn't hot, nor was it cold and clammy.

She made a point to ask James what was wrong at dinner, and was on her way toward her room to drop off her books when she saw James exiting his room. He was carrying his school bag and it looked rather heavily stuffed with something. Something that did not look like it could be books. For reasons she did not fully understand, she ducked quickly behind a statue of an old witch and peered out from behind it.

He hadn't seen her, even as he glanced quickly down the corridors in all directions. He hurried off. Lily wasn't sure just why she didn't call out to him. He was up to something, that much was obvious. What could it be?

She reached her room, feeling confused and a bit annoyed, when she saw the folded note pinned to her door.

She pulled the note from her door and opened it. A message was scrawled inside; she recognized the handwriting at once.

'_Lil,_

'_I'm sick today; feel like hell. Going to bed early. Think you can manage rounds by yourself tonight? Sorry this is so last minute. I'll make it up_

_to you._

'_James.'_

Lily felt her insides burn with anger. What was he on about?

_Sick,__my__eye,_she thought.

'Sugar Quill,' she muttered tightly, and stormed into her room. She didn't appreciate this one bit. He'd never missed rounds before. And she didn't believe for one second that he was sick. She'd just seen him leaving his room! Did he think she was stupid?

She threw her books down angrily on her bed and sat heavily in her desk chair, her eyes half- heartedly scanning the surface, then the wall against which the desk stood. Her eyes glanced over the calendar, then to her clock, then back to the calendar. She gasped.

'Full moon,' she said aloud. Of course. Remus. He was a werewolf. He was going to the Shrieking Shack so he could safely transform. James, Sirius and Peter were going there, too. James wasn't sick. He was sneaking off-grounds with his friends to the Shack, where they would all change into animals of some sort.

Lily felt another flash of anger.

_He__could__have__told__me__the__truth,_she thought bitterly. _Why__doesn__'__t__he__just__bloody__well__tell__me?__Mo__r__e__to__the__point,__how__on__earth__does__he__expect__to__just__waltz__ac__r__oss__the__school__g__r__ounds__without_

_being__seen?__And__just_how _is__he__going__to__get__past__the__W__homping__W__illow?__Nobody__can__get__within__ten_

_feet of that tree without getting smacked with a branch. But James and his three mates are going to walk right past it without any ado?_

She looked at her watch and realized dinner would be starting soon. But she wasn't hungry. She wasn't much of anything but angry. Angry, because James was taking a huge risk. Getting caught sneaking off the grounds was the least of his worries. Whatever Clarissa had said about Remus, there was no getting round the simple truth that werewolves were dangerous.

Lily's attempts to study became half-hearted, and her anger began to mix with worry. She didn't know if she could stand James getting hurt. Did he intend to stay out all night?

The hours ticked by and Lily soon realized that she had to do rounds.

'Bloody hell,' she said aloud. She was likely to run into Filch at some point on rounds and he would almost certainly ask her questions. The only thing she could do was lie and say that James was in

his room, sleeping, because he felt very sick. But it was a lie that Filch was unlikely to believe, and why not? James hadn't done much to endear himself to the caretaker.

With another sigh Lily smoothed her robes and began her rounds. It was the longest hour of her life. She hated wandering the huge castle by herself; it was creepy. As expected, she saw Filch, this time on the fifth floor corridor near a boy's loo. He was huffing along indignantly, favoring his bad leg. Lily made to turn the corner, hoping to slip away unnoticed, but Filch's cat, Mrs. Brambles, suddenly appeared in front of her and mewed.

'Oi, you there!' Filch yelled. 'Evans! Seen Peeves?'

Lily took a deep breath and turned, willing herself to stay calm and look collected.

'No, Mr. Filch, I haven't,' she said.

'What about the Bloody Baron?'

'Probably in the dungeons, where he usually is,' said Lily, unable to keep the edge out of her voice.

'Now, see here, missy—wait a minute,' Filch said, his eyes narrowing. 'Where's Potter?'

'Potter?'

'Don't play dumb, girl,' Filch sneered. 'It don't suit you. I'm talkin' about that sod Head Boy.'

'He's sick,' said Lily, putting on her most serious expression.

'Sick?'

'Very,' said Lily. 'It's his stomach. He told me he was turning in early, so I imagine he's asleep.'

'Oh, you imagine?' said Filch. 'Well, if he's sick, I guess I'd best be checkin' up on him. Dumbledore wouldn't want his Head Boy feeling poorly. If you'll excuse me, I'll just go pop my head into Potter's room and make sure he hasn't died.'

Lily felt herself begin to panic.

'You know his password?' she blurted.

'No,' said Filch impatiently, 'but if I know Potter it's probably something nasty and juvenile, like Troll Bogey or Breaking Wind or something else to do with bodily functions. Shouldn't be too hard to figure out, I wager.'

Lily cringed. James's password was 'Dungbomb', which suddenly seemed incredibly obvious. Filch would figure that out in about two minutes!

'Actually,' she said quickly, 'I think he's in the hospital wing, now that I think of it. He was looking…very green earlier and I told him he should see Madam Pomfrey, and…well, you know how she is. James is probably sleeping there tonight. I mean…if I were you, I'd check there first.'

'You would, would you?' said Filch, narrowing his eyes again. 'Well, maybe I will do that. Poppy's the honest sort; unlike _some_people here she doesn't go about covering up for students who are breaking rules.'

He gave her a penetrating look before he snorted and limped off, with Mrs. Brambles in tow, towards the staircase leading to the hospital wing.

Lily let out a breath.

'Damn you, James,' she muttered. By her estimate, she had about ten minutes to reach James's room before Filch did, assuming Filch did indeed go straight to the hospital wing instead of going

to the Head Boy's room first. Lily forgot about rounds and raced down the opposite staircase, nearly tripping over her robes as she went.

She reached James's door, muttered 'Dungbomb' (it really was a _juvenile_password), and the door clicked softly open. She slipped inside and shut the door behind her.

As expected, his bed was unoccupied. It was unmade, and there were clothes and books strewn haphazardly all over the place.

'Slob,' she muttered, and was just starting to pick up some of his robes when a loud banging sounded on the door. She gasped and jumped.

'Potter, you in there?'

Filch. He sounded furious, which meant he'd already gone to the hospital wing and talked to

Madam Pomfrey.

Lily panicked. Dear god, what if he got inside?

She pulled out her wand and made to do a Sealing Charm on the door—thinking at once that James was incredibly stupid not to have done this himself—when she stopped herself. Filch would see the glow of magic on the door if she did the charm, which would indicate to Filch that James was awake and trying to keep him from coming inside. Knowing Filch, the caretaker would summon Dumbledore and they'd come in to find Lily in there and James missing…

Lily put her wand away and tried to come up with some other brilliant idea, when she heard Filch begin rattling off words, all of them having to do with private bodily functions and their associated odors.

Lily pulled out her wand again, resolved. She'd just do a Memory Charm on Filch. Of course! But what if, in her panic, she didn't make the charm strong enough? What if she screwed up the wand motion? Worse, what if she made the charm _too_strong and wiped out Filch's memory completely? Then she'd be in huge trouble and Filch would wind up in the Spell Damage ward of St. Mungo's and Lily might go to Azkaban for assaulting a school employee…

'Dungbomb!'

The door clicked open.

Memory Charms forgotten, Lily dove into James's bed, shoved her wand under the pillow and pulled the covers up over her head.

'Potter?'

She gave a loud, theatrical snore and hoped that Filch couldn't hear her pounding heart.

_Go__awa__y__,_she thought. If he pulled the covers back, she was done for. James was done for. She prayed she'd managed to cover her hair completely.

'Potter?' Filch said again.

Lily felt, rather than heard, the caretaker take a few steps toward the bed. She snorted out loud and turned on her side, pulling the covers over herself tightly, and muttered something unintelligible, in a deep voice, then began the rhythmic snoring again.

'Damn,' said Filch. Lily held her breath as the caretaker backed out of the bedroom and out the door. She heard the door click into place. She didn't move. She hardly breathed.

A full five minutes passed before she pulled the covers down. Filch was gone.

Lily leapt out of James's bed-noticing that it smelled rather pleasantly of him. But enough of that, she thought, and still very angry with him, she aimed her wand for the door.

'_Colloportus,'_she said firmly, and the door sealed itself with a thick, squelching noise.

Her heart was still hammering and she was now full of adrenaline. She looked round the messy room and did the only thing she could think to do. She cleaned.

She picked up his clothes and began to fold the ones that smelled clean and toss the ones that didn't smell so fresh into a hamper near his closet. She made the bed. She did it all the Muggle way, because it allowed her to occupy her shaking hands.

She did this in a kind of manic state, working so quickly that the room was thoroughly put together again in less than twenty minutes. She looked at the bedside clock. Nearly two in the morning. She decided to take a look at the bathroom, rather hoping that he'd made a mess in there, as well, so that she could occupy her time cleaning it up.

The bathroom was messy. A few damp towels on the floor. His toothbrush and toothpaste and shaving stuff all spread out over the sink. She used her wand to dry the towels and hang them neatly on the towel bar, then put his meagre toiletries back into the medicine cabinet over the sink.

On impulse, she pointed her wand at the bathroom and said '_Scou__r__gif__y__,'_and the room scoured itself clean and very soon sparkled and smelled vaguely of citrus-scented chemicals.

She looked at the clock again. Three a.m. She looked out the window. Dawn was at least two hours off, if not more. Would Remus transform back to himself then? How did they plan on getting back without being seen?

She sat in his desk chair. She stood. She paced. The minutes went by, slowly, slowly. She was exhausted, and a few times she lay down on the bed, only to get up again a few minutes later. There was no way for her to sleep, not when James was out there, doing god knew what.

Four a.m. Five a.m. Half past five. The sky was lightening now, going from inky blue-black to dark grey-blue. Quarter to six. The sunlight streamed through the trees. Lily had spent the past half hour staring out James's window, which afforded a perfect view of the grounds leading to the Whomping Willow. Where the _hell_was James?

She blinked, and squinted. Movement. Something was moving near the Whomping Willow.

_But__that__'__s__mad,_she thought. _The__r__e__'__s__nothing__down__the__r__e._

And there wasn't, and yet that nothing was making footprints in the snow. Lots of footprints, and they were human footprints.

It had to be James. It had to be them. But how had they managed to make themselves invisible? Invisibility Spells were extremely difficult to do. James or Remus might be able to manage it, but Peter Pettigrew? Sirius?

She turned back to the window in time to see the footprints move steadily toward the front entrance of the castle; she noticed that the footprints behind were quickly fading.

She turned from the window again and began to pace once more. James would be back soon. What would he say when he found her in his room?

_I__don__'__t__ca__r__e,_she thought hotly. _He__'__s__going__to__talk__t__o__me__whether__he__likes__it__or__not._

A few more minutes passed. Lily must have sat down in the desk chair and stood up again a dozen times before she distinctly heard James's voice outside the door.

'Dungbomb,' he said. The lock didn't click. Lily remembered she'd sealed the door, but didn't bother to unseal it. Let him wonder about it. Let him be surprised.

She heard him say '_Alohomora,'_heard the door click open, heard and saw him come in. She froze. His eyes met hers almost at once.

'L-Lily?' he stammered, his hazel eyes wide. He was wearing jeans, a heavy jumper, winter boots, his school robes, and his heaviest cloak. Another cloak was draped over his arm.

'James,' she said, feeling her anger return.

'What are you...how did you...what's going on?' he stammered. His hair was very messy. Despite the cold, his face was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. His clothes were dirty.

'You must be feeling better,' Lily said, trying to keep her voice steady. 'At least, well enough to go sneaking off the grounds all night.'

James stared at her. For a moment it looked as though he might try to lie to her, to make up some excuse about where he'd been, but then he seemed to realize she was having none of it. His shoulders sagged.

'I'm sorry about not doing rounds with you,' he said dully. Lily gaped at him.

_Rounds?!_That's _what__he__'__s__apologising__for?__Not__for__lying__t__o__m__e__,__for__keeping__sec__r__ets__f__r__om__me,__for__making__me__worry__like__mad,__but__for__missing_rounds_?_

She took a deep breath. The only way, she realized, she was going to get him to tell her the truth was to confront him with what she knew. All of it.

'I know everything,' she said forcefully. 'All of it, James. I know about Remus. I know he's a werewolf. I know you're an Animagus. I know that once a month the four of you go into the Shrieking Shack and hide out and wait for Remus to transform. I know that's where you were tonight. What I don't know, what I don't understand is why you lied to me.'

James sighed and his shoulders sagged even more. 'Lily, listen-'

'No, you listen,' said Lily, hating that her voice began to shake. 'We've been together almost four months now, James. In case you hadn't noticed, I've been breaking more than my share of rules with you. I've given you every reason to trust me, and you didn't. And tonight I had to cover up for you to Filch, which I do not appreciate in the least. But that's not the worst of it. I can certainly understand why you don't want people to know about Remus or any of the rest of it. What really..._chaps__my__ars__e_, thank you, is that you think I'm so stupid that I wouldn't figure all this out.'

James stared at her, and Lily was immensely satisfied to see that he looked just a bit scared.

'You figured this out?' said James. The question was not what she had expected. Grovelling,

pleading and apologies were what she had expected. Not a question, and not _that_question. She blinked and shook her head.

Of course she hadn't _r__eally_figured it out. She might have eventually-she was clever enough-but the fact was that Clarissa had been the one to tell her everything. Could she admit this? Wouldn't it be selling her best friend out to confess?

_Hypocrite,_she thought. _Y__ou'__r__e__bitching__at__him__about__lying__to__you__and__you'__r__e__thinking__right__this__second__of__lying__to__him._

'No,' she said, lifting her chin. 'Clarissa told me.'

James groaned and rolled his eyes. 'Great. Just bloody great.'

'Oh, for heaven's sake, James, I'm not going to tell anyone!' Lily said, annoyed. 'I've known about this for a few weeks already, all right? And I haven't said a word about it.'

'You've known?' said James, and it was his turn to look affronted. 'Then why the bloody hell didn't you say something?'

'Because I was rather hoping you'd tell me yourself,' said Lily, feeling slightly defensive.

'Well, excuse me for not telling you,' said James, his temper rising along with his voice. 'For your information, I didn't tell you because a) it's none of your damn business what's up with Remus and b) I was trying to protect you, all right?'

'It's my damn business when my boyfriend holes up once a month in a bloody shack with a werewolf!' she retorted. 'Or have you forgotten werewolves are dangerous?'

'I _know_they're dangerous!' he yelled, advancing on her, throwing the silvery cloak that was over

his arm on the bed. 'I've only been hanging round once since my first day of school here. Don't talk about Remus like he's some bloody monster. And don't you dare lecture me about the dangers of spending time with a werewolf. You wouldn't know. You have no idea what it's like! So I'll thank you, Miss Prissy, not to wag your damn finger at me over something you know nothing about!'

The moment the words were out James recoiled with regret. But it was too late; they lashed through Lily like a dull blade, and she backed away from him, feeling tears burn behind her eyelashes. She realized bitterly that the thing that had hurt most of all was that he'd called her Miss Prissy.

'Lil, oh no,' said James, stepping toward her gingerly.

She shook her head and tears fell down her cheeks, and she backed away from him again.

'Don't touch me,' she said, her voice shaking.

'I'm sorry, Lily,' James said desperately, holding up his hands in supplication. 'Please. I didn't mean it, I swear.'

'James,' she whispered, and she began to cry softly, which was the last thing she'd wanted to do. She hated herself. She hated him. She sank against the wall near the desk. 'How can you say that to me? How…I only…pardon me for _carin__g_…'

'Lily, don't,' James pleaded, closing the distance between them. 'I'm sorry, love. Please...don't cry.

Please. I'm so sorry.'

He pulled her close; she backed away and shook her head, but he was insistent, his arms wiry and strong as they encircled her. She held herself rigid against him.

She wanted to push him away. She should push him away. She should slap him and leave the room and never speak to him again. How dare he talk to her like that?

But she couldn't. She couldn't move. He held onto her and whispered apology after apology in her ear and all she could think about was how nice it felt to be in his arms and how wonderfully he smelled. Before she knew it, she was sinking against him, surrendering to his embrace.

_You're a fool, Evans._

_I love him. I'm a fool and I love him._

'James,' she said, and she put her arms round his waist. She felt the words on her lips but held back.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered again, stroking her hair.

'It's okay,' she said, and slid her hands up his back slowly.

He winced and jerked away from her, as though she'd hurt him.

'James, what's wrong?' she asked, stepping back and wiping her eyes.

'Nothing,' he said quickly. 'Forget it.'

She reached for him again, put a hand on his back, on the right side. He groaned and moved away from her.

'You're hurt,' she said, her eyes widening in horror.

'It's nothing, all right?' said James, sounding defensive again. 'Just a scratch.'

'Let me see,' said Lily firmly, her tears forgotten, her voice steady.

'Lily-'

'Let me see,' she repeated, in a tone that brooked no argument. Perhaps it was because he'd just said hurtful things to her that convinced him to relent, but he bit his lip and slowly pulled off his cloak, his robes, his heavy navy blue jumper.

Lily gasped as the jumper went over his head. The back of the white t-shirt he wore beneath was soaked through with blood. He pulled it off, grunting in pain as the material pulled stickily away from a long gash across his back. The wound began to bleed again.

'Oh, my god,' she whispered, horrified. 'James, what happened?'

'Remus,' James said, his face reddening. 'He...he didn't mean it, Lil. He can't control it! And...and this is nothing. Honest. This is mild, I swear. With me and Sirius and Peter there all transformed as animals, Remus doesn't get so-'

'That's not nothing!' said Lily. 'That's...my god, James. I know he's your friend but-'

'That's right, he's my friend,' said James, in a voice that was taut with control; he was trying not to lose his temper again. 'He'd do the same for me. Understand?'

Lily opened her mouth to speak, then shut it, and nodded.

'I don't like it,' she said finally.

'I know you don't,' he said stiffly.

'You could get bitten.'

'I know. Remus knows, too. He's gone back to the dorm and I guarantee you he's mentally flogging himself for scratching me up. It's not the first time he's hurt one of us, and it won't be the last.'

'James…'

'He doesn't mean it,' James said again, his tone measured, but full of feeling. 'It's hell for him. Every bit of it. The transformation…' He closed his eyes and shook his head. 'Remus says it's the most painful thing he's ever known. And he has to just sit there and _take_that pain once a month. For the rest of his _lif__e_, Lil. He can't do anything about it, there's no cure for it. And afterwards…it

wears him out so much he can hardly stand for a day or two. And then he spends the rest of the time hating himself for hurting us and thinking he doesn't deserve to have friends because he's so dangerous…he never says anything but you can just see it in his face. He's always apologizing for himself. Like it's his fault he got bitten, like he could have fought off a werewolf when he was

seven years old.'

'He's been like this for ten years?' Lily gasped.

'Yeah,' said James. 'And…and from what I've read about his condition, he'll be lucky if he lives to be forty. A lot of werewolves just wear out and others just kill themselves because they can't take it anymore.'

'Oh, my god.'

'Remus doesn't deserve this,' said James, his voice cracking slightly. 'He hasn't got anyone but us. He's strong but if we weren't around…'

Lily pressed her lips together and shook her head sadly. 'Poor Remus.'

'I know you worry about me, Lil,' said James, 'but I'll never stop being there for Remus. Not ever.'

Lily gazed at James and felt a new, deep sort of respect for him. She didn't like this situation at all, but the stubborn set of his jaw and the flashing of his hazel eyes told her there was nothing she could say to persuade him to stop going to the Shrieking Shack to ease Remus's agony.

And if Lily were honest with herself, she knew she couldn't ask James to stop, anyway. His loyalty was something she loved about him. There weren't too many blokes who would honor a friend like Remus, and keep his secrets.

'Remus needs his friends,' she said. 'I'd never ask you to stop helping him.'

James smiled at her; he looked contrite. 'You're right. I should have told you. I should have trusted you.'

'Yes, you should have,' said Lily, 'but I know now, so at least this means I can anticipate it the next time you sneak out of here. I can prepare myself to worry next time.' She eyed his wound and felt her insides begin to squirm again. The cut transected his back diagonally, from the right shoulder down to the left side of his waist.

James, meanwhile, looked down, a half-smile on his lips. 'Kinda nice. Having a girl worry about me.'

'Well,' said Lily, her voice tensing with a note of panic, 'it might be nice for you, but it's no fun for me. Look at you. You're a bleeding mess, literally. At least go and see Madam Pomfrey.'

'No,' said James at once. 'No way. Look, I'll just wash it up and it'll be fine.'

'James, that isn't a paper cut!' said Lily, now feeling frantic as the blood began to drip on the floor. Why the hell was he being so damn stubborn?

'Lil, please,' James begged, his voice suddenly pleading again. 'I can't go to Pomfrey, okay. I mean, she knows about Remus, all right, but not about the rest of us. Dumbledore doesn't even know. And they can't know. Just...let me wash it up and-'

'Bullshit,' said Lily, not even noticing the swearword that leapt from her lips. 'James, a little soap and water isn't going to be enough. You're really pale, and you're swaying on your feet.'

'I am not,' James insisted, even as he lurched slightly. 'Okay, maybe a little. But it's not 'cause I'm bleeding. I'm just really tired, that's all.'

'James!'

'Can't you just get some healing potions from your room?' he asked, gripping the side of his desk to remain steady.

Lily groaned in exasperation. 'I don't have that stuff in my room. Dammit! _Men!'_

James bit his lip; he looked like he was trying not to smile. His eyes were slightly out of focus but the slow bleeding had stopped again, and the ugly gash looked like it was forming a scab. Lily suddenly felt the urge to smile as well, as the situation went from dire to comic. Leave it to James to laugh off what might have been a life-threatening wound.

Lily shook her head. 'Fine,' she said. 'If you won't go to the hospital wing, I'll just have to...bring something here, that's all.'

'Wait a minute,' said James, looking amused. 'Are you saying you're going to sneak into the hospital wing and steal some medicine?'

Lily flushed. 'Well, I suppose so, since you're too damn obstinate to go and let a proper healer treat you!'

James laughed, then winced again. 'Wow, Evans. I _am_a bad influence on you.' He smiled that lazy, sexy smile of his that always made Lily's knees turn to water. It was entirely wrong that he could look so cute, that the naked upper half of his body could be so enticing after being slashed by a werewolf.

'Oh, shut up,' Lily said impatiently. 'Just wait here, all right. And try not to bleed to death while I'm gone.'

She started for the door, trying to keep her mind focused on James's injury instead of his rather lovely torso, when she felt his hand on her shoulder.

'Take this,' he said, handing her the silvery cloak he'd been carrying. 'Put it on. It's a lot easier to sneak around in it.'

She took the cloak from him with a question in her eyes, but she put it on. It was only when she looked down that she really just what was so special about this particularly cloak.

'Oh!' she cried, for her legs, her torso, her arms, her chest had all disappeared.

'Impressive, eh?' said James.

'Where did you-' she began, then stopped. 'Never mind. I don't want to know. Just...wait here. I'll be back in a tick.'

She pulled the hood of the cloak over her head and reached for the door handle; it took a moment for her to actually grasp it, as she couldn't see her hand for the cloak (which was several sizes too big for her).

As she started down the corridor in the direction of the hospital wing, she felt a thrill of something race up her spine.

_Stealing medicines for Potter, eh, Evans? Oh, you are so completely besotted._

**Chapter Eleven: Three Little Words**

He loved her. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks to the face. He had to sit down from a wave of dizziness that had nothing to do with his wound.

James winced again as he sat down slowly in his chair. His eyes moved round his room and suddenly he noticed it. Dear god, had she cleaned his room? He shook his head and laughed, then winced once more at the pain across his back. The wound opened up slightly in a few places and he felt just a bit more blood leak out.

He forced himself to ignore the pain from the wound and thought instead of Lily. How she had waited up all night for him, terrified for him (and cleaned his room!). How he'd yelled at her, throwing such meanness at her when it wasn't deserved. How his words had reduced her to tears. He swallowed and shook his head. Nothing in his life had ever felt so horrible than making Lily Evans cry.

And now here she was, stealing medicine for him and keeping his most precious secrets and being just ridiculously wonderful to him. He should have told her sooner.

_The girl loves you, Potter._

She hadn't said it (well, not since that drunken night so many days ago), but her actions tonight proved it.

The knowledge that Lily Evans loved him ought to have filled him with joy, but it only made him feel worse. How on earth could he make it up to her?

He couldn't believe it when he'd opened his door to find her standing in his room. Looking beautiful and furious. In a little nightdress far too short to be decent, but covered by a prim white robe, and with her hair loose and tumbling, her green eyes flashing.

His heart swelled with all sorts of emotions. Fear, remorse, lust, gratitude. Love.

He loved her. That's all there was to it. It scared the hell out of him, feeling that way for her, because he knew that he was no longer putting her on a pedestal. She wasn't some unattainable goddess. She was Lily, flesh and blood and imperfections and wonder and beauty and everything else that made her human. Whatever lust he felt for her-and there was plenty of that-was indelibly wrapped up, in and among a million other feelings for her. All of them having to do with an almost crushing desire to be with her in every sense of the word, for the rest of his life.

_You have to tell her. She should know._

He didn't know how on earth he could tell her.

The door clicked open and he looked up. Lily pulled the hood of the Invisibility Cloak off her head. For a moment, only her face and hair were visible; it was a bizarre effect.

'I've got some Healing Potion, and a little Blood Replenishing Draught just to cover the bases,' she said, shrugging the cloak off. As it slid from her shoulders, the robe she wore slipped down just a bit as well, revealing a freckled, smooth shoulder blade.

'Good,' he said, trying not to stare at her shoulders. Why hadn't he noticed how lovely they were? She ran a hand through her hair and approached him, her right hand clutching two flasks, one of

which had a viscous green liquid, the other thick red.

'Bathroom,' she ordered, and James got up, wincing again, and went into his small loo.

'I can't believe you cleaned my room, Lil,' he said as he entered the bathroom. 'And the bathroom, too? How long have you been in here?'

Lily brushed past him.

'Since after rounds,' she said. 'Oh, and you might want to change your password. Filch didn't believe me when I told him you were sick. He came in here earlier to check up on you; he guessed the password.'

'Filch?' said James, feeling angry and apprehensive. 'Shit.'

'Don't worry, he didn't catch you,' Lily said, filling the sink with hot tap water. 'I covered for you there.'

'How?'

She looked up at him and blushed. 'Well, um, I suppose I just sort of jumped in your bed and pulled the covers up and pretended to be you.'

'You were in my bed?' said James, smiling softly. 'And I wasn't here for that? Damn.'

Lily blushed a deeper shade of crimson and smiled shyly. 'Perhaps you should sit down,' she said, indicating the toilet.

He put down the lid of the toilet and sat on it. She turned on the tap and filled the sink with warm water.

'Drink this first,' she ordered, giving him the flask of Blood Replenishing Draught. 'Drink all of it.' He did, and nearly gagged. 'Why can't they make any potions that taste good?' He felt warmth

returning to his fingers and toes.

'Hold this,' said Lily, relieving him of the empty flask and handing him the second, full of Healing

Potion.

'Do you have any clean rags?' she asked, looking round the bathroom. 'These towels are too rough.'

'No,' said James, 'sorry.'

She sighed. 'All right, I guess I'll-I'll just use this.' She started to untie the belt of her robe.

'Er, Lil, what are you doing?' he asked, which was an absurd question. He knew damn well what she meant to do.

'I'm just taking off my robe,' she said.

'Yes, but,' said James weakly. 'Er. That nightdress you have on-'

'What about it?' she asked. The robe was open now. James tried not to stare at her long, smooth legs, the swell of her breasts.

'Nothing,' he said, shifting on the toilet seat. A rather wicked smile crossed her features.

'Are you checking me out, Potter?' she asked.

'Yes,' said James. 'But I'm just _trying_to be a gentleman here.'

'Well, it's this robe or nothing,' said Lily. 'I have to clean your cut and those bath towels would hurt too much. But if you really can't handle seeing me in a simple nightgown-'

'I can handle it,' he said, then added, 'you minx.' Lily giggled and took off the robe.

James nearly dropped the flask of potion when he saw her robe come off. The nightie she wore was loose and floaty and rather more than a bit see-through. Enough that he could make out the lines of her body beneath. The swell of her small, round breasts, the enticing curviness of her backside. The nightie fell to the middle of her thighs, which were smooth and pale. James closed his eyes and felt his jeans begin to pinch him more insistently.

She dipped a bit of the robe into the water-filled sink and began to wring it out.

'Jesus, Lil,' he said painfully.

'What?' she said, turning to him sharply.

'Nothing,' he said quickly. Good lord, that nightie was indecent! He forced himself to stare at her fluffy white slippers.

'Turn around,' she said, her voice softer. He did, grateful not to be able to look at her.

'Okay, I'm going to clean this,' she said.

James nodded, and clutched his hands together round the flask to keep from reaching round behind him and feeling her up right there.

_What's she on about, wearing that thing?_

_Oh, yeah, you can handle it, Potter. You can handle seeing her wear that scrap of fabric. Liar, liar, pants on fire. Literally._

He momentarily forgot his lust when he felt the wet robe brush across the gash on his back.

'Ow,' he said loudly, wincing at the sting.

'Sorry,' she said, dabbing at it gently. He bit his lip as she continued to clean the wound. The pain, at least, kept his mind off what she looked like in that nightie.

She finished cleaning the wound.

'I'll use the potion now,' she said, moving closer to him and taking the flask from his hand. As she moved, her thighs brushed against the skin of his arms, his back. He closed his eyes again and he felt her shiver. Good lord, he wished she'd put on clothes! How was he supposed to control himself when she was practically half-naked like that, brushing up against him?

She stepped back and he heard a small 'pop' as she uncorked the flask of potion. A few seconds later she was dabbing at his wound again with another soaked end of her robe.

'Ow!' he cried again, as the Healing Potion seared against his skin and began to do its work.

'Bloody hell, that hurts. OW!'

'Don't be such a baby,' she said in a teasing sort of voice.

'Easy for you to say, you're not the one who got sliced open,' he said through gritted teeth. '_O__w__._' She dabbed at the wound some more, and then stopped. James thought she was finished, but when

he turned he saw that she looked suddenly curious about something.

'James, what form do you take?'

'What?'

'When you transform,' said Lily.

'Oh,' said James. 'That. Er…a stag.'

'A stag?' Lily repeated. 'As in a male deer with antlers?'

'Yeah,' said James. For some reason, he suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. Stupid, even. Lily burst out

laughing.

'What?' he asked defensively.

'Oh…oh, that's just…too perfect!' Lily gasped. 'A stag! I should have known!'

'What's wrong with a stag?' James asked. 'That's a damn noble animal, thank you very much.'

'And let me guess,' Lily went on, clearly enjoying herself. 'Your antlers are enormous.'

'They're pretty good sized, yeah,' said James. 'So?'

'Men,' said Lily, going back to dabbing his wound with more potion. 'You're so obvious.' James chuckled. 'Well, you know what they say. Enormous antlers, enormous-'

'Ego.'

'I was going to say brain.'

'Would you show me?' said Lily, her voice suddenly eager.

'What, now?'

'Not now. Just…soon.'

'If I show you, will you be wildly impressed?'

'I'm already wildly impressed,' said Lily. 'I mean, really, James. It's incredible. It's so rare anyone could do that and you figured it out when you were fifteen.'

James felt a swelling of pride in his chest, but he pretended to look appropriately humble.

'It was nothing,' he said.

Lily rolled her eyes. 'You can't fool me with that false modesty, you know.' He grinned at her. 'You see right through me.'

_Boy, does she ever._

She dabbed the wound a few more times, and James realized it no longer hurt so much.

She handed him back the now half-empty flask. She moved behind him again; he waited for a moment, expecting to feel the press of gauzy bandages against his wound. Instead he felt her blow on the cut, drying the potion with her warm breath. He shivered and his jeans pressed on him painfully.

'God, Lil,' he muttered. 'Don't-' She stopped. 'What? Does it hurt?'

'No,' said James.

'Ah,' she said, and he felt, rather than saw, her grin.

She giggled softly and began to apply soft bandages across the wound. He tried to ignore the little tingles in his spine as her fingers brushed across his bare skin.

'Well, that's the best I can do,' she said firmly, and he felt her step back from him. 'You should change the dressing again in twelve hours, I think.'

He turned to her. She was leaning her hip against the sink and her arms were folded across her

chest. _That__damn__nightie,_he thought.

He grinned at her. 'You're not going to help me change my dressing, then?'

'James, really.'

'Come on, Lil,' he said playfully. 'I can't do this by myself, love.' He stood up. 'I need your expert healing skills. And seeing you in that lovely thing you're wearing definitely takes the pain away.'

'Honestly, James,' she said, bending to pick up the bloodstained robe. She was struggling not to smile.

God, he loved this girl. Could he tell her? Did he have in it him?

'Lil,' he said, and his voice sounded different. Felt different. She stood up and ran a hand through her hair.

'Yes?'

'Thank you,' he said. 'For everything. I mean..._everything_.'

'You're welcome,' she said, but she blushed and smiled all the same.

'I mean it, Lil,' he said, taking a step toward her. 'I-I can't believe...all that you did for me tonight. Waiting up for me like that. And fooling Filch and stealing that stuff from the hospital wing and- and I can't believe you cleaned my damn room. And I'm so sorry I yelled at you. I do trust you. You're-you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sometimes...well, most times...I don't even think I deserve you. Especially tonight. I-I made you cry and you still helped me.'

He was babbling.

'James, it's okay-'

'No, it's not,' said James firmly. He couldn't stop now-he had to tell her all that he could before his nerves strangled his speech. 'I don't ever want to be responsible for making you cry ever again. I only want to make you happy.'

She stared at him; her throat was working. Finally she managed, 'You do make me happy, James.' He looked down at the floor, not quite believing it.

'Yeah?'

'Yes,' she said. 'I'm very happy with you. With...us.'

He looked up at her. He wanted to tell her, so much. Why couldn't he say the one thing he most wanted her to hear? It was as if his whole mouth conspired against him.

'Lil,' he said, swallowing. 'I-I-'

_Say it, you idiot!_

'I owe you,' he said instead. 'A lot.'

_You stupid fucking prat._

Lily smiled and shook her head. 'No, James, it's really not-'

'I do,' he said quickly, hoping that maybe he could get on a roll again and maybe, just maybe, those three words would blurt out of him somehow. 'I want to make it up to you. All of this. Tonight. Just...tell me what to do, okay? Tell me what you want me to do and-and I'll do it.'

His mouth was dry; his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and wouldn't move. Why couldn't he say it?

Lily smiled at him.

'I have been wondering when you'd get me a new quill,' she said softly.

James laughed nervously. 'Right,' he said. 'Er, well, I don't have any new ones on me, but-'

'I'm just joking,' she said, still smiling.

'No,' said James, taking a step toward her. 'A new quill. Done. You've got it.' She smiled. 'All right, then. A new quill. Something really fancy.'

'A fancy, expensive new quill,' said James, grinning even as he struggled to just say the one damn thing he most wanted to say. He knew she wouldn't say it first; he didn't want her to say it first.

'A fancy, expensive, sterling silver, phoenix feather quill,' said Lily mischievously, as he moved closer to her.

'Aren't we greedy,' said James.

'Yes, we are,' she said, letting him take her hands in his.

'What else?' he asked, lifting his hands to cup her face.

'What else what?' she asked.

'I'm not done,' he said. 'I still owe you.' He couldn't say it. It was stuck there in his throat. Why couldn't he say it? He wanted to say it.

'I-I don't know,' she said.

He smiled at her and kissed her lightly.

'Never mind,' he said softly. 'I think I do.'

Of course he did. She wanted to hear him tell her he loved her. But he couldn't seem to do it.

_Coward. Prat. Idiot._

He was all these things and more. But his mouth wouldn't obey him in the declaration department.

So he went for the only thing he knew he could do.

He kissed her again, slowly, deeply, opening his mouth and sliding his tongue inside. She kissed

him back, meeting his tongue and pressing her mouth against his. His hands moved from her face to her waist, and he pulled her against him, groaning in his throat as he felt her breasts press against

his bare chest, separated from him only by the thin fabric of her nightie.

Her hands moved into his hair and he kissed her harder. James felt himself straining against his jeans, and he moved his hands to her bottom and pressed her pelvis against his, letting her feel his arousal. She gasped.

'James,' she murmured, 'it's...it's morning. Maybe we should-'

'Shh...' he whispered, silencing her with his lips.

He kissed her again and again and began to turn with her, until he'd pressed her bottom against the sink and stood between her legs. He ground his pelvis against hers as his hands moved over the nightie and found her breasts, kneading them gently through the thin cotton, and his mouth trailed over her neck, her shoulders, to the dip at the base of her throat. He heard her sigh, felt her fingers in his hair.

'You feel so good...' he murmured, nipping lightly at the skin of her collarbones.

'James...' she whispered, and his name sounded like heaven in that moment, coming from her lips. His mouth moved back to her neck as his hands crumpled the hem of her short nightie and shoved it

up over her hips. She gasped as he pulled away from her and sank to his knees, resting them on the robe that now lay in a pile on the cold tile.

'James, what are you doing?' she panted, her chest rising and falling.

His hands gripped the elastic of her knickers and pulled them down over her hips, her knees, her ankles. She gasped again. He looked up at her and smiled.

'James,' she gasped.

'Trust me,' he said.

'Wait—' she began.

But he didn't wait. He moved between her thighs and found the center of her that was covered by dark auburn curls. He groaned softly at the sight of that secret place that he'd touched but had never seen. Lifting one smooth, pale leg over his shoulder to give him better access, he parted her folds delicately with his fingers.

'James, you-'

He slid his tongue inside, finding her clitoris.

'Oh!' she cried out, and he opened his eyes long enough to see her throw her head back. He tasted her again, and felt his erection begin to throb as he ministered to her with his mouth. As he moved his tongue and lips over her he felt her hand tangle in his hair. Sweet Merlin, she tasted good. So very good. So very soft. This was a million times better than getting her off in the library. She wasn't trying to be quiet now.

'James,' she moaned. 'Oh, god...oh…_god_…'

He moved his tongue back and slid it inside her, probing her gently, feeling the strength of the muscles there. She cried out again, and it dissolved into a long moan as he moved his tongue slowly upwards.

'Oh my god…don't stop…'

He felt a sharp pain in his knees and ignored it, focusing on what his mouth was doing to her. Focusing on the sounds she made. He felt her hips arch against him, her other leg come off the floor and rest on his shoulder as she sat fully on the sink. His hands drifted; one moved up beneath her nightie and came to rest on her breast and stroke her there; the other moved between her legs, and

he slid two fingers inside her as his tongue moved over her sweetest place.

'James, wait!' she cried. 'I want-oh GOD!-please-'

He felt his erection throb again but he didn't stop what he was doing with his mouth and hands. He moved his tongue and hands faster, feeling her hips move against him frantically. She was close. He worked faster, feeling the muscles of her legs tighten, feeling her press his head closer to her. His fingers slid in and out of her, she was so slick and tight, he imagined it was his cock inside her...

She came hard, crying out his name as her inner muscles pulsed round his fingers. He kept licking her, lightly, drawing out her climax and bringing her slowly back to earth.

He stayed on his knees for nearly a minute, letting her recover from the orgasm. Then he kissed the soft skin on the inside of her thighs and stood, ignoring the ache in his knees. She was sitting weakly on the sink, her head resting against the mirror, her chest still rising and falling as her breathing slowed. His erection raged on, but he tried to ignore it. He gathered her into his arms and

pulled her against him, where she rested against his chest. Her legs dangled as she sat weakly on the

sink. He wished he could have told her. It was just three words, wasn't it?

_Three words that you've never said to any girl before in your life. Yeah, there is that._

'Are you all right, love?' he asked, gently stroking her hair.

For a moment there was no response, but then he felt her shoulders shake and heard her giggling.

'You're a very, very naughty boy, Potter,' she said.

'You didn't like that?' he said, knowing of course that she had.

'I did,' she said. 'A lot. Dear god.' She sat back from him. 'That was lovely.'

'You're lovely,' he said, kissing her nose. 'And delicious.' He kissed her deeply on the mouth, letting her taste the traces of herself still left on his tongue. She sighed and wrapped her arms round his waist.

'I think you've corrupted me irrevocably, Potter,' she said, smiling. She moved to kiss him again when suddenly a load groan that came from neither of them startled them both.

'Uh oh,' said Lily, and she started to move off the sink.

Too late. With a massive crash, the sink tore from the wall. James caught her and lifted her and moved them both out of the way as the sink came crashing down. A pipe burst and water sprayed everywhere.

'SHIT!' James yelled, but he was laughing. Lily was shrieking and laughing and water was spraying them. Lily leapt from the bathroom and grabbed her wand from his desk and pointed it at the sink and yelled, '_Repa__r__o!'_

The sink flew up and reformed into a single piece; the pipe moved back into place, and in a flash, all was repaired.

'Good thinking, Evans,' he said, grinning, delighted to see that she'd gotten wet and that this made her nightie cling to her enticingly and afford him a better view of what was underneath.

'James, stop ogling me and help me clean up this mess!' said Lily firmly, blushing to the roots of her hair.

'Righto, Evans!'

'Well, he did it.'

'James told you he loved you?'

Clarissa, Marianne and Lily were once again in Lily's room, pretending to study. Marianne had taken Lily's desk and had spread out her Charms assignment on it, while Lily and Clarissa sat on the bed, surrounded by textbooks.

'No,' said Lily, feeling a bit disappointed about that, but then she remembered what James _had_

done, and she felt her cheeks heat up. 'He showed me, though.'

'You mean-'

'I mean,' said Lily, arching her eyebrows in satisfaction.

'Excellent!' said Clarissa triumphantly. 'And how was it? Embarrassing?'

'It was brilliant,' said Lily rapturously. 'I hope he does it a lot.' Clarissa snorted with laughter.

'Although,' Lily mused, 'I think next time it'd be a bit more comfortable for us both if we were lying on his bed.'

Clarissa gawked at her. 'He did it while you were standing up? On his knees and everything?'

'He was on his knees,' said Lily, 'and I started out standing up but then I wound up sitting. I mean, how anyone can stand up while that's going on-'

'He did it to you on his desk?' Clarissa squeaked.

'No, I was sitting on the sink,' said Lily. 'In his bathroom.' She blushed. 'I'll never be able to brush my teeth anymore without thinking about it.'

'My god, Lily! You're turning into a pervert! First the library, then you tie the boy up and now he's going down on you at the sink?'

'There's more,' said Lily, greatly enjoying herself.

'More?' said Clarissa eagerly, and then her eyes went saucer-wide. 'My god, Lil. You didn't…did you?'

'No,' said Lily quickly. 'Not that. That, I definitely want to happen on a bed. But…well. After, when I was sitting on the sink…it sort of broke and fell out of the wall.'

Clarissa screamed with laughter. 'Oh, god, Lil! That's bloody perfect.'

Lily joined in laughing; she briefly noticed that Marianne only managed to force a smile, but then turned back to Clarissa.

'It was nearly perfect,' Lily said. 'I just wish…'

'He'll say it soon,' said Clarissa.

'He was about to say it right then,' said Lily. 'I could tell. He got all nervous and started babbling.' She paused and let out a frustrated breath. 'Why didn't he just say it? Why is it such a difficult thing to say? It's just three words.'

'I told you why,' said Clarissa, smoothing the feathers of her quill.

'I know,' said Lily glumly. 'And, I mean, he's been _acting_really, well, loving. All week. Carrying my books and leaving me notes under my door. And the other night he insisted on doing rounds himself and letting me go to sleep early because I was so tired and because, well, because of that night with Remus.'

'Sounds like love to me,' said Clarissa, grinning. 'I mean, really, Lil, we _a__r__e_talking about James Potter here. Mr. Never Shows His Sensitive and Romantic Side. The King of Cool. Well, next to Sirius, anyway.'

Marianne snorted. Clarissa and Lily looked at her.

'What was that?' said Clarissa.

'Nothing,' said Marianne shortly, not even looking up from her Charms assignment.

Clarissa eyed her thoughtfully for a moment, but Marianne's head was bent over her homework, and she seemed to be rather absorbed in it.

'In any event,' said Clarissa, 'I can't believe you broke the bloody sink, Lil.'

'I know,' said Lily, giggling. 'But actually I'm a little glad it happened. I mean, I was a bit, well, embarrassed after...you know. The sink breaking sort of...eased the tension a bit, I think.'

'And of course it makes for an amusing story to tell at slumber parties,' said Clarissa grinning. 'At the rate you're going, Lil, you'll be upping Marianne in the kinky sex ratings.'

Marianne snorted again; she sounded rather disgusted, but said nothing.

'Marianne?' Lily asked tentatively. She glanced at Clarissa.

'You're being awfully quiet, Marianne,' said Clarissa. 'Are you...all right?'

'Fine,' said Marianne shortly. 'I'm just fine. Please, carry on your endless discussion about Potter's verbal difficulties and his plumbing problems. It's fascinating. And not at all distracting while I'm trying to do homework!' Her voice rose with every word and ended in a yell.

'Marianne,' said Clarissa.

Marianne looked up sharply. For a moment she said nothing, but in the next instant, her eyes filled with tears.

'Marianne, what's the matter?' said Lily, alarmed.

'Oh, dammit!' said Marianne tearfully, throwing down her quill and putting her head in her hands.

'Marianne, talk to us,' said Clarissa, closing her Arithmancy textbook.

'Is it Sirius?' said Lily quickly.

'Y-yes!' Marianne sobbed.

'What did he do?' said Lily, her voice sharp.

'Was he a prat to you?' said Clarissa angrily. 'Do you want me to shrink his balls?' She pulled her wand from her bag and made to get up.

'N-No!' Marianne bawled.

'Then what's the matter?' asked Clarissa, sitting down again.

'He-he told me he c-cares about me!' Marianne sniffed.

Lily and Clarissa exchanged looks, and then looked back at Marianne.

'Um, Marianne,' said Lily gently, 'why is Sirius telling you that he cares for you a bad thing?'

'Because he _ruined_everything!' said Marianne bitterly. Lily exchanged another look with Clarissa.

'Marianne, how does Sirius telling you he cares-'

'Because he wasn't supposed to do that!' Marianne wailed. 'Don't you see? We were just supposed to be-to be shag mates! Nothing else! Just hang out occasionally and shag from time to time when the itch struck us. I mean, I always knew he was a right whore about sleeping around. That's why I didn't get close to him, see? And things were just _fine_between us, until-until-yesterday. Then he had to ruin everything by talking to me after we'd just finished shagging, and tell me he really _ca__r__ed_about me and-and-' Her voice dissolved into sobs.

Lily and Clarissa stared at their friend in amazement for a moment.

'And what?' prodded Clarissa.

'And that he wanted to-to start, you know, _dating_me! That he wants me to be his-his GIRLFRIEND!' Marianne burst into more wretched sobs and flopped her head down onto her forearms, burying her face.

Lily looked at Clarissa in amazement. To listen to Marianne one would think her mother had just died.

'Er, Marianne,' said Clarissa. 'I should think it's a good thing that Sirius likes you for, well, for reasons beyond shagging. I mean, yes, he's certainly been round the block a bit.'

Marianne snorted derisively, her head still buried in her arms.

'Okay, a lot,' said Clarissa. 'But maybe he's realizing that there's more to life than chasing skirts. Maybe you've-inspired him in some way to be a bit, well-'

'Less of a whore?' said Marianne, looking up.

'Yes,' said Clarissa gingerly. 'You know. Maybe being around you has helped Sirius to grow up a bit.'

'I don't _want_Sirius to grow up!' said Marianne. 'I don't want him to care about me!'

'Why on earth not?' said Lily, feeling exasperated.

'Because if he c-cares about me then that means I-I have to-'

'Admit you care about him,' Clarissa finished. 'Of course.'

'I don't _want_to care about him!' said Marianne. 'He's the worst person in the world to care about like that!'

'Oh, come on, Marianne,' said Lily. 'You're acting just like I was about James. And look how he's changed. People _can_change, you know. And Sirius would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend.'

This clearly was the wrong thing to say, as it set off another round of wailing from Marianne.

'Oh, dear,' said Clarissa. 'Look, er, maybe I'll just take her to Madam Pomfrey's and get her a potion or something to calm her down a bit.'

'I don't want to go to Madam Pomfrey,' said Marianne, in a very childish, petulant voice.

'Then quit being such a damn baby,' said Clarissa sharply. 'Honestly, Marianne, you act like having a boy care about you beyond what's between your legs as something terrible! It's great, if you ask me. It's high time Sirius grew up about that whole thing and realize that girls aren't just notches on his bedpost. And bully for you for being the girl that made him see the light.'

'That's right,' said Lily firmly. 'Do you know how many girls in this school would kill to be in your shoes? So Sirius cares about you. So much the better.'

Marianne's crying subsided and she looked tearfully at her two friends. 'I just-I thought I was- immune. To that love stuff,' she said. 'I wanted to be. I've been burned a few times, you know. I don't want to go through that again.'

'Nobody does,' said Clarissa. 'But, well, life is short and love is a risk, and most times it's worth the risk, I think. I mean, look at Remus and me. I'm scared but I'm also really happy. I'd rather be scared and happy than safe and dull.'

'Me, too,' said Lily fervently. Marianne smiled tearfully. 'Really?'

'Really,' said Clarissa, holding out her hand. Marianne took it, and Lily joined hands with the two of them.

Marianne laughed and sniffed.

'Shit,' she said. 'I guess this means I have to buy Sirius a Christmas present.'

**Chapter Twelve: Spoken Too Soon**

'Do you _r__eally_think he'll like it?'

'Lily, for the hundredth time, _yes_, I think James will like the damn present you got him!' said

Clarissa, rolling her eyes as she applied lipstick.

She, Lily and Marianne were all in Lily's room the following Saturday afternoon, getting ready for the Winter Ball. Lily eyed the wrapped present-a Deluxe Broomstick Servicing Kit-with some trepidation. Shopping for a boy had been very difficult, especially for James. She had wanted to get him something romantic, but then realized that he didn't really go in for romantic type gifts. He didn't wear cologne, he rarely read books unless he had to, and he already had more jumpers than

he knew what to do with. In the end, she'd settled on the broom kit because it went with the sport he loved most: Quidditch.

'Marianne, do you think-'

'_Y__es,_Lil,' said Marianne. 'But I still maintain that you wouldn't have needed to buy him anything at all if you just go to bed with him tonight.'

'Marianne,' said Clarissa warningly.

'I'm just saying,' said Marianne, in a singsong sort of voice.

The girls had spent the morning in somewhat breathless anticipation, each of them wrapping their gifts for the boys and talking about how they would do their hair for the ball. The boys had slept in, but upon waking and seeing the weather outside-a clear, sunny day and the fresh snow that had fallen in the night-they dressed in their heaviest winter things and headed outdoors for an airborne

snowball fight on their brooms. Peter Pettigrew, who hadn't been hanging round the other Marauders all that much lately, nonetheless braved the elements and joined his friends, albeit from the sidelines, which seemed to be his natural place among the four of them. And yet Lily noticed that Peter seemed happy and to be enjoying himself. James had mentioned in passing that Peter had been spending more and more time in the library. Both Lily and James chalked it up to Peter-who had never been more than an average student-wanting to do especially well on his N.E. .

But sitting in her room that afternoon with her two best friends, Lily didn't think much of Peter Pettigrew at the moment. She was too excited and nervous about the evening to come. James and the rest were still outdoors, clearly determined to wait until the last possible minute to come inside.

'Actually, er, I have thought about that,' said Lily slowly. 'Having...sex. With James. Tonight.' Clarissa dropped her lipstick onto Lily's desk, where it smeared. Marianne's hands froze in the

midst of towel drying her hair.

'You're kidding,' said Clarissa.

'No, I'm not,' said Lily.

'Are...are you sure you're ready?' said Clarissa.

'Has James said the L word yet?' asked Marianne.

'No,' said Lily sadly. 'I know he's right there about it. Maybe...maybe he's just waiting for the right moment, you know? To be more romantic. I mean, it's not like I necessarily want him to tell me on the way to a Potions lesson or something.'

'I'll say,' said Marianne. 'The last thing you want is for him to spring it on you. When Sirius told me he cared it was right before a study session with some Hufflepuffs and let me tell you, I was an emotional basket case.'

'Why is that?' said Clarissa thoughtfully, as she began to comb her hair. 'I burst into tears when

Remus told me. Ridiculous. Why are girls such blubberers?'

'I don't know,' said Marianne, 'but it bloody well ruins eye make-up. There is nothing quite so unattractive as mascara running down your face.'

'Are you sure about this, Lil?' said Clarissa again. 'I mean, well, you've done a bunch of stuff in the physical department, but we are talking about your virginity here.'

'I know,' said Lily. 'I just...I'm a bit sick of the whole virginity thing, okay? And...and I know it would be right with James. Part of me feels like what the hell am I waiting for, anyway? I mean, I know he loves me, all right? He's been showing me for weeks now that he does. I just...wonder if maybe I'm being a bit silly, waiting around for him to tell me. Shouldn't actions count more than words, in the end?'

'They should,' said Clarissa. 'But it's still awfully nice to hear.'

'Look, Lil, whatever you decide has to be right for you,' said Marianne. 'But I'm telling you, if you do plan on going to bed with James tonight, you shouldn't be fussing about whether he'll like that broom kit. You show up in his room naked with a bow wrapped round you and he'll pretty much forget everything else.'

'Marianne, you're horrible,' said Lily, giggling. For a few minutes there was companionable silence as the girls tended to their hair, or tried on different shades of lipstick. Then Marianne gave a frustrated groan.

'Men, I swear,' she said, as she waved her wand and began to dry her damp hair with it. 'Why is it they only take ten minutes to get ready?'

'Sirius might, but we all know how Potter likes to arrange his hair just so,' Clarissa said, grinning.

'That probably takes him an hour, at least.'

'Ha ha,' said Lily, but she smiled. It was true; James had never really let go of his propensity to ruffle his hair so that it always looked windswept.

'How's Remus feeling, by the way?' Marianne asked, now using her wand to create spiral ringlets in her hair.

'Better,' said Clarissa. 'He's always tired after the full moon for at least a few days, of course. But it's been a week and he's definitely feeling fitter. Well, he's outside right now, isn't he?' Clarissa made a face in the mirror. 'This lipstick color won't work. Makes me look jaundiced.' She wiped the lipstick off with a tissue, then waved her wand at the tube and the color-a lurid coral orange shade-changed to a soft pink.

'That's much better, 'Riss,' said Lily, as Clarissa glided the now pink lipstick over her clean lips.

'Definitely,' said Clarissa, puckering her lips and then smiling at the mirror in approval. 'Now if only I could do something about this damn hair of mine.'

'I love your hair,' said Marianne. 'Natural curls. I'm so jealous. Takes me forever to get curls in my hair.' As if to demonstrate this point, she coiled her wand again as another tendril of hair curled into a spiral.

'Yes, well, it's always wonderful in the summer months when my hair frizzes up and I look like a damn shrubbery,' said Clarissa, eyeing her curly hair with disdain. 'Do you have any of that Sleakeazy Hair Potion, Lil?'

'Yep,' said Lily, stepping into her bathroom. 'Here it is.'

'Thanks,' said Clarissa, and she poured a healthy dollop of the potion onto her hands, then raked it through her hair.

'Damn,' said Lily, looking critically at her hair. 'I dunno what to do with this.' She picked up a bit of her hair and let it flop.

'Leave it down, Lil,' said Marianne. 'James loves it down, you can tell.'

'I suppose,' she said. 'But I've always wanted an excuse to wear it up. In one of those really fancy twists like the movie stars wear. You know, like Grace Kelly.'

'Grace who?' Marianne asked.

'Muggle actress,' said Clarissa. 'I don't know, Lil. I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but you're not really the glamour girl type, are you? More...Pre-Raphaelite goddess, I think.'

'Thanks, I think,' said Lily, smiling.

'Clarissa's right, Lil,' said Marianne. 'Those twists are too fussy for you. You need something soft and feminine.'

Lily picked up her hair in her hands and piled it haphazardly on her head, then let it drop again.

'Hopeless,' she said. 'I'm no good with this stuff.'

'I'll help you, Lil,' said Marianne, as she finished her final ringlet with her wand. 'Just give me a few seconds.'

Marianne waved her wand again and her perfectly spiraled hair twisted into an elegant twist at the back of her head; a few loose ringlets escaped to frame her face. She waved her wand again, and several small hairpins flew into her hair, holding the style in place.

'Marianne, that's brilliant,' said Clarissa, impressed. 'Where'd you learn to do that?'

'Latest issue of Witch Weekly,' said Marianne. 'Has all sorts of great spells for hair. Very useful. Now, Lil, your turn.'

Lily nodded. A part of her was a bit nervous. Marianne had always been the most glamorous of the three of them, with her millions of cosmetics and hair potions. She had always been the most 'done up.' Lily, on the other hand, was the opposite. She rarely put on make-up except for a bit of lip gloss, and styling her hair involved leaving it down round her shoulders or pulling it back into a ponytail or clip. She hoped Marianne wouldn't make her look too different or get too enthusiastic with elaborate hairstyles or make-up.

Marianne looked over Lily with a critical eye. She ran her hands through Lily's hair, then passed her fingers over Lily's face, then picked up Lily's hands.

'Good lord, Lil, look at these cuticles, they're a mess,' said Marianne, shaking her head. 'It's a good thing I'm here.'

She sat down firmly on the bed, Lily in the chair. Marianne grinned excitedly.

'Wait until I'm done with you,' she said excitedly, as Lily swallowed apprehensively. 'James will fall all over himself when he sees you.'

'You won't make me look too, uh, well, fussy?'

'Relax, Lil,' said Clarissa. 'Marianne knows what she's doing.'

''Riss is right,' said Marianne. 'You are in capable hands, Evans.' Lily nodded, and Marianne set to work.

'Bloody hell, Prongs, you've been messing with your stupid hair for the past half hour,' said Sirius, who was lying carelessly on his bed in the seventh year boys' dormitory.

'It's not my fault I wasn't born with perfect hair like you,' said James sourly, trying to wrestle a bit of his fringe into just the right place. It wasn't cooperating. 'Dammit. Moony, got anymore Sleakeazy?'

'On my dresser,' Remus called from the boys' bathroom, where he was shaving. James moved from the full-length mirror near the entrance of the dormitory and fetched the hair potion.

'Aren't you going to get ready, Padfoot?' said James, as he worked a dollop of the hair potion into his messy black fringe.

'Unlike you and Moony, I don't need to spend hours grooming,' said Sirius.

'Right,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'You just stand up and every hair falls into place.'

'And he's just into his fifth day without shaving,' called Remus, rinsing his razor in the sink, 'which means he's at the optimum level of scruffiness.'

'I can't help it if I'm devastatingly handsome, can I?' said Sirius, mock-innocently. He sat up on the bed and went to look in the mirror over his dresser.

James made a retching noise and pretended to stick his finger down his throat. 'Your whole "I'm

too gorgeous for grooming" bit gets old, Padfoot. And besides, think of Marianne. That scruff could take the poor girl's face off.'

'She likes my scruff,' said Sirius grinning. 'On her face and everywhere else.'

'Too much information!' Remus called.

'Look who's talking, Mr. Sofa-Shagger,' said Sirius, laughing. He affected a high, feminine sounding voice. ''Oh, Remus, you're _such_a _beas__t_".' Then he lowered his voice and pretended to moan. ''Oh, Clarissa, you _dirty_little girl".'

In the next instant a bar of soap came flying out of the bathroom and bopped Sirius soundly on the back of the head.

'Ow!' he yelled. 'Moony!'

James had finally mastered his fringe, and laughed at his best friends' antics.

'If you're going to poke fun at my sexual escapades, Padfoot,' said Remus, entering the dormitory and patting his clean-shaven face with a towel, 'it's only fair for me to take the mickey out of you a bit.'

'What are you on about?' said Sirius, scoffing.

James couldn't resist. 'He's talking about Marianne,' he said. 'Something about how you asked her to be your girlfriend, is that it?'

'I must say, Sirius, I don't know whether to be impressed or disappointed,' said Remus, shaking his head.

'Somebody else is going to have to take up the mantle of Hogwarts Male Whore,' said James.

'Because Padfoot here is off the market.'

'Shut up,' said Sirius, tossing a pillow at James and hitting him in the head.

'Bloody hell, Padfoot!' said James, eyeing his ruined hairstyle in disgust. 'I just spent twenty minutes getting my hair right and you ruined it.'

'Listen to him,' said Sirius, grinning. 'Primping like a girl, he is.'

'He just wants to look perfect for Evans,' said Remus, grinning. 'Tonight's the big night, isn't it, Prongs?'

'The night,' said Sirius, affecting a dramatic air and striking an equally dramatic pose with one hand to his forehead, 'where you confess your undying love for the beautiful Miss Lily.'

'Hey, are you going to go down on one knee?' Remus asked, opening his chest of drawers and pulling out a clean undershirt.

Sirius made a whooping sort of noise and swooped down on one knee and grabbed James's hand.

'Oh, Lily, my darling,' Sirius recited ecstatically. 'I love you more than life itself. You are the sun. The earth. The very air I breathe!'

'Shut it, you wanker!' said James, trying to yank his hand away. His face was burning, but he was laughing.

Remus took up the theme, knelt down, and grabbed James's other hand.

'Lily, you are my reason for living,' Remus intoned. 'Without you I am...a mere _shell_of a man!'

'I'm warning you, you bastards-' James began.

'Lily, your hair is like fire and your eyes are like emeralds and I long to have your milky white thighs wrapped around me!' Remus went on, as Sirius laughed so hard that tears streamed down his face.

'Yes, Lily, I must have you tonight or my very manhood will SHRIVEL UP AND DIE!' Sirius yelled, gasping for breath from his laughter.

'Fuck you,' said James, yanking his hands away and not laughing anymore. Sirius and Remus, meanwhile, sank to the floor in hysterics for a moment, but then stopped laughing when they saw James sit down hard on Sirius's bed.

'Hey,' said Sirius. 'What's up, mate? We were just joking.'

'You know we meant no disrespect, not to Lily,' Remus added.

James said nothing, but ran a hand through his hair (he had given up on trying to make the fringe do what he wanted).

'James, are you okay?' asked Remus, as he sat down on his bed, which was next to Sirius's own.

'No,' said James bitterly.

'He's nervous,' said Sirius, casting a glance at Remus.

'No shit, I'm nervous!' James shouted. 'I...dammit. You know, when this whole thing started with

Lily, I just wanted to get her into bed, but now...'

'Hey, it's cool, mate,' said Sirius, sitting down next to him. 'You love her. We get it.'

'Yeah, I love her,' said James. 'I can say it to you two prats. Why can't I tell _he__r_? It's like my stupid mouth gets Stunned every time I try and say it. And I want to tell her, you know? I want her to know. I mean, girls...like to hear that, don't they?'

'If you mean it, yeah,' said Remus.

'You're being too hard on yourself, mate,' said Sirius. 'I think Lily knows how you feel.'

'Yeah,' said James. 'I know.'

'You'll find a way to tell her,' said Sirius. 'It'll happen. Just stop freaking out about it.'

'I s'pose,' said James. 'I mean, I don't know if she'll want to...you know. Unless I tell her first. And I want to tell her, but not to get her into bed. Except I want to get her into bed, of course...shit, I'm not making sense.'

'Yeah, you are,' said Sirius.

James looked up at his two best mates. They understood. They always did. Funny, how they'd grown up. Matured. James had never really wanted to grow up, but now he had and he didn't mind it so much. He rather liked relating to his mates as young men instead of boys. Even if the boyish pranks and ribbing were still a part of their relationship.

'Well,' said James thoughtfully, 'I did have "love, James" engraved on that quill I got her.'

'Right, the _quil__l_,' said Sirius, grinning. 'To replace the one she broke when you-'

'Shut it,' said James, but he was grinning.

'A broken quill, a broken sink,' said Remus. 'What else do you plan to break?'

'His bed, if all goes well tonight,' said Sirius, clapping James on the back. He looked over at the clock on his nightstand. 'Shit, is that the time?'

'Nearly seven,' said Remus. 'We'd better hurry. Where's Wormtail, anyway?' As if he'd heard Remus's query, Peter burst into the room.

'Sorry, mates, got hung up doing stuff,' he said, a bit breathless, as he crossed to his bed and began pulling out fresh underclothes.

'Stuff? At the library again?' Sirius asked.

'Yeah,' said Peter. 'I'm sick of studying.'

'We're sick of you studying, too, mate,' said Sirius. 'Whatever you do, don't bore Dorcas with talk of N.E. .'

'Ha ha,' said Peter, pulling on dress trousers. 'If all goes well, I won't be at the ball for very long.' The other three Marauders exchanged glances, and as one said, 'Ooooh.'

'Wormtail's going to be getting a bit of, well, tail?' said James, grinning. Peter blushed and shrugged. 'Maybe. I think Dorcas is keen, anyway.'

'Dorcas Meadows?' said Remus. 'Peter, when did you start dating her?'

'A few months ago,' said Peter.

'You never told us,' said Sirius, sounding affronted. 'We never see you anymore.'

'Sorry,' said Peter, still red-faced. 'It's just…look, I've been really working hard because of the exams-'

'Which are months off,' James noted.

'—yeah, but this is _m__e_, remember?' said Peter, a bit morosely. 'You three are really good. I have to work harder at it. So…anyway, sorry. I've been busy and Dorcas caught me in the library one day struggling with some Potions thing and she helped me and…well, that's how it started. We were study partners for a while and then…you know.'

'You still could have mentioned it,' said Sirius, still looking put out.

'I just did,' said Peter.

'True, he just did,' said James quickly, wanting to avert any argument. 'Come on, lads. Let's give

Wormtail a break—he deserves a night off from his labors, don't you think?'

'I agree,' said Remus, grinning. 'The Marauders, all together again like it should be.'

'Hear hear,' said James, and then his eyes went to the clock. 'Come on, mates, we've got to hurry. Maybe I can fix my stupid hair before we go…'

Remus, James and Peter began to dress. James fussed with his hair. Remus frowned in the mirror when he saw he'd nicked himself just along his jaw, and aimed his wand at it to heal the cut. Peter aimed his wand at his trousers, which were badly wrinkled, and steamed them smooth.

Sirius watched them in amusement for several minutes, and then threw off his jeans and jumper and threw on his more formal clothes and robes; he gave them a quick De-wrinkle Charm. Within five minutes he was ready, his hair falling perfectly over his forehead and his clothes perfectly pressed.

'Well, I'm ready,' he said sardonically. 'What's taking you lot so long?'

James paced the common room. Sirius and Remus both sat in puffy armchairs near the roaring fire. Peter had already gone into the Great Hall with his date, Dorcas Meadows, a Hufflepuff.

Students in dress robes passed them by, exiting the common room to head for the Great Hall. The girls were late. True, only a few minutes late, but late all the same.

'What's keeping them?' James asked. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so nervous. It was silly. He and Lily weren't going on their first date tonight; they'd been together for months now. So why did he feel so anxious?

'Stop pacing, would you?' said Sirius. 'You're making me dizzy.'

More students passed through the common room on their way out to the corridor.

'The girls are, what's the phrase, fashionably late,' said Remus. 'They want to make a grand entrance, I'm guessing.'

'It'd better be grand, considering how long it took them to get ready,' said Sirius. 'Three hours? What do they do in three hours?'

The portrait hole creaked, and Sirius and Remus leapt up. James turned.

Marianne was first to enter. She was dressed in robes in rich burgundy velvet with lace at the collar and sleeves. Her dark hair was swept up in an elaborate twist. She carried a small velvet handbag that matched her robes; underneath she wore a gown made of burgundy silk. She was lovely.

Then came Clarissa. Her blonde curls had been tamed and pulled into a low knot at the base of her neck. She wore pale blue robes over a matching dress. She, too, was lovely.

Then came Lily. James felt his stomach drop.

He was vaguely aware that there were other people in the room, somewhere, but he couldn't see them. The only thing he could see was Lily. She was wearing green robes that matched her eyes.

Her hair had been pulled into an elaborate, thick plait that was laced through with tiny pearls. A few tendrils had escaped and softly framed her face. Beneath the robes she wore a simple black gown. Her creamy, freckled skin glowed; her lips were wet and looked like pink satin. She looked like some kind of ethereal wood nymph. Like one of those beautiful, lush nymphs he'd seen in Muggle paintings. He felt a lump in his throat.

He felt, rather than saw, his two mates and their girls pass by him and Lily and out the common room.

'Hi,' she said, smiling shyly.

'Wow,' he said, taking her hand, his eyes locked with hers. 'Lil. You're...you're breathtaking.'

'Thanks,' she said, still smiling.

'Er, should we...should we go then?' he asked, offering her his arm.

'All right,' she said, and she took his arm, then raised herself on tip-toe to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his head and gave her his lips instead.

She giggled and pulled away after a long kiss.

'What was that for?' she asked.

'Mistletoe,' he said softly. She looked up at the ceiling.

'There's no mistletoe, James,' she whispered.

'Oops, how about that,' he said, grinning. She giggled again. 'You are so bad.'

'You love it,' he said.

'I love you,' she said.

James froze. Lily gasped. Every noise, every movement, everything in the room came to a screeching halt.

James blinked. Had she just...

He looked into her eyes, and saw that they were wide and horrified and embarrassed. Her hand was over her mouth.

She had. She'd said it. Before he'd had a chance to tell her. When he had so very badly wanted to say it first.

'Oh,' she said, looking down at the floor. 'I mean, well...'

'Lily,' he said, taking her hands. 'I-'

'You don't have to say it, James,' she said quickly. 'I don't know where that came from. I...I

suppose I was just...thinking of it at the time.'

'But-'

'James, please,' she said, meeting his gaze. 'I...don't want you to say it until you're ready.'

James swallowed, feeling positively wretched. His throat was a desert; his tongue wouldn't un-stick

itself from the roof of his mouth. There was nothing he could say to that. If he protested that he did love her, she would assume he was only saying it out of pity. But not saying it told her that he wasn't ready to say it, and dammit, he was! Well, almost.

'Let's go, okay?' she said, and without waiting for him she started out of the portrait hole.

He stood frozen in place for a moment, wondering how on earth he could have gone from feeling elated and full of bliss to completely miserable in the span of a few minutes.

Lily couldn't remember ever spending a more awkward evening at a feast in her life. She and James sat next to one another. He loosely held her hand for much of the meal, but he couldn't seem to

bring himself to look at her.

It was just as well, because she couldn't look at him, either. She was horrified with herself. She hadn't meant to say it. It had just slipped out. He had just kissed her and he looked so

handsome in his dress robes, with his glasses slipping down his nose, and she had felt so happy to be with him that she just...said it.

Now she was sitting next to him and forcing herself to eat. The feast was more sumptuous than she'd ever seen: a hundred fat turkeys and another hundred platters of roast beef and roasted

potatoes and green beans and stuffing and apple sauce and salad. But the food tasted like sand in her mouth.

'You two are awfully quiet,' said Marianne suddenly. Lily jerked out of her reverie.

'What?' she said, feeling her face get hot. She saw Peter and his date, Dorcas, look up from across the table. She didn't know Dorcas very well, but the girl had a sympathetic look on her face.

'You all right, Lily?' said Clarissa, eyeing her perceptively.

'Fine,' said Lily shortly, and now she glanced quickly at James. He smiled weakly at her, but his face, too, was bright red.

'Actually,' said Lily, turning away from James and back to Clarissa. 'I...um...have to use the loo.' She hesitated long enough to give Clarissa a meaningful look.

'Right,' said Clarissa. 'Me, too.'

'I'll go as well,' said Marianne quickly.

'What is it with girls?' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'Always have to go to the loo in groups.'

But the girls ignored him. Lily gave James's hand a quick squeeze, but didn't look at him. She just couldn't look at him. Dorcas remained with Peter.

She was the first out of the Great Hall. She walked so quickly that Marianne and Clarissa practically had to jog to keep up with her.

'Lily, wait up!' said Marianne, but Lily ignored her and ducked quickly into the girls' lavatory. Lily raced to the back of the room and felt the tears that had been hiding behind her eyes finally

break free.

_Don__'__t__cr__y__,_she thought, _you'll__smudge__your__mascara._

But she wept anyway.

'Lily!' Clarissa cried. 'What's going on?' The two other girls hurried to Lily's side.

'You're ruining your mascara, Lil,' said Marianne in a sympathetic, but gently scolding voice. Clarissa swatted her on the arm.

'Lily, what happened?' said Clarissa warmly. 'Is it James?'

'What did he do?' said Marianne.

'Nothing!' said Lily miserably. 'It was me! _I_did it!'

'Did what?' said Marianne.

'I told him I...I loved him!'

Clarissa and Marianne both gasped.

'You...you told him,' said Marianne slowly, 'before he told you?' Lily nodded.

'Oh, dear,' said Marianne. Clarissa swatted her again.

'What did he say?' said Clarissa.

'Nothing!' said Lily, feeling wretched. 'I mean, he tried to say it to me but...but he couldn't...and...and anyway I don't _want_him to say it just because I did!'

'You told him that?' said Marianne.

'Y-yes,' said Lily. 'And now we can't even look at each other. I know he feels terrible and guilty because I said it first, and I feel so stupid. But it just sort of...came out! I didn't _mean_to say it!' She wept bitterly.

Clarissa pulled her into a hug, careful to position Lily so that Lily's mascara didn't rub all over her pale blue robes, and careful not to muss Lily's carefully styled hair.

'Look, Lil,' said Clarissa slowly. 'This isn't so bad, you know. It's obvious he wants to say it, that he's trying to say it to you. It's obvious he does love you. He's just...being a boy about it, that's all.'

''Riss is right,' said Marianne, patting Lily gently on the shoulder. 'He's going to say it, Lil. He's just got himself all tied up in knots about it. Chances are he'll blurt it out just like you did.'

'I suppose,' said Lily, backing out of Clarissa's arms.

'Lil, you don't really doubt his feelings, do you?' said Clarissa.

'No,' said Lily. 'I don't.'

'Well, then, what's the big deal, really?' said Clarissa. 'It's just one awkward moment between the two of you. You're going to let that ruin tonight, ruin the good stuff that you already have?'

'She's already let it ruin her mascara,' said Marianne dryly.

'Oh, dear,' said Lily, looking in the mirror. 'I look awful!' Her face was streaked with ugly, dark brown rivulets of mascara.

'Easily fixed,' said Marianne. She pulled her wand from her robes and gave it a wave at Lily's face. The mascara vanished, leaving behind clean, pale skin.

Lily smiled weakly. 'Thanks.'

'Wait,' said Marianne. 'Your nose and eyes are puffy and red and need a bit of fixing up.' She waved her wand again. Lily felt a cool rush of air across her eyes and nose as the charm vanished the swelling and redness.

'Now, hold still; I'm going to put on another bit of mascara,' said Marianne. She opened her handbag and pulled out a tube of dark brown mascara and applied it carefully to Lily's pale eyelashes.

'Much better,' said Marianne approvingly. 'And your hair still looks fabulous.'

'Thanks, Marianne, Clarissa,' said Lily gratefully. She smiled. 'You're right. I shouldn't get so

emotional about this.'

'It's all right to get emotional,' said Clarissa.

'Just don't mess up your mascara!' said Marianne, giggling.

They returned to the table to find that pudding had appeared. James was eating a piece of apple crumble, but he was picking at it listlessly. Lily felt a pang as she sat down next to him. _Poor__thing,__he__looks__like__he__feels__terribl__e_.

'Hi,' she said, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

'Hi,' he said, grinning weakly. 'Long time in the loo.'

'Oh, you know girls,' she said. 'Always having to fix up our hair and gossip and whatever. Aren't you going to eat that apple crumble?'

'Oh,' said James. 'I'm...not really hungry, I guess.' He wouldn't look at her.

'James,' said Lily softly. She put a hand on his face and turned him to face her. He didn't lift his eyes.

So she kissed him on the mouth, softly but soundly. He didn't respond at first-his lips felt stiff with surprise. But then he kissed her back.

'Hey!' Sirius yelled. 'No snogging at the table. We're eating over here!'

Lily pulled away, giggling and blushing. James laughed and finally looked at her.

'You're the best, Lil,' he said, taking her hands in his and raising one hand to kiss her palm.

'Don't you forget it,' said Lily, grinning. He smiled at her and for a long moment, they looked at each other. Then James's eyes widened and he stood up abruptly.

'James, what-'

'I just...realized something,' he said. 'Er, I have to go.'

'What?' Lily was stunned. 'What do you mean you have to go?'

'Yeah, Prongs, what's this about?' said Sirius.

'I just have to do something,' said James. 'I won't be long.'

'James, wait-' Lily began.

James bent down and kissed her quickly. 'Just, er, wait here, all right? Be back soon.'

He climbed off the bench and practically hurtled out of the Great Hall, his robes billowing out behind him. Lily stared after him, in a daze. It was Clarissa who finally said the thing they all had on their minds.

'What on earth was that all about?'

**Chapter Thirteen: Fireworks**

James raced down the corridor to his room, reached his door, said the password ('Garroting Gas')

and leapt inside. His heart was pounding.

He opened the closet and found the large package inside. He hadn't meant to use them until the very end of term, when he would be leaving school for good and would avoid the possibility of getting detention. He knew if he used them tonight, he'd probably get a month's worth.

But he didn't care. He was tired of being afraid. If his stupid mouth wouldn't work for him, he'd tell her some other way. She was worth getting in trouble for.

He pulled the box out and admired the label.

He tucked the box under his arm, checked his robe pocket for his wand, grabbed his broom and hurried out of his room, only to collide with Sirius and Remus.

'Whoa!' said Remus. 'What's up, Prongs?'

'Nothing,' he said quickly. 'Er…where's Peter?' he added, hoping to change the subject.

'Dancing with Dorcas,' said Remus. 'What's that under your arm?'

'Oh, well, I just thought...' James's voice trailed off.

'Does this have something to do with Miss Evans?' said Sirius.

'Yeah,' said James.

'Ah.'

'Lily's going to wonder where you went,' said Remus.

'Just stall her, okay? Please?' said James. 'I have to do this.'

'You'll get a month's worth of detentions, you know,' said Sirius.

'Yeah, whatever,' said James. 'Look, just tell Lily to...to look out the back windows of the Great

Hall in...say, fifteen minutes.'

James wrapped his robes tighter round his shoulders. He really ought to have put on a cloak; the night air was bone-chilling and he wasn't going to get any warmer once he got up on his broom.

He looked up at the castle and heard the first strains of music humming from inside; the dance part of the evening had begun. Glistening light poured from the windows. He hoped nobody would wander outside yet and catch him in the act.

He stared at the arrangement at his feet. He pulled his wand from his robes, aimed it at the objects staked in the hard, snowy ground, and said '_Incendio.'_

Little bursts of flame appeared, and then sparks began. James mounted his broom and kicked off from the ground, putting plenty of distance between himself and the coming explosions.

He only hoped this would work.

Thirty seconds later, it happened. Loud, piercing squeals penetrated the night air, so loud that the trees shook. James rocketed out of the way as the fireworks shot into the air.

He swerved sharply as a rocket streaked past him; he just barely missed getting hit by another explosion. He then flew low, letting the fireworks explode above him, ignoring the sting of sparks that hit his face. He was overcome with a sudden rush of giddiness, a feeling so powerful he nearly slipped off his broom. He began to laugh gleefully. Any moment now...

And, as expected, the noise brought people rushing outside. Students and teachers in colorful dress robes streamed out of the castle doors onto the landings and stared up at the sky, which began to fill with bright, multi-colored light.

'POTTER!'

James looked down from his broom to see Professor McGonagall staring up at him, her face white and livid.

'Hi, Professor!' he yelled joyfully, waving at her.

'Are you mad?' McGonagall screeched. 'Setting off fireworks? You're Head Boy, for heaven's sake!'

'Sorry, Professor, it had to be done!' James called happily. He circled and slowed down enough to fly right past McGonagall and blow her a kiss.

'Oh!' she cried furiously, but her mouth worked hard not to smile. 'Potter, you're going to serve detention for this!'

'Happy to, Professor!' he yelled, pulling up on his broom and turning.

He swooped low on his broom and zoomed past the crowd, his eyes searching for emerald green robes.

'James!'

He jerked his broom round at the sound of her voice. Lily was standing next to the stone railing, her red hair and green robes making her stand out from the crowd. Her hands were on her hips.

'What are you _doing?_' she yelled. 'You're going to get into deep trouble!'

'Look up, Lil!' James yelled. He pulled his broom to a halt and hovered, just a few feet away from her.

'What?'

'Look up!'

She did. Her hand flew to her mouth.

'James,' she said, and her eyes filled with tears.

'I couldn't think of any other way to tell you,' he said. 'I've been so bloody tongue-tied and, well, I

hope this is okay.' He flew right up to her, hopped off his broom, and came to stand in front of her. Lily's eyes moved back up to the night sky, to the fireworks that spelled

I LUV YOU LILEE.

'You spelled my name wrong,' she said, smiling through tears.

'Yeah, well, I had to bewitch them,' he said, smiling, feeling shy and ridiculous and dizzy all at the same time. 'I couldn't quite get it right. I mean, they're supposed to spell something really rude, but...anyway...'

'That's so...sweet,' she said, pressing a cold hand to his cheek. James didn't notice that they were surrounded by people. He didn't notice the cold, or the stinging of his wind-burned face. He only saw her; the glow from the fireworks in her red hair, the sparkling of her eyes from her tears.

'I love you,' he blurted, and before he could really register what he'd just said, he pulled her close and kissed her. The fireworks that exploded in the distance were rather like the tiny fireworks exploding behind James's eyes as his mouth moved over hers, as his arms held her tightly.

'Potter!'

He felt himself yanked out of Lily's embrace and turned to face a very furious Professor

McGonagall.

'Oh, hi, Professor,' he said, giving her his most charming grin. She pursed her lips tightly; it was obvious she was trying not to laugh.

'Do you realize how many school rules you've just broken?' she asked, her voice tight and very loud; the crowd around them was staring at the two of them.

'Yeah,' said James. 'I do.'

'Do you?' she said. 'Well, I'm glad. Detention, Potter. For the next _month__._'

'All right, then,' said James casually. 'Starting-'

'On your return from holiday,' said McGonagall sharply, and James grinned.

'Thanks, Professor,' he said.

McGonagall gave a very annoyed harumph before turning on her heel and stalking off. Above the crowd, the fireworks exploded in one last bright display and faded, leaving the grounds and the veranda dark as before. The crowd began to disperse, but James, having turned back to Lily, only stared at her, her hands in his. They were frozen in place, and it was not from the cold.

'So,' said James. 'Sorry I was such a prat...about telling you.'

'I knew,' she said.

'Oh, you did?' he said, laughing.

'Yes, I did,' said Lily.

'What about you?' he asked, suddenly serious. 'Did you mean-'

'I love you, James,' she said softly, and she prevented him from speaking again by kissing him once more.

Several long moments later she pulled away. James was delirious with happiness; he felt slightly drunk.

He held her close, his forehead touching hers.

'This is the best night of my life,' he whispered.

'Me, too,' she said.

From inside the Great Hall, music started up again. A slow ballad. Without realizing it, James and Lily began to sway. For a few minutes they moved back and forth, wrapped in each other's arms, feeling their breath on their faces.

'Do you want to go inside?' he asked, and his lips began to travel softly over her face as he held her. She looked up at him and let out a shivering breath, as though preparing herself to say something

important.

'Yes,' she whispered. 'I want to go inside. To your room. Right now.'

Her words were halting, and her eyes shone, and James felt suddenly breathless.

'You mean…you want to…'

'Yes.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm positive,' she said.

Now it was James's turn to breathe and shiver at the same time.

'Let's go,' he said, taking her hand.

They entered his room. The air was full of nervous tension. James paused for a moment, gathering his courage, and then strode over to his closet.

'Your room is surprisingly neat,' Lily noted as he opened the closet and placed his broom carefully inside. Her voice betrayed her nervousness; it was as if she was forcing herself to talk, to calm

herself down.

'Yeah, I know,' he said. 'That's your fault, actually.' He closed his closet and turned to her.

They looked at each other for what seemed like forever. Neither of them seemed to know what to do. It was madness. James wanted her so badly he ached all over, and yet, he couldn't seem to

move. She was worrying her hands, looking at him and then away, and he wondered if she suddenly was about to change her mind.

'Lil, we…we don't have to.'

But she took out her wand and muttered a familiar charm, and a blue glow enveloped them both. The Contraceptive Charm.

And then she was right there and she was pressing her lips to his, opening her mouth and sweeping her tongue against his lower lip. He forgot any words at all for a moment and kissed her back, pressing his tongue against hers, moving his lips, placing his hands on her face.

'James,' she whispered, pulling away from him. 'I want to…I want you…'

_Sweet__Merlin,__she_does _mean__i__t_.

'Are you sure?' he asked again, already feeling the pressing of his trousers, and feeling another kind of pressure in his heart.

She opened her mouth to speak, but seemed to be unable to, and nodded.

James felt a lump in his throat. He couldn't speak, either. But it didn't matter, because she was kissing him again.

He was overcome. With love, with joy, with lust. She was giving herself to him. He felt an overwhelming sense of honor that allowed him to stay in control. She had never done this. He had to go slow. He let his lips trail to her neck, felt his hands move into her hair, loosening the plait. He felt her hands on the clasp of his robes, working it free.

'Wait,' he whispered. He pulled his wand from his robe pocket and pointed it at the door and murmured '_Colloportus.'_The door sealed shut. He tossed the wand carelessly on his desk and his robes slipped off his shoulders and landed on the floor in a soft heap.

He kissed her again and moved his hands to her hair.

Her hair came free of the plait and spilled over his fingers like copper silk. The tiny pearls in it floated to the floor. His mouth covered hers again and his hands moved to the clasp of her robes, unhooking it. She reached in her robes and managed to set her wand on his desk, as he slid the robes slowly from her shoulders, revealing the black dress beneath that draped just right over her curves. His hands returned to her hair, then moved down her back, over her bottom. He heard her sigh against his mouth, and his hands came up again, finding her breasts, caressing them gently through the thin silk of the dress. She moaned and pulled from his mouth to breathe, to let her hands move

to his tie, where she loosened it and pulled it off. His hands moved to her shoulders, to the thin straps of the dress. He started to pull them down...

'Wait,' she whispered.

He pulled away and looked at her, scared that she meant to stop him, but instead she backed up and said, 'Let me.'

She turned and closed the drapes, so that only the only light in the room came from the flickering lantern at his bedside. She turned to him and gently pulled the straps of the dress off her shoulders, sliding them lower, lower...

The dress lowered over her breasts, her smooth tummy, down over her hips, skimming her skin as it went. She wore a black satin bra and knickers. Plain, simple, and an utterly devastating contrast to

her milk white skin. James swallowed again as the dress floated to her feet. She stepped out of it, and then stepped out of her shoes.

She began to tremble as her hands moved to the back of the bra. She was so nervous, and yet her face had a kind of sweet determination written on it. He heard the click of the bra clasp come open, felt his heart leap into his throat as she pulled it slowly away.

He realized at that moment that in all the times they'd been together, he'd never actually seen all of her. She was lovelier than he could possibly have imagined. Her skin was porcelain, dusted with freckles. The slope of her collarbone, the dip at the base of her throat, the soft firmness of her breasts, upon which shadows and light from the room fell, making them look rosy and stunning…His eyes drank in the slight swell of her smooth tummy, the freckles across her chest and collarbones, the roundness of her gently flaring hips, the lean curve of her legs. She was still trembling.

'You're beautiful, Lil,' he said, his mouth dry. She smiled shyly and a rush of heat and color rose in her face, across her chest. She walked slowly toward him and took his hands, tilting her face up and meeting his lips.

His hands let go of hers and found the skin of her back. She was so soft, so warm. He kissed her harder and let his hands move to her bottom, over the satin of the knickers, then beneath, cupping the roundness there. She pressed herself close to him and moved her pelvis against his, and he groaned. She giggled.

'You're a horny bastard, Potter,' she said throatily against his lips, and her hands moved to the buttons of his shirt, pulling them open slowly. He felt her lips move over his jaw, to his neck, pausing to nibble on his ear. He groaned again.

'You drive me mad, Lil,' he whispered, gripping her bottom and pressing her against his erection. She gasped and began to kiss him across the chest as she slid the shirt off him. She pulled off his glasses and tossed the on his desk. His hands returned to her waist and he lowered her onto the bed; he lowered himself onto her and settled between her legs, pressing his pelvis against hers once more.

He kissed her mouth, her face, her shoulders, her chest. He paused to lavish attention on her breasts, caressing them with his lips and tongue, feeling his erection press against his trousers as he heard

her breath begin to come in shorter gasps. His hands moved from her hair down over her body and found the elastic of her knickers. He slid them down over her legs, down past her ankles, and ran his hands up the smoothness of her thighs. He saw moisture on the auburn curls covering her sex, smelled the erotic scent of her arousal. He slid two fingers inside her, keeping his eyes on her face. She let out a breath and arched her hips as his fingers moved in and out of her, over her clitoris.

'James…'

He kissed her mouth again, still stroking her, feeling her hips move with him, and then he lowered his mouth again, kissing a heated trail down her body and settling himself between her thighs. He drew her closer and flicked his tongue out slowly against her clit.

'Oh…'

He loved the taste of her, the sounds she made as he moved his tongue over her. He moved one hand to entwine his fingers with hers as the fingers of his other hand dipped inside her gently, causing her to arch even higher against him. The only sounds in the room were her soft moans and hitched breathing, the occasional creak of the bed as she rocked her hips.

'James,' she gasped. 'Please...I want...oh, god...I want you...'

A part of him wanted to stay where he was and bring her over completely, but then he felt another throb inside his trousers. He pulled himself up and hurriedly stripped off his trousers and his boxer shorts. He took a deep breath, forcing himself to maintain control. He settled gently between her

thighs, their hips meeting, the tip of his cock brushing her inner thigh. He whimpered, and knew that things would either have to stop right then, or continue.

'Are you sure, Lil?' he asked again. 'If you want me to stop, tell me now.'

'I don't want you to stop,' she whispered, putting her arms round his neck. He stared into her green eyes, which were dark with desire and fear.

'I love you, Lily,' he whispered.

'I love you,' she whispered back. He settled his weight gently onto her and found the entrance of her sex. He closed his eyes and pushed, the tip of his cock moving inside her.

She gasped at his invasion. He swallowed and looked into her eyes, trying to keep from thinking only of himself, of the pleasure of just having a small part of him inside her body. He was about to hurt her and he hated the idea of it, but there was no getting around it.

'I love you,' he said again, and he thrust into her hard, all the way, breaching the barrier of her virginity.

She cried out in pain, and he felt a rush of moisture that he knew was blood.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' he whispered, panting with the effort to control himself. He placed kisses all over her face, wiping away with his lips the tears that had formed in the corners of her eyes.

'It's…it's okay,' she said bravely, shifting her hips slightly and gripping his shoulders. 'Just…don't move, not yet.'

He didn't. He stayed still, as still as he could, forcing himself to think of Quidditch scores and end of term exams and anything else that would prevent him from giving into the urge to move. She needed to get used to the feel of him inside her first.

It seemed a long time before her breathing slowed slightly. She pulled her face from the crook of his shoulder and looked up at him.

'Are you okay?' he asked. She nodded. 'I'm okay.'

'You're not…in pain or anything?'

'It hurts some,' she admitted. 'I feel…' She blushed.

'What?'

'Stretched,' she said, biting her lip. 'But it's okay. I want…I like knowing that you're inside me…' James let out a slow breath. 'I like being here,' he said shakily, feeling overwhelmed now by the

need to move, to feel all of her, to lose himself.

'Lil…' he said raggedly. 'I…I need to move…please.'

'Okay,' she said. 'Go slow.'

He did. Slowly. Very slowly. Her face contorted in pain and she gripped his shoulders as he set a gentle pace, not thrusting too hard. It was enough for him; it was more than enough. Everything about her was pleasure; he didn't need to rush. He didn't want to rush. This was everything, she was everything, every moment he was inside her was perfection…

Her hands were moving up and down his back and she groaned as he moved just a little faster, pressed inside her just a little deeper, stretched her a little more.

'Am I...hurting you?' he asked, struggling for control, trying not to lose himself.

'No,' she whispered. 'No...'

'This is…' he whispered. 'It's amazing…you're amazing…'

He pushed further, touching her deep inside, feeling the walls of her cunt contracting around him. Heaven.

'Oh, god...' she murmured, as he thrust a little faster still.

'Lily,' James moaned, now completely lost to sensation. There was no thought, only feeling. Only her. She fit over him like a glove. He felt the pressure building inside him and knew it would be over soon.

He lifted himself up from her and thrust into her deeply as her legs curled up and wrapped round his waist. They both groaned out loud. He wondered if he was hurting her some more, was sure of it,

but she gripped his hips in her hands and pulled him forward, and he let himself give in to his own need now, thrusting harder and faster.

Sweet Merlin, he couldn't take much more of this. It was so good.

Sweat gathered on her brow, between her breasts. Her face was strained in a mixture of pleasure and pain, and James found the clarity of mind to remember her own needs.

He moved a hand between them and found her clitoris and began to stroke.

'Oh!' she cried. 'Oh…god…'

He eased up his rhythm of thrusts and focused on her, moving more shallowly inside her as he built her up again. She deserved this, to feel as good as he could make her feel. Her hips rocked against him, drawing his cock inside her. He wanted to pound into her hard again, but he held back, focusing on his fingers, on her clit. He made slow, insistent circles, and then faster, his left arm straining from the effort of holding himself up, his leg muscles beginning to shake as he struggled to keep himself from slamming her into the mattress.

'James…' she keened, as the strokes of his fingers went still faster.

Her eyes clamped shut, her mouth fell open, her head shot back, and her hips arched up as the orgasm took her. He watched her come, his cock pulsing inside her, and then he couldn't take it anymore. He lowered himself onto her, lifting one slender leg over his shoulder, and began to thrust inside her again, harder and faster.

Lily whimpered at the new onslaught, but held onto him, letting him go. His rhythm faltered as he felt his need cresting, and then he was coming, hard and fast, his thrusts erratic and desperate as he emptied himself inside her.

It was all he could do not to collapse upon her completely. He was entirely spent; they both were. She still clung to him.

They lay there for a long time, just breathing. They were covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Their foreheads touched. James felt himself go slack within her and felt his whole body begin to tremble. Slowly his mind began to work again, and the gravity of what had just happened to him came into sharp focus.

He looked at her, and was lost. He'd never made love before, he'd always thought the phrase was absurdly corny when used to describe the sexual act, an act that involved sweat and fluids and smells and sounds that, to James's mind, had never been remotely romantic. And yet he had made

love now, with and to the girl underneath him, and he understood that the carnality of what he'd just experienced was no longer a separate thing, a thing apart. It was part of his love for her. He knew, as he slid slowly out of her body, that he would do anything for her, sacrifice anything.

He felt a sharp lump in his throat. He swallowed against it, but it fought back, bringing with it a kind of powerful emotion James had never experienced before. He looked down at her. There were tears on her face, but a small smile was on her lips. Before he could stop it, his eyes began to burn.

Lily looked up at him, her hands in his hair, on his face.

'You're okay?' he asked, hoping that she wouldn't notice the way his throat worked.

'I'm fine,' she said softly. 'Very sore, but fine.' She smiled and brushed a bit of his fringe back, but then her expression changed. 'James, what's wrong?'

'Nothing,' he whispered, his voice nearly breaking against the lump that wouldn't budge from his throat. He closed his eyes, willing the burning to go away.

'You're shaking,' she said.

He opened his eyes, and felt the tears stinging behind his eyelashes. He could hardly speak.

'I'm...just happy,' he whispered. 'I've never…this is so…'

'Perfect?'

'Yeah,' he said, and a hateful tear fell from the corner of his right eye, to land on her cheek.

'Now you know,' said Lily, smiling, leaving the tear where it was.

'Know what?' James asked, as more tears threatened.

'Why girls get all choked up about…this,' she said, and her own eyes filled.

He swallowed hard. 'I guess I do.' He rolled onto his side and pulled her close, and they held each other and looked at each other for a long time, each crying softly and kissing away the other's tears.

They never made it back to the Ball. They made love again, and again, and he wanted to do it all night, but they had to stop. She was sore and tired and if he was honest with himself, so was he. It was the best kind of exhaustion, though, the kind that wrapped him up like a warm blanket. She fell asleep with her head on his chest and her leg entwined with his.

He looked down at her and knew with a sudden sharp clarity that she was his first love, and his last. There would never be anyone else for him. He wanted her forever, he wanted to get a house with her, make babies with her, everything.

He sighed as he held her, knowing that things would not always be like this. There would not always be this perfection. The outside world, away from Hogwarts, was growing more dangerous by the day. The Dark Lord…

James held her tighter. He saw his whole future, not just the blissful part of it, where he and Lily made love every day and had beautiful, green-eyed children and lived in a warm, loving home.

His mind traveled to the applications in his desk. He hadn't told anyone about his idea to apply for the Auror training program. Partly because he wasn't actually sure he'd go through with it, and partly because he didn't want anyone to be in a position to build up false hopes about his chances of success, as his friends and Lily would surely have done. But now the decision was clear. He would apply, and he would tell everyone he cared about that he had applied.

He knew Lily would be upset—Aurors were out there, on the front lines, and nowadays the training programs were more intense and had been truncated so that trainees could go out in the field after only a year, instead of the usual three. But he had to do it. It would be his way of building the world he wanted for Lily, the life she deserved.

Strange, he thought, how these things happen. A year ago he was a stupid kid, and now he felt like a man. Mature, responsible, and best of all, loving. Loving a girl, a woman, unselfishly and without restraint. Frightening, and yet entirely logical and right.

He smiled at Lily as she snored, very softly, against his chest. The world outside was a dangerous

place, but here and now, he felt totally at peace, with everything. He felt ready for whatever happened when school ended.

He placed a soft kiss on Lily's forehead. Someday he would make the world a beautiful enough place for her. For now, he closed his eyes, the soft thrumming of their heartbeats lulling him to sleep.

**EPILOGUE**

James exited the Hogwarts Express at King's Cross station. It was a hot, steamy sort of day and he was grateful that he'd changed out of his robes and into Muggle clothes: jeans and a t-shirt.

He helped Lily drag her trunk off the train, and then fetched his own things, all the while trying to ignore the sad ache in his chest. This was the end of his final journey on the Hogwarts Express. He was elated, thrilled to finally be finished with school. He was finally a fully qualified wizard. He

and Lily both had jobs lined up at the Ministry of Magic. He was getting a flat with Sirius in Diagon

Alley. Life was good.

Yet a part of him would always miss his time at Hogwarts. The innocence of his childhood, the wonder of discovery, and of course, all that mischief making.

He felt Lily's lips on his cheek.

'What's up?' she asked.

'Just thinking,' he said, smiling at her, putting an arm round her shoulders. 'I'm going to miss riding on this damn train.'

'Me, too,' she said, smiling wistfully.

He grinned wickedly. 'Of course, this last journey was by far the most excellent.'

'Oh, really?' she said, grinning back up at him. 'And why is that?' He pulled her close and kissed her lightly. 'You know why.'

James and Lily had wasted no time once the journey from Hogwarts began, but had locked the door to the Head Boy/Girl carriage, pulled the shades, and began an enthusiastic round of shagging that took up a good part of the trip back home. When they weren't in the throes of adolescent passion, they talked about everything. He was exhausted and knew he'd probably sleep for two days, but

then again, their athletic love-making had certainly taken the pain off from leaving Hogwarts for the

last time.

'Hey, you two,' a voice yelled. 'No snogging on the platform!'

'Shut up,' James yelled at Sirius. He and Marianne laughed and moved through the barrier. Remus and Clarissa went next.

'Shall we go, then?' said Lily. James nodded and they followed Remus and Clarissa and came out between platforms nine and ten. James immediately recognized Lily's parents. Her mother had the same brilliant red hair, her father the same bright green eyes. Lily's sister, Petunia, was not there.

_P__r__obably__at__home__with__her__awful__husband__picking__out__upholstery__patterns,_James thought.

'Come on,' said Lily.

'What?' said James.

'I want you to meet my parents,' she said, and she half-dragged him over to Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

'Mum, Daddy,' she said. 'This is James Potter. My boyfriend.' James grinned, but felt his neck getting hot.

'Hello, son,' said Mr. Evans, grinning and shaking his hand.

'James,' said Mrs. Evans, 'we've heard so much about you from Lily.'

'All bad, I'm sure,' James joked, and he was relieved when Lily's parents laughed. They were nice, these Muggles.

'Lily tells us you two are going to be starting your jobs at the Ministry soon,' said Mr. Evans. 'Do us a favor and look out for our little girl, would you?'

'Daddy,' said Lily, rolling her eyes.

'I'd be honored, sir,' said James, smiling at Lily.

They shared a few more minutes of pleasant, idle conversation, and then Mr. Evans gently tugged

Lily's elbow.

'We should go, dear,' he said softly.

'Okay,' she said. 'I'll join you in a second?'

Mr. and Mrs. Evans exchanged looks, then looked pointedly at James, then smiled and moved off, Mr. Evans dragging Lily's trunk. James let out a breath he hadn't been aware of holding.

'That wasn't so bad, was it?' she said, grinning.

'Not so bad,' he said. 'Your parents are nice.'

'Where are your parents?' she asked.

'They're visiting some relatives up north,' he said. 'I'll be going up there in a few days. But Sirius and I have to settle up in our flat first.'

'Right,' she said. 'You and Padfoot in a flat together. That ought to be interesting.' She smiled.

'I'll miss you,' she said. 'Stupid, isn't it? We're going to see each other in two weeks.'

'I'll miss you, too,' he said, and he pulled her into an embrace.

'I love you,' he whispered into her hair. 'So damn much.'

'I love you, too.'

He pulled back and kissed her, but not too long or deeply, because he knew her parents were probably watching. She backed away tearfully from him and picked up Nimue's cage. He watched her go, his eyes fixed on her beautiful red hair. He didn't hear Sirius come up next to him.

'How are you going to stand being away from her for two whole weeks, Prongs?' said Sirius.

'I'll manage, I guess,' said James. 'Same way you'll manage without Marianne.' He elbowed Sirius playfully in the ribs.

'Perv,' said Sirius, elbowing him back.

'Look who's talking,' said James, giving Sirius a shove. 'You're completely whipped over Miss

Bennett.'

'You're the one who's whipped,' said Sirius, smacking James lightly on the back of the head. James laughed, then looked up at the place where Lily had just been.

'Let's go, yeah?' said Sirius. 'I want to check out our new flat.' He was carrying his own trunk and a small owl cage.

'Just think,' said James. 'It could have been the wildest bachelor pad in Diagon Alley.'

'But now it'll be the home of two besotted prats,' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'We really are pathetic, aren't we?'

'Absolutely,' said James. 'But you know? I don't mind so much.'

'Me, neither,' said Sirius. 'Does that mean-' he looked momentarily horrified '-that we're...growing up?'

'I think it does, mate,' said James. 'Who would have thought? Prongs and Padfoot are grown-ups.'

'Grown-ups in love,' said Sirius. 'Disgusting.'

'Fantastic,' said James.

'Good god, you're over the moon for Miss Evans, aren't you?'

'Yeah, I am,' said James. 'You know something, Padfoot? I'm going to marry that girl.'

**THE END**


End file.
